If you have or had small kids and you took a road trip, you can probably hear those little voices in your head asking, “are we there yet? Are we there yet?” On the one hand so cute, on the other so annoying. Sometimes they don’t let up until you actually arrive at your destination.
Many men in recovery act the same way. They come into my office and and spend several months doing counseling only to ask the question, “are we there yet?” This is especially true where marital restoration is concerned. I had a husband this week say he’s exhausted, wondering when the hard work of marital restoration will be over; and it’s only be 4 months since the mocha hit the fan! We long for some future destination where the pain isn’t so present and the difficult work is behind us. I even have people ask me that about my own recovery. They’ll say, “so when did you finally arrive and not have to worry about temptation anymore?” My response is usually to look at my watch and comment about the ongoing journey. We never arrive. And maybe that’s the point!
Sure, there are stages in recovery where temptation subsides a bit. There are times in relational restoration when it seems like more good days than bad. The general trajectory can be forward and upwards, towards a better day. But the destination isn’t so important. It’s what God wants to do, in us, during the journey that is important. He wants to change our character and our hearts along the way. Too many people miss our on becoming different because they just want to arrive at the destination. And, as a side note, most wives who hear their husband ask “are we there yet” feel rushed, pushed and blamed for the difficult journey of recovery.
If you’re struggling with the the road trip of recovery I urge you to remember; it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey. God wants to do some amazing things inside you during this stage of the trip. Enjoy the scenery as best you can. Play some travel bingo or the ABC game. Do something to remain present on this trip, rather than miss what God has for you while you’re just waiting to arrive.