Bounce Your Eyes

In talking to alumni over the past few weeks, the thing that seems to keep cropping up is, “It’s summertime, and the women are wearing less clothing. How do I deal with that?” This summer is the perfect opportunity to practice ‘bouncing the eyes’ as Steve Arterburn and Fred Stoeker wrote about in the ‘Every Man’s Battle‘ book.

First of all, what exactly is meant by ‘bouncing the eyes?’ Well, as those of you who have read the book will know, it’s not complicated, but it is extremely effective. Steve writes: “The problem is that your eyes have always bounced toward the sexual, and you’ve made no attempt to end this habit. To combat it, you need to build a reflex action by training your eyes to immediately bounce away from the sexual, like the jerk of your hand away from a hot stove. Let’s repeat that for emphasis: “When your eyes bounce toward a woman, they must bounce away immediately. . .”
If you bounce your eyes for six weeks, you can win this war. As I write this, it is the middle of July, which means there are six weeks left of summer. Coincidence? I think not!

First Step: Make a List of Your Enemies!
The first way to start, Fred tells us, is by making a list of your “greatest enemies”. These could be lingerie ads, either in a seemingly harmless department store catalog, or that Victoria’s Secret magazine that your wife left laying around. It could include billboards, it could be TV shows or ads, it may be female joggers, or maybe it’s that female co-worker who tends to dress a little suggestively. And then there’s always the beach.

Second Step: Set up a Battle Plan!
In any event, the second step is to set up a “battle plan”, a way you are going to get victory. Let’s look at each of our examples:

  •  If you are looking at a department store catalog, make a covenant with your eyes and with yourself that   you will only look at men’s clothes, and then you will close it.
  • And if Victoria’s Secret is an issue, simply ask your wife to be discreet with where she leaves it. She will respect you for being honest with her.
  • If billboards are a problem on your drive into work, and an alternate route is out of the question, make a mental note of which streets or exits on the freeway the billboards falls between, and then as you approach that area, focus on something else; prayer, some verses you’ve memorized, or even something else near the road that is neutral.
  • As far as the TV goes, use your TV guide, turn on one show that you know is safe, and don’t flip around during commercials. Or if you’re watching a ball game and the advertisements are the problem, have the remote handy, and when the commercials come on, go to a program that you have already designated as being safe.
  • Joggers. Practice bouncing your eyes to the other side of the road, or straight ahead. It will be tough at first but if you continue to do it, it will get easier as time goes on.
  • At work, again, practice bouncing the eyes onto something else when that female comes into your line of sight. Have a picture of your family at your work place. Pretend that your wife, or if you’re single, maybe Jesus, is sitting next to you at your desk or wherever you’re working.
  • If you have a problem at the beach, don’t go, at least until you feel this part of your life is under control. There are other ways to have fun during the summer.

The above suggestions are admittedly not rocket science, but too many of us neglect them. Let’s use this summer as a way to get victory, not an excuse to act out. Make it a goal to be regularly bouncing your eyes by Labor Day. God will honor you for it.

For more help, see Every Man’s Battle. You can also call 800-NEW-LIFE (639-5433)

Fighting the Battle Alone

In order to stay ‘in the fight’ for the long haul and be successful, you have to connect with others. For most of us, we may have the hunger and desire to connect, but struggle with HOW we do that especially when we’re in the midst of temptation.

It’s rather ironic that the Internet is about connecting people to each other, and it can be such a great tool for doing just that. But like any powerful tools, its purpose can be corrupted to the opposite extreme.

So many of the people I work with have found isolation and avoidance of interpersonal connections through the Internet. It’s amazing how subtle and desirable a substitute for the real can be.

“Who is SAFE?”
So, how do we go about making quality connection so that we can fight being in the battle alone? One of the first questions you must ask is: ‘Who is safe?’ The problem is that for many of us, we don’t even know what the word ‘safe’ means in regards to relationships. Professionals, who are bound by confidentiality are usually safe. But there are many others too. To understand what makes for safety in a relationship that will move you toward health and healing, think of a safe spot that you may have in your home. It’s a place where you place valuable things and know they will stay there protected. You’ll want to apply this same principle to your struggle. Look for who you can tell the ‘good, bad, and ugly’ stories to and be rest assured that they will stay ‘safe!’ It’s by communicating these personal stories that each of us can find freedom from many of the lies that Satan would have us believe about ourselves.

Make the Accountability Connection Work for You
Being connected to someone for accountability means that they will know what questions to ask you, because they will know your weaknesses. But to help make the accountability connection work for you, ask your partner to do the following:

  • Call you every day (or whatever the two of you work out between you).
  • Ask you ‘How you are feeling.’
  • Then ask you, ‘Now, how are you REALLY feeling!?’
  • Ask you ‘What do you have planned today to build the life God wants for you?’
  • Ask you, ‘Who are you resenting, angry at? Where do you feel out of control?’
  • Ask you, ‘Where is the greatest point of desperation in your life?
  • Connecting with someone who will ask you these questions and encourage you in your life’s journey will change your life.  If finding a trustworthy confidant is tough for you, we’d like to help.

Call us today on 800-NEW-LIFE (639-5433).

God’s Protection

God is protecting you from yourself.

Have you ever considered what temptations, trials or tribulations God has already protected you from? Ones you never even felt or experienced. Have you reflected on the ones where He delivered you from the very midst? How many times has He saved you from yourself? These unseen instances are probably too great to count. The visible instances are often easy to forget. Yet we cannot underestimate His sovereignty. We cannot overestimate His love. We have His word that we’re protected. By His outstretched arm and mighty hand He protects His people. It may not seem like it today, but He is busy at the work of protecting you. That is not to say he won’t keep us from harm or even death, but it is to say his sovereignty is implicit in it.

Instead of spending time asking questions about why He won’t deliver you from your sin or circumstance, reframe your perspective and attempt to see where He is already saving you from the magnitude of it.
When I reflect on my sexual addiction and all the damage I did, I can also see how much worse it could have been. There were so many opportunities for me to blow up my life with more magnitude and collateral damage and God was faithful to protect me. From myself. In a sense, he let me enter into painful circumstances to avoid even more painful circumstances.

Perhaps even today God is protecting us from ourselves. Let us be thankful.

Here are a few verses to investigate around this subject:

2 Sam 22:31, Psalm 46:1, Psalm 62:7, Exodus 33:19-23, Psalm 136:12