Ten Things I Want Every Survivor of Abuse to Know

Ten Things I Want Every Survivor of Abuse to Know

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1. You are older, wiser, stronger and safer now.

2. Forgiveness is a path you must eventually travel down.

3. As it says in Mathew 18:10 – God was aware of your abuse.

4. The person who abused you does not represent others in your life today.

5. Grief work is a huge part of abuse recovery.

6. If you have a tendency to become an abuser, although it would seem to be unlikely, it’s a sign that further work is needed.

7. It was not your fault in any way.

8. Turn things around as soon as you can so you can help others (but see number 9)

9. Give yourself plenty of time to heal.

10. You are not damaged goods. You are pure and clean in the eyes of God.

Bonus Point: We love you here at New Life.

Teen Peer Pressure

Teen Peer Pressure

The term “peer pressure” usually makes us think about our teens being influenced to try negative behaviors, like drinking alcohol, or smoking pot. But teens can pressure each other in positive ways too. In the video below we take a look at both kinds of pressure. Click on the image below to watch.

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Ten things to do While you Wait

Ten Things to Do While You Wait

We have all been there at some point. . . in the waiting room of life. Here are ten ways to help you relax and actually benefit from your time of waiting.

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1. Pray and meditate on Scripture: Through our personal time of prayer and meditation on God’s Word, we will find the ‘peace that passes understanding.’ Spending time in God’s presence helps us remember who we are and how very much we are loved. Scripture tells us Jesus often went to a placed by Himself and prayed.

2. Listen to music: When you need to relax, listen to some calming music. If you need some extra energy, find something upbeat that makes you want to move. Be aware of your moods and your needs, and you will find that music can play a big part in helping you achieve a positive emotional state.

3. Exercise: Not only is exercise the number-one stress reducer, it also controls appetite, increases energy and body temperature, releases endorphins, and improves sleep quality. Physical exercise is the most natural way you can come to experience a state of well-being or satisfaction.

4. Keep a Journal: Take this waiting time as an opportunity to journal about what’s going on in your life and how you feel about things. Journaling can help you sort out the many things that may be going on in your heart and heart. Once you’ve expressed your feelings in writing, they become much easier to understand.

5. Talk to a friend, pastor, or therapist: Not only does talking through your stresses with a close confidant help relieve those stresses, but it will also help you feel more connected with a human being.

6. Read: Take time to read a good book, an inspirational story, or even the comics or sports page of the newspaper. What you enjoy will be unique to you, so don’t get stuck in a rut of comparing yourself to others.

7. Get some R&R: It’s important to have getaways that last for a couple of days or more. Vacation time really does make a difference in your mind-set and outlook.

8. Become involved in discipleship: Discipleship involves growing in wisdom and knowledge of God through the process of gathering with other believers. This involves more than just your personal quiet time. It’s the fellowship of believers that results in building each other up, mentoring, accountability, and Bible study. Discipleship serves the purpose of spiritual growth and gives us a sense of connection and belonging that we all need.

9. Do something for someone else: The process of giving to and doing for others can lift up your spirit and bring about a sense of pleasure faster than just about anything else. When you give of yourself, you move away from a focus on self to a focus on others, and that’s always a good place to be.

10. Laugh: Laughter is good medicine, especially when it comes to managing stress and increasing pleasure in life. Laughter is the natural expression of pleasure and fun. The more we can include laughter in our lives, the better we’ll feel physically and emotionally.

Setting Boundaries

Setting Boundaries

Setting a boundary can be difficult, so why should we go through the trouble? John Townsend has two great reasons: to define your life and to protect yourself. Which areas of your life need these types of boundaries? Have you tried putting these limits in place? Click on the image below and find out what those two great reasons are for setting boundaries.

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10 Do’s and Don’ts for Dads

Ten Dos and Don’ts for Dads

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1. Connect before you correct.
Part of every Dad’s role is to bring a healthy sense of structure and discipline to the family. Communicating with your child, which includes listening to their “side” of the issue, is a key first step in successful, loving discipline.

