The WEB Ministry

G. Mike Clark, L.M.F.T., D.Min.

What is the WEB?
First of all, the WEB has nothing to do with a spider web or Spider Man. WEB begins with an understanding of relationships and its importance to each of us. God made us from the very beginning for relationships , starting with God and Adam, and then Adam and Eve. WEB stands for Watch Each (others) Back. This phrase has crossed over from military usage. For our purpose, this concept in WEB focuses on the husband-wife relationship as they ‘look out for each other’ in their every daily lives.

The last two decades

During the last two decades, multiple ministries have emerged with a focus on men and accountability. Men’s groups promote this concept by meeting together on a weekly basis for accountability, encouragement, prayer, and the availability to call each other throughout the week. However, WEB has a different approach. The proposal of WEB gives hope and direction to couples in their daily lives. It begins with each of them having a teachable heart; a commitment to God and their spouse.

The basic principle of WEB

The principle of WEB is that couples are watching out for each other, protecting the other person as much as they can from being hit by the enemy. Like soldiers, husbands and wives are not to see each other as enemies. Sometimes it can feel that way unintentionally in their marriage. When situations in life occur either of them may feel alone, in the foxhole, vulnerable to ‘being shot’ at from the tree line or by each other.

An example of how it works

Some weeks ago, Fay, my wife, and I walked through one of the local malls. One of the stores we browsed through sold art pieces. While walking through the store Fay gently steered me away from one of the aisles and we exited the store. I asked her, ‘What was that about?’ Her response was, ‘There was something you did not need to see?’ I understood and immediately thanked her for watching out for me. She knew that I did not need to see what was on display. She was watching out for me.

Husbands protect your wife

The same can be true for us husbands watching out for our wife’s back. It may take another form, but the principle is still there. If we are neglecting her needs physically, emotionally, or spiritually, we may leave her open for a vulnerable moment just like my situation at the art store. We men need to realize that it is not just a ‘me’ issue dealing with pornography on the store shelf, on the Internet, or any form of lusting after women. It is an ‘Us’ issue, couples looking out for each other’s back, daily. This takes away the sting when either of them is free to bring up a topic or concern and find resolution. Here both are in agreement, because they are looking out for each other.

The two of ‘Us’

The two of ‘Us’ is the central component of WEB. Accountability related to our marriage is more than just us men being on the alert looking out for what is ahead, bouncing our eyes, filters on the computer. It is both the husband and the wife protecting the other person. Husbands, we are to look out for our wife by protecting her during those vulnerable moments wherever and whenever it may be.

Looking to the future

Again, the ministry of WEB is for both the husband and the wife. To do this, both need to be educated in men’s groups and ladies support groups, and couples workshops. During these workshops/classes, a priority must be put on how to implement these principles in their marriage. Looking to the future, what would marriages possibly look like five, ten, fifteen years from now, if couples began to ‘look out for each other’ using the principle of WEB in their marriages?

Please join us for our next New Life Weekend.

Rebuilding Trust in Friendships

Clint Thomas

Friendships can be an incredible source of stability, encouragement and strength. God said in Genesis 2:18, ‘It is not good for man to be alone,’ thus the friendship between Adam and Eve began. Also in Hebrews 10:24-25 we are exhorted to, ‘spur one another on toward love and good deeds as well as maintain meeting together for the purposes of encouragement.” In other passages (Eph. 4, 1 Cor. 12, Rom. 12) Paul talks of Christians working together as a body in interdependence. All throughout scripture we see examples of the importance of friendships.

A good friendship requires maintenance and care, time and attention. Something we guys don’t think much about this part of friendship, expecting that it won’t require any effort. In effect we sometimes treat friendships as if they have very little value. In large part we have not been taught how to maintain or value these relationships. An unfortunate fact about our culture today is that most men have very few friends compared to women. As a result this has negative effects on our emotional and physical health.

Friendships are primarily about intimacy; knowing another person and being known. The phrases ‘see into me’ or ‘into me see’ describe it well.

