A Daughter’s Letter to Her Dad

dear-dad

 

I want to let you know first of all that I love you and forgive you for what this has done in my life. I also wanted to let you know exactly what your porn use has done to my life. You may think that this effects only you, or even your and mom’s relationships. But it has had a profound impact on me and all of my siblings as well.

I found your porn on the computer somewhere around the age of 12 or so, just when I was starting to become a young woman. First of all, it seemed very hypocritical to me that you were trying to teach me the value of what to let into my mind in terms of movies, yet here you were entertaining your mind with this junk on a regular basis. Your talks to me about being careful with what I watched meant virtually nothing.

Because of pornography, I was aware that mom was not the only woman you were looking at. I became acutely aware of your wandering eye when we were out and about. This taught me that all men have a wandering eye and can’t be trusted. I learned to distrust and even dislike men for the way they perceived women in this way.

As far as modesty goes, you tried to talk with me about how my dress affects those around me and how I should value myself for what I am on the inside. Your actions however told me that I would only ever truly be beautiful and accepted if I looked like the women on magazine covers or in porn. Your talks with me meant nothing and in fact, just made me angry.

As I grew older, I only had this message reinforced by the culture we live in. That beauty is something that can only be achieved if you look like “them”. I also learned to trust you less and less as what you told me didn’t line up with what you did. I wondered more and more if I would ever find a man who would accept me and love me for me and not just a pretty face.

When I had friends over, I wondered how you perceived them. Did you see them as my friends, or did you see them as a pretty face in one of your fantasies? No girl should ever have to wonder that about the man who is supposed to be protecting her and other women in her life.

I did meet a man. One of the first things I asked him about was his struggle with pornography. I’m thankful to God that it is something that hasn’t had a grip on his life. We still have had struggles because of the deep-rooted distrust in my heart for men. Yes, your porn watching has affected my relationship with my husband years later.

If I could tell you one thing, it would be this: Porn didn’t just affect your life; it affected everyone around you in ways I don’t think you can ever realize. It still affects me to this day as I realize the hold that it has on our society. I dread the day when I have to talk with my sweet little boy about pornography and its far-reaching greedy hands. When I tell him about how pornography, like most sins, affects far more than just us.

Like, I said, I have forgiven you. I am so thankful for the work that God has done in my life in this area. It is an area that I still struggle with from time to time, but I am thankful for God’s grace and also my husband’s. I do pray that you are past this and that the many men who struggle with this will have their eyes opened.

love-daughter

 

 

 

 

*This has been posted anonymously due to the nature of the topic.*

This letter was provided by Luke Geraty, founding and managing editor of ThinkTheology.com.

Thank You Letter From An EMB Wife

This is a letter we received from an EMB wife whose husband went to the Every Man’s Battle Workshop in 2014.

Dear Steve,

I cannot thank you enough for what happened to my husband at Every Man’s Battle last weekend.

We have been married for 44 years. We have 9 precious children. Most of my marriage has been almost intolerable. I tolerated the intolerable until I found out that I was worth love. God’s love.

My husband’s dad baptized him in the pool of pornography at a very young age. In that baptismal pool all of his five senses were stopped (except for his ability to see himself and his needs). He had no ears to hear me or others. No eyes to see. No heart. I felt hopeless except for trusting God for a miracle. Nothing I said would be heard.

He abandoned me for a total of 10 years while he gave himself to his hobby. Everything was my fault to him. It took a crisis in our marriage 14 years ago for me to start to get strong. I have been on a journey. I went back in your archives and have listened to every one of your shows. I can’t thank you enough.

I required my husband to attend Every Man’s Battle last weekend. I got a new husband when he came back! I got my miracle!

Thank you Jason! Thank you New Life! Thank you Jesus!

My husband has come back and he talked to our two oldest sons yesterday and is going to talk to all of our children. We are giving them your book “Every Man’s Battle. We are going to stop this generational curse. We are building the walls!

Thank you so much!

Excuses

Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms. – 1 Peter 4:10

Excuses

There are so many excuses I could’ve used to hold back and not serve God, but none of them were good enough to miss God’s best.

