Men, I want to share just five simple thoughts about families with you. Please listen to them closely. Let them be food for your thought, reflection, and prayer as you go about your business today.
1)Families form people.
2)The most crucially formative relationship for a man is his relationship with his father.
3)A man will spend decades of his life trying to compensate for gaps in his relationship with his dad. And until genuine healing occurs, these attempts to compensate will only draw him into destructive lifestyles, habits, addictions, and relationships.
4)Every man must face and deal directly with the wounds that prevent his progress.
5)Every man courageous enough to let God touch these so-called ‘father wounds’ can find healing and renewal.
Men, our heavenly Father will get to the root causes of our thoughts and actions if we’ll only stop running, stop compensating, and open ourselves in trust to Him to do so. His penetrating gaze can search even the most painful areas of our lives; His gracious touch is what we need in order to heal’there are simply no substitutes; and that touch will leave us as men who intimately know what redemption means’men who are prepared to be ‘wounded healers’ in the lives of others.
Think about these. Pray about them. Taste of the Lord and see that He is good.
Men, your wife’s weaknesses can create impasses that threaten oneness in your marriage, can’t they? Okay. So the next question should be: what can you do to address these impasses and facilitate unity? Surely, as her leader, you could demand that she straighten up and fly right? But it won’t help. In fact, it will probably make matters much worse. Surely you can find a more effective way to help her when she needs your support. Why not lay down your rights as the leader and graciously love her through these impasses?
Your wife’s weaknesses are as much a part of her as her gifts are, so you must not trample upon either of them. You love yourself and handle your own weaknesses with mercy and grace, don’t you? You hope others will make allowances and work patiently with them as you do, right? So allow your wife’s weaknesses to be expressed as freely as yours are. Then, in grace, work together in kindness and diligence at the impasse.
Guys, if your approach has been to crow like a rooster over every one of your wife’s imperfections, the time has come for you to eat some crow. Confess your unloving attitude to God and to her, and watch what happens. If she’s like 98 percent of all women, she’ll draw closer to you, and your relationship will continue to grow for as long as you appreciate and accept her’imperfections, weaknesses, and all.
If Christians were on fire for God, it would show in our marriages. Don’t you think the fact that rates of adultery and marital dissatisfaction in the Christian church are no different than the rates outside the church reveals something about our hearts that needs to be addressed?
Very few of us are consumed by our marriages, and fewer still are consumed by purity. Yet both are God’s desire for us. God’s purpose for your marriage is that it parallels Christ’s relationship to His church’that is, to be consumed with self-sacrificing love for our wives, and lay down our lives to make marital oneness a reality.
But when this doesn’t happen as we’d like, we get frustrated. ‘Well, if this is how she’s going to be,’ we think to ourselves, ‘why should I go through all the effort of serving her, and of being pure? She doesn’t deserve it.’ We’re tempted to retaliate and withdraw from our responsibilities.
Men, we all need reminding that our marriages are unconditional covenants, not conditional contracts. That means that amidst ever changing conditions and emotions, our commitment must never waiver.
Perhaps you’re finding it difficult to cherish your wife’to treat her with tenderness and hold her dear. Warm, romantic feelings are great, but fleeting. What if you don’t have them at the moment you need them? Lean upon your commitment to God. Be faithful to your commitment made before God and witnesses and don’t let your marriage covenant be dictated by feelings alone.