We’ve all seen and read devotionals, psychology articles, etc. that point toward the benefits of practicing gratitude. But, did you know gratitude can be a helpful component of trust building and marital restoration?
If you’ve violated trust in your marriage, when was the last time you told your spouse you are thankful they didn’t leave you? I mean directly and to the point; “Shelley, I want you to know that I’m thankful for your willingness to stay with me, and for working through the pain I’ve caused you”.
Likewise, when was the last time you told your spouse what you are thankful for about them? I’m not talking about being thankful for what your spouse does, or does for you, or how they make you feel; I mean practicing gratitude for who they are.
A lot of wives want their husbands to want them. In the wake of betrayal, I often hear wives say they want to be wanted for who they are; not what they do, nor what their body is like, nor how they parent, or how they keep the business afloat, or their cooking. To hear, directly, what you love about your wife and that you appreciate the difficulty of choosing to work through things can be healing to them. It can build trust.
We get to benefit from practicing gratitude too. Sometimes I need a reminder that I’m thankful Shelley didn’t leave. Sometimes I need the reminder that her character traits are honorable, cherish-able and unique. In the end, we both benefit.
As an example of practicing gratitude, here’s a recent text I sent Shelley. Maybe you can steal some of it for your own:
——— I cannot imagine life without you. I don’t want to imagine life without you. You said recently that its scary to let yourself need me, and likewise, I think its a little scary to let myself need you too. The intensity of emotion I feel when I think about you leaving, or blowing up our lives again and losing you, is unreal. I don’t ever want to put us or you in jeopardy again. I sure do love you. thank you for not leaving me.——–