Unwrapping Co-Dependency

Unwrapping Co-Dependency

Co-dependency is a buzzword, but do you know what it really means?  You can call it enabling, rescuing, emotionally addicted or reliant on being a caretaker… Dr. John Townsend and Steve Arterburn unwrap what it really means and what you can do about it. Click on the image below to watch.


Every Man’s Battle Workshop Feedback

Every Man’s Battle Workshop Feedback

This past weekend our Every Man’s Battle workshop was held in Washington DC. It was well attended, we had 88 men at the workshop and lives were forever impacted and forever changed. Here’s what one attendee had to say:

feed-back.newlifeAttending the EMB workshop this weekend can’t be described in depth within this page. Please allow me to use single words: open, loving, emotional, empowering, blessed, fortunate, friendship, bonding, crying, laughing, thoughtfulness, equipping, transforming, relieving, painful, joyful.

EMB has challenged me to be a NEW husband, a NEW son, a NEW friend, all as I walk closer and deeper with God. EMB has created a deep desire to connect with my brothers in Christ, to bond, heal and grow with.

Words can’t describe my gratitude for EMB, the staff, the event . . . life changing . . .Thank you!Tony

More Every Man’s Battle Testimonies . . .

Getting Past My Mother’s Condemnation

Getting Past My Mother’s Condemnation

Growing up with a critical mother can be tough, and sometimes the disapproval of our mothers can linger long after we mature into adulthood. How do we live with this, how can we move past the condemnation and still enjoy a life of healthy relationships. Steve Arterburn answers these questions for one our New Life TV subscribers.

10 Truths About Forgiveness

10 Truths About Forgiveness 

Torn piece of paper with the word "Forgive" in the woman's palms.

1. Forgiveness always involves the moral side of life. It involves our sense of right and wrong, of fairness and of justice. It also involves our sense of love, compassion and mercy. When someone violates us with a seemingly unforgivable act, at least some of these values have been violated.

2. Revenge, no matter how just, can never bring satisfaction, for it can never replace what has been destroyed. It also brings us down to the level of the offender. Staying with vengeful thoughts is like playing an endless and painful video in our minds over and over again.

3. In Colossians 2:13, Paul describes forgiveness, “You were dead because of your sins and because your sinful nature was not yet cut away. Then God made you alive with Christ. He forgave all our sins”. Why do some of us want to make certain things “unforgivable”?

4. “Forgive and forget” is a common belief that keeps us from forgiving in the first place. God forgives and forgets, (Jeremiah 31:34, Ps. 103:12) so why shouldn’t we? To “forgive and remember” is the way of healing, not from resentment or retaliation, but to learn and grow. When we experience real forgiveness, there is more to remember than pain. We are reminded of what God has done and is doing in our lives through his forgiving us and our forgiving them.

5. Forgiving other people does not in any way benefit or let them off the hook. It allows us to cancel the debt they owe us, which in all probability they can never repay anyway. We are the ones who are freed from the expectation of restitution for the wrongs done to us.

6. For there to be genuine reconciliation, I need to forgive, and the other person needs to show godly sorrow over what he or she has done. Forgiveness is required of us as believers, but reconciliation is optional and depends on the attitude of the offender.

7. We tend to choose the path of bitterness when we get caught up with wanting to understand the reasons for the offense. We think if we could only understand why the other person did what he or she did, then I could get over it and let it go. This leads to isolation and aloneness as we obsess over the painful event.

8. We need to be careful that we do not take forgiveness out of its spiritual context, however, because forgiveness can best be understood only in the context of our being forgiven by God. The theological and spiritual roots of forgiveness are what give it its healing power. Apart from that it can be a helpful tool but never to the same degree as when it is connected to the reality of God’s forgiveness of us.

9. Forgiveness is not a simple process, sometimes a miracle occurs and other times we plod along moving toward forgiveness. God always honors the move toward forgiveness; it is His plan for us.

10. When we forgive we are giving God the opportunity to work miracles in our lives in His way and His time.

Excerpted from Forgiving the Unforgivable by Dave Stoop

The 19 Foot Spinning Jesus

The 19 Foot Spinning Jesus

The preface of Henry Cloud’s new book is called “The 19 foot Spinning Jesus.” So are you intrigued? Join Steve Arterburn and Dr. Henry Cloud and listen as Henry shares the back story to this interesting phrase. In this segment Henry also  introduces us to the concepts of his new book, Never Go Back – 10 Things You’ll Never Do Again.

Click on the image below to watch.



Betrayal Blindness

Betrayal Blindness

Sometimes when we’ve been betrayed, whether an unfaithful spouse, or abusive authority figure or corrupt institution, we refuse to see the truth in order to protect ourselves. Dr. Sheri Keffer joins Steve Arterburn to discuss this phenomenon of denial. Click on the image below to watch.


