There is an interesting phenomenon that happens with addicts; even sexual addicts. It begins just after they make a commitment to change. They start to envision life without their old friend (the addiction) and it gets a little heavy. They think about what life will be like without the old coping mechanisms and thought patterns and, while they know in the long run life will be better, in the short run it seems unbearable. Then a thought kicks in: “just one more time. One last hoorah. Just indulge this one last time and enjoy it, because you will never experience it again. You deserve it”. Some say it’s the Accuser. Some say it’s the addict inside. Others say it is the mind playing tricks. However you explain it and wherever it comes from, it is entirely fraudulent.
A lot of men experience it though. It promises to fulfill one last time and, just like every other time, is a complete disappointment. What’s worse is when someone buys into the lie, they dose themselves with more shame, which perpetuates the acting out cycle and pushes them further from recovery. We hear this story all the time at EMB. A guy has been signed up to attend for a month and the week of the workshop he’ll act out. He will even say he felt like he had to have one more go ‘round. It’s like we have this core belief that we are losing something close to us, something important to us. And the truth is, for many, it is important and close. It is the security blanket of comfort and self-reliance that we’ve counted on since being a teenager. But it’s time to let it go. It is time to rely on God to be our comfort and security.
Please don’t buy the lie. Whether you have 1 day, 1 month or 1 year of sobriety, remember, you’ve begun your recovery! Don’t turn back now! It will just disappoint you again. If you are signed up for the EMB workshop, don’t take that last hoorah. You’ll thank yourself later.