Just the fact that I paid for an abortion could’ve kept me on the sidelines rather than preaching God’s truth. Despite that horrific ordeal, God has allowed me to speak at Crisis Pregnancy centers and help them raise millions of dollars during the past ten years. What a blessing it’s been for me to be used in that way.

Because I have failed in so many ways, God gets all the glory for anything that comes out of my life that’s worth mentioning. So no matter what comes my way, if God can still use me, as embarrassing and humbling as it might be, I want to be used for Him. I want the same for you. God can use you—imperfections and all.

Steve Arterburn

Controlling Your Emotions

Don’t abandon wisdom, and she will watch over you; love her, and she will guard you
Proverbs 4:6

Who is in charge of your emotions? Is it you, or have you formed the unfortunate habit of letting other people—or stressful situations—determine the quality of your thoughts and the direction of your day? If you’re wise—and if you’d like to build a better life for yourself and your loved ones—you’ll learn to control your emotions before your emotions control you.

Wisdom

Human emotions are highly variable, decidedly unpredictable, and often unreliable. Our emotions are like the weather, only far more fickle. So we must learn to live by faith, not by the ups and downs of our own emotional roller coasters.

Sometime during this day, you will probably be gripped by a strong negative feeling. Distrust it. Rein it in. Test it. And turn it over to God. Your emotions will inevitably change; God will not. So trust Him completely as you watch those negative feelings slowly evaporate into thin air—which, of course, they will.

I may no longer depend on pleasant impulses to bring me before the Lord. I must rather respond to principles I know to be right, whether I feel them to be enjoyable or not. 
Jim Elliot

Our feelings do not affect God’s facts. They may blow up, like clouds, and cover the eternal things that we do most truly believe. We may not see the shining of the promises—but they still shine! His strength is not for one moment less because of our human weakness. 
Amy Carmichael

TODAY’S PRAYER
Heavenly Father, You are my strength and my refuge. As I journey through this day, I will encounter events that cause me emotional distress. Lord, when I am troubled, let me turn to You. Keep me steady, Lord, and in those difficult moments, renew a right spirit inside my heart. Amen

Spiritual Warfare

Therefore, submit to God. But resist the Devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, sinners, and purify your hearts, double-minded people!  James 4:7-8 HCSB

This world is tough and maintaining one’s integrity is hard. Temptations are everywhere, and the devil, it seems, never takes a day off. Your challenge is to see those temptations for what they are: dangerous and destructive.

In his letter to Jewish Christians, Peter offered a stern warning: “Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8 NASB). What was true in New Testament times is equally true in our own. Evil is indeed abroad in the world, and Satan continues to sow the seeds of destruction far and wide. In a very real sense, our world is at war: good versus evil, addiction versus moderation, hope versus suffering, praise versus apathy. As Christians, we must ensure that we place ourselves squarely on the right side of these conflicts: God’s side. How can we do it? By thoughtfully studying God’s Word, by regularly worshiping with fellow believers, and by guarding our hearts and minds against the subtle temptations of the enemy. When we do, we are protected.

light is stronger than darkness

It’s out there, and it can hurt you. Evil does exist, and you will confront it. Prepare yourself by forming a genuine, life-changing relationship with God and His only begotten Son. There is darkness in this world, but God’s light can overpower any darkness.

There is nothing evil in matter itself. Evil lies in the spirit. Evils of the heart, of the mind, of the soul, of the spirit—these have to do with man’s sin, and the only reason the human body does evil is because the human spirit uses it to do evil.  ~ A. W. Tozer

Light is stronger than darkness—darkness cannot “comprehend” or “overcome” it. ~ Anne Graham Lotz

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.  ~ Edmund Burke

TODAY’S PRAYER
Dear God, thank you that greater is He who lives inside me than he that is in the world. Thank you, Lord that at your name demons flee. In my times of trouble and temptation help me to remember that there is power in Your name.