The Controller and the Victim

Stress, Intimacy and Attachment Styles – The Controller and the Victim

In this final segment of “Turning Stress into Opportunities for Intimacy,” Kay and Milan Yerkovich, authors of the book, How We Love, tackle the rigid, dominating focus of the “Controller” and the compliant style of the “Victim,” and how they handle stress and goals for their growth. Click on the image below to watch.

Descriptions on images are excerpted from the book, How we Love.




Suffering and Character

Suffering and Character: 10 Ways God Uses Suffering in Our Lives


1. Suffering enables you to honor God.
Your words, actions, and attitudes paint a picture of your relationship with God. They can bring Him either honor or dishonor. They can be either a good example to others or a bad one. Do you remember what Job said when his family and all his worldly goods were suddenly gone? The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord (Job 1:21; see also 1 Peter 1:6-7).

2. Suffering demonstrates God’s power.
It’s only when you are weak’that is, not dependent upon yourself’that you can be strong in Christ. Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weakness, wrote the apostle Paul, that the power of Christ may dwell in me’for when I am weak, then I am strong (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).

3. Suffering allows God to give His grace.
Three times Paul asked God to remove his thorn in the flesh. God’s answer was My grace is sufficient for you (2 Corinthians 12:8-9; see also 1 Corinthians 15:10; Ephesians 4:7; Philippians 2:13; 1 Peter 5:10).

4. Suffering prepares you to help others.
In 2 Corinthians 1:3-5, Paul tells the believers at Corinth that God is the God of all comfort and that they share not only His sufferings, but also His comfort. Because God will comfort you in the midst of your suffering, you will be able to comfort others with the same comfort and give them hope. In other words, it’s those who have been wounded that make the best healers.

5. Suffering helps build character.
Think of one person you admire deeply. Why do think that person has such great character? Often, though not always, the people with the greatest character have experienced tragedies or walked a path of suffering. Their life experiences have shaped them into something quite beautiful. How does this happen? Paul wrote to the believers in Rome: We also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and, proven character hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us (Romans 5:3-5).

6. Suffering encourages you to trust God.
Children trust more easily than adults do. Too often, children grow up to be self-sufficient, independent adults who don’t ‘need’ God in their lives. Yet, Jesus reminded His disciples that the king of heaven belongs to children (Matthew 19:14), and God calls us to be imitators of God, as beloved children (Ephesians 5:1). In 2 Corinthians 1:9-10, Paul makes it very clear that he needed God and that he trusted in Him: Indeed, we had the sentence of death within ourselves in order that we should not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead; who delivered us from so great a peril of death, and will deliver us, He on whom we have set our hope. And He will yet deliver us.

7. Suffering helps you learn to thank God and praise Him in everything.
First Thessalonians 5:16, 18 tells us to: Rejoice always’in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. Without a doubt, this is a hard task! Margaret Clarkson suggests a few ways to praise God in the midst of suffering: Praise God for Himself, His sovereignty, wisdom, never-failing mercies and compassion, love, grace, holiness, justice, and power. She recommends meditating on Scripture to help cultivate a response of praise.

8. Suffering helps you identify with Christ’s suffering.
How often do you stop to think about how much Christ suffered for you? He died for you while you were still a sinner and saved you from the wrath of God (Romans 5:8-9). Read through the entire chapter of Isaiah 53 and list all the words that describe what Christ suffered for you (for example, pierced, afflicted, forsaken). How does your own suffering change your perspective on what Christ did for you? (Romans 8:17-18; Philippians 1:29, 3:10, 2 Thessalonians 1:5).

9. Suffering helps you partake of God’s holiness.
You have the honor and privilege of sharing in the inheritance of the saints because God the Father has qualified you (Colossians 1:12). Paul says that he does all things for the sake of the gospel’that he becomes a fellow partaker in sufferings so that he may also partake of the glory that is to be revealed in Christ Jesus (1 Peter 4:12-16; 5:1).

10. Suffering offers you the chance to reflect on God’s discipline.
It is possible that God has allowed this suffering in your life so that you will learn from it. Punishment is not in view here’only a divine, purposeful opportunity for growth and change. God’s discipline, unlike that of an earthly parent, is perfect and will yield the peaceful fruit of righteousness so that you can share in his holiness (Hebrews 12:8-13).

Excerpted from “Life on Hold” by Laurel Seiler Brunvoll and David Seiler, Ph.D

Used by permission of Multnomah Publishers, Inc. Excerpt may not be reproduced without the prior written consent of Multnomah Publishers, Inc.

The Vacillator

Stress, Intimacy and Attachment Styles – The Vacillator

The authors, Milan and Kay Yerkovich of the book, How we Love , discuss the Vacillator.  The idealistic tendencies of the Vacillator are challenges when dealing with stress. In this segment they discuss how Vacillators can overcome obstacles and gain connection.

Click on the image below to watch. The image below is an excerpt from the book.


The Pleaser

Stress, Intimacy and Attachment Styles – The Pleaser

Milan and Kay Yerkovich, authors of How We Love, talk about how the Pleaser handles stress and how to use that knowledge to change from our established patterns to more healthy ways. Click on the image below to watch.