2. Be there.
One of the great myths is that a little “quality” time makes up for a substantial “quantity” of time. Going to school, sporting and other events is a big deal! It says – “I have your best interests at the center of my heart” to your child. Don’t think only about your own affairs, but be interested in others, too, and what they are doing. ~ Philippians 2:4

3. Express love often.
Kids (especially pre-teens and teens) act like they don’t want their parents to “make a fuss” over them. It’s just an act. Kids need hugs and kisses … affirm them at every opportunity.

4. Phony, macho men are only heroes in the movies.
Real Dads aren’t perfect. You can be a hero to your children if you open your heart to them and admit when you’ve made mistakes. They have an enormous capacity to forgive and their hearts’ desire is to love and be loved. People who cover over their sins will not prosper. But if they confess and forsake them, they will receive mercy. ~ Proverbs 28:13

5. Never make your child choose between parents.
If you have problems with your wife, don’t try to convince your child that you’re “right” or the “victim.” This causes an emotional split in your child and will ultimately drive him or her further away from you. Confine the adult issues to the adults.

6. Love your wife.
The greatest Dad in the world will minimize the true impact he has on his children if he does not model Godly intimacy in front of his kids. That’s where the cornerstone of their future marriage is laid. Since God chose you to be the holy people whom He loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. You must make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive the person who offends you … And the most important piece of clothing you must wear is love. Love is what binds us all together in perfect harmony. ~ Colossians 3:12-14

7. Be consistent.
When you are consistent in your actions, love and discipline, an environment of safety and security is created. Kids need to know that there are some things they can always count on. Discipline your child while there is hope. If you don’t, you will ruin their lives. ~ Proverbs 19:18

8. Be careful, you’re in the spotlight.
Your kids are watching every move you make. To some extent, their picture of you shapes their picture of their Heavenly Father. You have the opportunity to create a positive, loving image or a confusing and untrustworthy one. Instead, there must be a spiritual renewal of your thoughts and attitudes. You must display a new nature because you are a new person, created in God’s likeness – righteous, holy and true. ~ Ephesians 4:23,24

9. Guard your tongue.
The words you speak to your children can cut like a knife or send them soaring like a rocket. They will remember some things you say in passing for the rest of their lives. Kind words are like honey – sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.
~ Proverbs 16:24

10. Develop Godly character.
Nothing will influence your children more than watching you grow in your relationship with God. You can preach the Gospel by your actions much more effectively than you can by your words. And now, just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to live in obedience to Him. Let your roots grow down into Him and draw up nourishment from Him, so you will grow in faith, strong and vigorous in the truth you were taught. Let your lives overflow with thanksgiving for all He has done. ~ Colossians 2:6,7

For more information on fatherhood and parenthood, consider some of these resources:

How we Love our Kids
Raising Great Kids
Bad Dads of the Bible

 

Dating Under Control

Dating Under Control

When a woman or girl dates someone who seems to have authority or power in the relationship, her sense of self-worth can be threatened. Dr. Sheri Keffer and Steve Arterburn talk about young women protecting their own value and the need for young men to honor them. Click on the image below to watch.

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Spotting a Narcissist

Spotting a Narcissist

It’s pretty common to call someone a narcissist, but it often refers a person who is simply acting self-centered. True narcissism is a personality type combining extreme selfishness with grandiose thoughts and a few other defining characteristics. Dr. Jill Hubbard and Steve Arterburn help us define the term. Click on the image to watch now.

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Judgement and Grace

Judgement and Grace

A New Life TV subscriber named Lynn wrote in with two different questions: one about feeling judged for expressing Christian beliefs, and another about grace. These are two really important topics so Steve Arterburn thought he would answer them both. Click on the image below to listen his response.

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Transform your Marriage

Transform your Marriage

Could your childhood be a stumbling block in your marriage?

Milan and Kay Yerkovich are two great counselors who enthusiastically share their journey as a couple. The first 15 years of their marriage were difficult. They weren’t sure why, until they journeyed back to their childhoods and discovered differences that were driving a wedge between them. Theirs is an amazing story of transformation that could illuminate struggles in your own life. I think you’ll find this video incredibly helpful. Click on the image below to watch.

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Preparing our Daughters for Battle

Preparing our Daughters for Battle

Shannon Ethridge joins Steve Arterburn to talk about the important task of teaching daughters how to set boundaries and be assertive to protect themselves emotionally and sexually before they even start dating. If you have a young daughter do not miss this. Click on the image to watch.

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