Beyond Fear

I sought the Lord, and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Psalm 34:4 HCSB

Eleanor Roosevelt observed, ‘You gain strength, courage and confidence every time you look fear in the face.’ Indeed she was correct in her observation, the decision to face a fear instead of running from it is always a character building exercise.

We live in a world that can be, at times, a very frightening place. Often times it can be a very discouraging place. The life-changing losses can be so painful, so profound that it seems we will never recover. But, with God’s help, and with the help of encouraging family members and friends, we can recover.

Beyond fear

During the darker days of life, we are wise to remember the words of Jesus, who reassured His disciples, saying, ‘Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid’ (Matthew 14:27 NIV).

Are you willing to face your fears right now? Are you willing to cast off the chains of timidity and procrastination by deciding to do what needs to be done now, not ‘later’? If the answer to these questions is yes, then you’re destined to build a better life for yourself and your loved ones.

Today, ask God for the courage to step beyond the boundaries of your self-doubts. Ask Him to guide you to a place where you  can realize your full potential-a place where you are freed from the fear of failure. Ask Him to do His part, and promise Him that you will do your part. Don’t ask Him to lead you to a “safe” place; ask Him to lead you to the “right” place . . . and remember: those two places are seldom the same.

Are you feeling anxious or fearful? If so, trust God to handle those problems that are simply too big for you to solve. Entrust the future-your future-to God. Then, spend a few minutes thinking about specific steps you can take to confront- and conquer-your fears.

As you ponder on these words by some wise men of our time, be encouraged today that our God is in control:

“When we meditate on God and remember the promises He has
given us in His Word, our faith grows, and our fears dissolve.” Charles Stanley

The Lord Jesus by His Holy Spirit is with me, and the knowledge of His presence dispels the darkness and allays any fears.”  Bill Bright

Today’s Prayer: Lord, I pray that today we will trust You to handle our problems, cares and fears. I commit my fears and anxieties to You. I lay before Your throne the problems that are too big for me, and I pray for guidance and direction as I try to navigate my way through my fears and troubles. Amen.

Cheerfulness 101

Cheerfulness 101

Every day is hard for those who suffer, but a happy heart is like a continual feast.Proverbs 15:15 NCV

prov1515

Cheerfulness is a wonderful antidote to stress. And, as believers who have been saved by a risen Christ, why shouldn’t we be cheerful? The answer, of course, is that we have every reason to honor our Savior with joy in our hearts, smiles on our faces, and words of celebration on our lips.

Christ promises us lives of abundance and joy if we accept His love and His grace. Yet sometimes, even the most righteous among us are beset by fits of ill temper and frustration. During these moments, we may not feel like turning our thoughts and prayers to Christ, but that’s precisely what we should do. When we do so, we simply can’t stay grumpy for long.

Cheerfulness prepares a glorious mind for all the noblest acts of religion—love, adoration, praise, and every union with our God. ~St. Elizabeth Ann Seton

It is not fitting, when one is in God’s service, to have a gloomy face or a chilling look.   ~St. Francis of Assisi

God is good, and heaven is forever. And if those two facts don’t cheer you up, nothing will.    ~Marie T. Freeman

When we bring sunshine into the lives of others, we’re warmed by it ourselves. ~Barbara Johnson

TODAY’S PRAYER
Dear Lord, You have given me so many reasons to be happy, and I want to be a cheerful Christian. Today and every day, I will do my best to share my happiness with my family and my friends. Amen

God’s Business of Transformation

butterfly.newlife

So if your heart sings when you hear what you hear on our radio program, when our message on tv.newlife.com speaks to your heart, when you hear of or experience life-change at our workshops or in the office of a network counselor, then I appeal to you to support New Life with a generous gift of support today.

We are very grateful for each and every gift you make, whether it’s $5, $50, $500, or $5,000.  Not only are we grateful, but more importantly, those who benefit from the way God works through this ministry are grateful–the hurting and confused who are looking, and often desperately, for help and redirection in life.

