Satisfaction Guaranteed

One of the subtle realities of pornography, affairs, strip clubs and/or prostitutes is guaranteed satisfaction. Sure, we all know that in the aftermath of acting out there is zero satisfaction. But in the moment, the fix is real and never lets us down.

To explain further, remember that sexual acting out isn’t about sex. It’s about the emotional charge, the escape from reality and the offset to the longings of our soul. Where we feel overwhelmed we feel peace for a moment, where disconnected we feel a sense of belonging, where feeling criticized we feel appreciated, where minimized like we matter, helpless – powerful, failure – accomplishment. You get the picture. With a click of a button, a swipe of a screen, an email or a phone call we can instantly inject enough morphine into our system to numb the unpleasant present reality. Guaranteed. For a few moments.

But the real antidote to acting out is intimacy. There is actually a 1-for-1 offset that doesn’t often get spoken of. When you have a couple people (besides your spouse) in your life who you know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, will be there for you, there is a direct offset to the sexual acting out. Will porn ever reject you at 2am? Nope. Is there someone you are 100% confident will answer your call if you ring them at 2am? If the answer is no, you’ll consistently revert back to the guaranteed hit.

Taking it a step further, sexual acting out provides a false sense of security. We know, even without thinking about it, we just “know” that it’ll be there for us. It’s been proven. Tested. Tried. There is no question. That sense of guarantee, where you know that you know that you know, that’s called security. Porn (for example) provides security. That’s kind of sick to think, isn’t it? Say it out loud and give it a test drive; see how it sits with you when you say: “Porn provides me security”. “Strip clubs provide me security”. “Masturbating gives me security”. Weird, right?

We need men in our lives who we know, that we know, that we know have our best interest at heart and will be there for us absolutely any time we need them. Hands down. They are on vacation…they’ll answer our call. Middle of a meeting at work…answer our call if its an emergency. 2am…groggy and halitosis, they’ll drive to the ends of the earth to help us.

Cultivate that, and I can almost guarantee you won’t need acting out anymore.

4 thoughts on “Satisfaction Guaranteed

  1. I’d have to disagree with this email in a way. Having someone at our disposable use is selfish and breaks boundaries. Leaving work room to answer a phone call? What if they get in trouble with their boss? Wake them up at 2 am on a consistent basis? What if they have a family?

    I’m not saying this doesn’t work for everyone but I know for me that I have a ton of wonderful people on my life that have put up strong boundaries that have provoked change in my life that has done nothing but break obsessions and push me toward taking ownership. It’s tough love that has really done that. And to find someone who will be at your disposable use can permanently burn bridges in a relationship and cause so much damage and even more heartbreak that’ll cause more pain on both parties.

    • Many people do need this sort of help in times of great need whether a convenient time or not. I know that on a few occasions I have called on a sponsor or a close friend in recovery that has been there for me and they’ve taken a selfless attitude to help me when I am in great need. And I happily and welcome to return the favor to them or anyone else in recovery. I understand your point, and it is a valid point, however I believe it is the exception rather than the rule. And a great article as positive as this one is very encouraging to those men like us who need that extra boost of security from a real person rather than resorting to a quick fix that is long term damaging.

  2. I am a member of SA and the Man I fellowship with are 100% committed to helping me stay sober and to them it is not an imposition to get the inconvenient call. With this spirit of selflessness we carry each others burdens.

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