Here are a few great quotes from the book:
The abused loved the abuser and made sure he had a bed at night, meals every day, gifts at Christmas, and phone calls when he was alone, though he had done none of this for her, for any of us.
We can break free from the sins that so crippled our parents and their parents before them, however far back it goes. We can end the cycle ourselves with God’s enabling. Yes, our children will leave our homes saddled with our imperfections and gaps as parents. And they will go on to have children with whom they struggle. It is inevitable that every generation will do so—this is the human family. But this inevitability only highlights the constant, daily offering of forgiveness from God.
Our parents did not send us on our way with a blessing, but we can bless them as they leave. And in doing so we begin a new legacy . . .
“My major wound was trying to figure out why my mom didn’t care about me. Why she didn’t show love, even in her late years.” He accepted that she’d had psychological issues that prevented her from mothering him. But he still believed in the commandment to honor his mother, despite the fact that she hadn’t honored him, and to forgive her.
Those who have hurt us may not repent—ever. They may not change in any way. They may continue to be hateful and hurtful. We still may not be able to trust them . . . but nothing need stop you from living out the command God has given for the good of the whole human family: “Honor your father and mother.”
God’s ways are not our ways, nor are His views of healing. Even in Jesus’ day, people wanted a glorious savior, not a suffering servant.
What does it mean, then, to forgive our parents? It means we let them go; we erase the debts they owe us. We wipe out their accounts.
We extract what we want from one another, and even more from God. Yet we keep on taking, until we take His place entirely in our own lives . . . . But the Father absorbs the cost of our rebellion and comes after us. He longs for us. He pursues us and while we are yet a long way off, turning toward home, our father sees us and, swelled with compassion, runs to us and throws His arms around us.