Your gift makes all the difference in the world to:

  • Bob and Lucy whose marriage wasn’t working and they came to New Life looking to learn how to put it back together.
  • Teresa, a single mother whose son was looking at porn, and she didn’t know what to do, so she calls us for help.
  • Leo, whose wife died after 54 years of marriage, and he’s grieving not knowing how to go forward in life without her, so he looked to us for what to do.
  • Tom and Dianne who are empty nesters until their 34 year-old daughter lost her job and wanted to move back home—“We don’t want to say yes, but how do we lovingly say, ‘No?’” they asked.
  • Mark blew up once too often in a fit of rage at his wife, LaDonna, who was fearful and thinking of separating, so she called the radio show in tears not knowing what to do and how to help him get help.   

Your financial support allows us to help these folks find God’s answer—it might be advice on radio (we pay a lot for radio air time!), we might refer them to a counselor, they may read a book or listen to a teaching CD, or it might be that they attend one of our workshops.  But whatever they do, it’s our goal to help them see the truth and take steps towards healing and transformation.

I don’t know why it is, but April is always one of our toughest months financially, and we’re just coming out of that.  Maybe it’s because taxes were due to Uncle Sam in April . . . I don’t really know.  But it’s the case that we need your help this month in a big way.

So as you’re able, with a cheerful spirit, to support our mission of life transformation, please do so today.

And to say thank you for your gift of support this month, I’ll send you two things:  A chrome-finished, brass, New Life keychain.  It’s a bit of a departure from our books and CD’s but we’ve had requests from time to time for something other than a book, so we thought we’d see how you like this nice keychain.  And a DVD with over an hour’s worth of segments from our new venture, New Life TV, a subscription TV channel that is simply amazing!  On the DVD we have the following segments:

  1.  Our God is a God of 2nd Chances  (Steve solo)
  2.  Compliance—Learning to Surrender (Steve, John & Dave)
  3.  I Can Forgive Anyone Except Myself (Dave solo)
  4.  My Apology to Women (Steve and Sheri)
  5.  How to Begin an Ending (Steve, Henry & Jill)
  6.  Repairing Marriage (Milan & Kay)
  7.  Saving a Young Man and His Marriage (Steve & Jason)
  8. Marijuana is the Soft Porn of Drugs (Steve, Henry & Jill)

Thank you in advance for making what God does through this ministry a reality.  We could not do it without you!

See you on the radio (and at tv.newlife.com),

signature

Founder

P.S.  Here’s an example of what the first several hundred subscribers are saying on our New Life TV site:

  • Love that Shannon….Skyping interviews are amazing with your teams. Best $10 a month. $.33 a day!
  • I have become a daily radio listener and I think New Life is one of the most important Christian media outlets right up there with Focus on the Family. The t.v. makes me feel like I am a member of the family and because we are such a visual society I believe people will connect with Sheri, Shannon, Milan, John, Henry, Dave and Steve even more than the radio.
  • Just have to say I’m lovin’ Newlife TV! Thanks for the short pieces as well as longer–this piece on the Christian home is very concise and helpful.
  • Love, Love, Love New Life TV!
  • I am enjoying and learning so much!
  • BTW, love what you are doing here and am very excited to keep seeing more!
  • Thank you for New Life TV. I love it.
  • I just joined New Life TV today, and I am hooked. What great insight, and example!

 

Reaching Out – The Best Way I know to Give Back

giving-back
Hey Guys,

Sexual things/images—do you ever think they control you instead of you controlling them?

Here is an upcoming national workshop that is going to be held in Indianapolis, IN the first weekend of April.  I attended this workshop fourteen years ago in CA, and found it to be a great resource that equipped me with the tools needed to win the daily battle of sexual integrity in my life.  

Sexual things/images are being shot at us in every direction, so it seems.  Quite often I find other guys that are wanting to win this internal battle, too, but like I used to think, they feel like they just need to try harder or pray more.  Prior to attending “Every Man’s Battle”, I didn’t know and wasn’t using all the tools that God has available for those that are wanting to find true freedom. God created my sexual being as VERY GOOD, but the one problem was I hadn’t been taught or trained to use it for good, as our society primarily  promotes it from “it’s all about my pleasure” negative worldly view.  There is a lot more to my story that I’m open to discussing with anyone.

