4 Signs Your Accountability Isn’t Working

Over and over the topic of accountability comes up in my world. What is it? What makes it effective? Who has the responsibility? What should you look for in the person you’re accountable to? These questions and more consistently surface. Sometimes it’s easier to recognize what something isn’t before you can accurately see what it is. So, in this post, I’ll give you 4 signs that your accountability structure isn’t working and why it may be hindering your process.

1 – You aren’t confronted when you don’t keep your word.  If you say you will or won’t do something and, when checking in on that something, are allowed to justify not following through, your accountability isn’t working. Follow through is huge. Accountability on follow through is huge-er.

2 – You go A.W.O.L. and nobody confronts you about it. If you can disappear for a week, be completely out of touch (via text, call or email) and no one asks you to explain yourself your accountability isn’t working.

3 – Your first answer to probing questions is accepted. If you aren’t asked multiple “why’s” you probably aren’t getting the mileage you could be. Example:

You:  “I got defensive when my wife decided to look at my cellphone without asking”.

Accountability Partner (AP): Why?

You:  Because I should have some privacy.

AP:  Why?

You:  Because I am entitled to it!

AP: You gave up your entitlements when violated trust and broke her heart.

4 – Finally, if there aren’t regular conversations about your motivation and becoming who God is calling you to be, your accountability probably isn’t working. The goal we’re all shooting for is progressive sanctification; walking another step closer to Jesus and following his will. Growing in character. If we lose sight of our why, we’ll certainly fumble our what and how.

Next post I’ll give some input on what makes accountability work effectively.

7 thoughts on “4 Signs Your Accountability Isn’t Working

  1. Jason, I have already made a comment on accountability. I am in need of some real help with sexual addicions also I need to know how to reach an accountabilty partner. I don`t know if i can trust anyone in my church in fear it could hinder my minstry in the church. What can I do? Thank you.

  2. Jason,
    I am brand new to this form of support I’ve been reading some of your post and I’ve almost had my entire life ripped away from me. My fiancé and I have been together for almost a year and are expecting out first child together. In the beginning of our relationship I committed infidelity and promised her it shall never happen again, well needless to say about 6 months later, we were at a concert for her oldest and I ran into an old friend who I used to have a sexual relationship with and low and behold I ended up committing infidelity again. I NEED Help.. How can I find an accountability partner or some one I can confided in to abolish these issues I feel so alone in my struggle with this.. Any tips or suggestions please email me thank you alot for your time Dwayne

  3. I am the wife of a man who has had issues. We stumbled upon your book, “Worthy of Her Trust”. I have never ever heard a man explain in word or type exactly what has happened to me because of my husband’s lust. The problem has gotten both of us closer to God in our walk with Him, however, I need some help from your wife’s perspective. Please help me. I am a prisoner to my triggers. I would like to know what Shelley did to manage/handle hers. They are everywhere. We are pretty much in seclusion over this.

    • Hi Jennifer, I’m sorry you’re having to struggle so badly with triggers. They are unfortunately a part of the journey. Shelley still has to process them even 11 years later, however they don’t wreck her the way they did in the beginning. Since practically every wife going through this has to deal with triggers, I’m going to talk to her about doing a blog post on it. Beyond that, I’d encourage you to consider a Women in the Battle workshop, where 1) you’ll feel like its safe to come out of seclusion and 2) they will talk about handling triggers.

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