Faulty Core Beliefs

Every month at EMB we talk about faulty core beliefs. These include beliefs about ourselves such as “I’m a monster”, “I’m unlovable”, “I’m unforgivable” and “I’m worthless” to name a few. We also have faulty core beliefs about our needs and the ability and/or willingness of the people near us to meet them.

This past weekend at the workshop, while having a dialogue with the attendees about intimacy aversion, someone said, “I’ve convinced myself I am the only one who can or will meet my needs.” Guess who that automatically sidelines….

  • His wife
  • His God
  • Other healthy, safe men
  • His kids
  • His parents

Unfortunately, he expressed a core belief that most men with sexual integrity issues have. Whilst the belief is present, people (wives, friends, pastors) try desperately to get inside the walls around the guy’s heart only to be catapulted back over when real or perceived rejection is a risk. It is INCREDIBLY frustrating to wives. They get tired of being catapulted.

For me, the only way this belief was dismantled and eventually jettisoned was to begin allowing guys in. I couldn’t even let Shelley in at first. It was only a few safe men I was willing to trust. And I was skeptical and resistant even to that. But with time, I realized and experienced those guys meeting my needs. Not ultimately and with finality, but in those dire moments, they were there.

Sometimes the need was simply for perspective, that it wasn’t all lost. Sometimes it was reassurance that I wasn’t a monster, but instead a broken man. Often it was a simple reminder that God hadn’t given up on me. Every once in a while it was a hug.

If this describes you, perhaps its time to let some people in. Not another image. Not another mistress. Not another prostitute. Some people who will hate what you’re doing and love you along the way.

By the way, that’s one of the great privileges of being a part of the Every Mans Battle weekend. For a few, brave men, they will allow us (staff) access to their hearts. We can be a conduit of God, meeting their needs for the moment.

In a couple days I’ll post about another, even more detrimental faulty core belief. Stay tuned…

 

3 thoughts on “Faulty Core Beliefs

  1. please pray for me as I struggle with the urge to look at pornography and other objectionable material that I know is wrong / My wife and I have been going to a church that is just getting started ; I want to serve Christ in an honorable way. I have been asked to help with youth and want to serve with integrity by that I mean I want to be more honest in my walk by not looking at things that are disapproving.

    • One must be trustworthy,honest and have integrity. If porn is your issue and God hasn’t gifted you w freedom from it yet, why not? The underlying sin is lust. The answer is to experience the New Birth through receiving Christ into your life to become a whole healthy, saved person in right relationship w Him then He can use you to minister to the needs of other adults. Don’t set yourself up to abuse a child /youth How can God b pleased with what’s going on in your head while thinking you can show responsibility for caring for children? Bow out gracefully friend that is not a position for you. Not now, maybe not ever. Children deserve to b cared for by healthy, safe and God fearing people. Don’t risk another’s well being! Why would you?

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