If you are interested in the “Every Man’s Battle” (EMB) workshop click on the link below.  Any full time pastor can attend free of charge.  If you have interest, but financially don’t know how you can make it work, give me a call or send me an email.

http://newlife.com/emb/workshop/

Satan desires for you and me to be in bondage-while GOD has put a plan in place for us to experience true freedom.

Is pride and fear keeping you stuck in bondage? In Christ you can break the chains as you step out of your comfort zone. 

If you are wanting a deeper/richer sexual life with your wife that has a WOW factor, GOD has the plan.  As for me, the awesome rewards thus far have outweighed  the work that it has taken Renee & I to get from point A to point B.  It’s a working art in progress.

To me it seems like the “Church” has missed the mark as this isn’t an issue that is commonly talked about.  Is that the reason why the foundation of marriage is failing?  Can the divorce rates (according to the Barna Research Group that are just as strong for Christian marriages as non-Christian marriage) be changed?  What can I/we do to protect our marriages and reverse this trend?  Do you know who’s plan you are using, GOD’s or the world’s? I strongly sense we are being massively deceived into believing Lucifer’s craftiness as he continues his master plan of deception. Terrible things happen, relationships are damaged, wounds are deep – but God has a plan for healing, restoration and transformation!

Then Jesus called to the crowd to come and hear. “Listen,” he said, “and try to understand. It’s not what goes into your mouth that defiles you; you are defiled by the words that come out of your mouth.” Then the disciples came to him and asked, “Do you realize you offended the Pharisees by what you just said?” Jesus replied, “Every plant not planted by my heavenly Father will be uprooted, so ignore them. They are blind guides leading the blind, and if one blind person guides another, they will both fall into a ditch.” Then Peter said to Jesus, “Explain to us the parable that says people aren’t defiled by what they eat.” “Don’t you understand yet?”Jesus asked.  Anything you eat passes through the stomach and then goes into the sewer. But the words you speak come from the heart-that’s what defiles you. For from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all sexual immorality, theft, lying, and slander. These are what defile you. Eating with unwashed hands will never defile you.” - Mathew 15:10-20 NLT

The Bible is teaching me new things about good vs. evil.

It’s not the sexual images that makes me sinful or defiles me in of its self, it’s the process of how I allow my mind/heart/spirit to filter those images that then has the potential of either luring me towards sinful actions of lusting/acting out. It’s only when I willingly choose in each moment to strive to live not for my own physical pleasure that I then am able to be a mirror reflection of my Creator and bring a smile upon HIS (my Daddy’s) face and HE communicates to me “Well Done Robb, I love it when you willing choose good. The actions or your heart enables me to know that you love ME”.

Thanks for being willing to read and entertain my passions and convictions.  Challenging thoughts are welcome . . .  

Sowing Seeds for God’s Harvest,

Robb

The Value of Connection

Connected HandsAn important aspect of dependency is that it teaches us that relationship is the most important thing in the universe. Connection is really the deepest value in God’s heart.

He constructed everything, and He Himself exists, in terms of relationship: ‘God is love‘ (John 4:16). When you allow dependent feelings and stances in life, you begin to live life the way God intended it. Relationship is not only a means to an end; it is an end in itself.

Closeness to God and others is what life is all about. Life has meaning, fulfillment and purpose in relationship. Some people have never experienced relationship as a good thing in their lives. For example, you may see dependency as being weak and vulnerable, or have fears of abandonment. Or you may have been so disconnected that there appears to be no real value in connection. Where there is no hunger, it is hard to value dependency.

As you work through these difficulties, you can learn to experience closeness as something not only good for you, but as the ‘highest good’ experience and position that God provides for us. In addition, becoming close to God and others is one of the major factors enabling you to be able to give up things you are in bondage to, such as addictions, destructive feelings and poor relationships.

‘LOVE NEVER FAILS!’ (I Cor. 13:8)

Do you need help getting connected? Join us at one of our Weekend Workshops, you will laugh, learn, and by God’s grace  be transformed.