Maintenance within a friendship is allowing yourself to be fully known and showing interest in knowing the other person. When this happens a deep connection can be experienced. However, what happens when we are caught up in sin that we are ashamed to share with our friends? Can we be intimate and hide simultaneously?

This is the ultimate struggle in friendships and marriage for that matter; allowing our sin to be known as well as our positive qualities. I hear from wives who are broken by their husband’s sexual sin say, ‘I thought I knew him but I guess I didn’t. I feel so hurt, I don’t know if I can ever trust him again’.

They feel betrayed, foolish and vulnerable. While wives are our closest friends, our other friends will sometimes feel similar.

Friendships are like taking a walk with someone. The further you travel the closer you become. However, at the point you begin to lie, or deceive, you are no longer walking with that person even though they think you are. You have chosen a separate fork in the road.

Rebuilding the friendship is much like walking back to the fork in the road where you separated from your friend and starting from that point forward. Your friend will know that you are trustworthy by your willingness to do this without defensiveness. They will see they are important to you by your willingness to put this kind of effort forward to restore trust with them.

A trustworthy person will have words and deeds that match. What they say and what they do will be the same. They will also acknowledge when they have hurt someone. Taking responsibility for their actions, they will apologize. Their non-verbal communication such as body posture and facial expressions will match this as well. When this repentant stance is taken over a period of time trust will begin to build.

A repentant heart leads to rebuilding trust and reconciliation can be the end result. You don’t have any guarantees that your friend will respond to your efforts but you will never know unless you put the effort forward. When your friend knows that you mean what you say he can trust that it will be safe to get close to you and reconcile an intimate relationship.

The Greek term for reconcile is to bring back to a former state of harmony. This harmony can only be gained when there is true repentance on the offender’s part and therefore safety in the relationship.

For more help on this subject see Every Man’s Battle and The New Life Weekend.

Battle Strategies for Real Soldiers: Why Accountability Is Important

Dante Poole MA, NCC

“Without wavering, let us hold tightly to the hope we say we have, for God can be trusted to keep his promise. Think of ways to encourage one another to outbursts of love and good deeds. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage and warn each other, especially now that the day of his coming back again is drawing near.” Hebrews 10:23-25 (NLT)

Accountability. It’s one of the words that bring the same reaction as cod liver oil or enema. You know it’s good for you but it doesn’t feel good. For most men isolation is comfortable and hiding is convenient. We are so use to living in isolation and so use to hiding that the thought of letting others into our sick world causes an adverse reaction. It’s as if we were allergic to being vulnerable, having real connection and living honestly.

When we are driven by fear of exposure, we continue to assume the posture and attitude of Adam that began in the Garden of Eden’hiding and ashamed. All the while God is calling for us. Adam where are you? Why are you hiding? Because God knows the true condition of our hearts He calls us back to Himself through meaningful relationships with other believers. It is through these godly relationships that we begin to experience the love of our Heavenly Father.

God understands the importance of connection. The power and source of sustained victory lies in our willingness to connect with others in the realm of truth. Without this connection our faith in achieving long lasting victory looses its grip and we are left adrift clinging to our old sinful ways of coping with ourselves. It is a dangerous and miserable state to be left to ourselves. A reprobate mind is how the bible describes this state. After many attempts to convince us to do it His way, God allows us to experience life on our own self seeking terms. What a mess we are in when we get everything we desire!

We must make a choice to live life on God’s terms as a soldier or on our own terms as a victim. Being a soldier is much more desirable than playing the victim. There is the potential for spoils, honor, and strength for soldiers. Victims always get the short end of the stick. Playing the victim also means others become our victims and eventually casualties of war.

“One who isolates himself pursues [selfish] desires; he rebels against all sound judgment.” Proverbs 18:1 (HCSB)

A rebel dressed up in victims clothing!

Whenever we choose not to connect with others we rebel against the mandate of community. Once a choice has been made to engage in the Battle for purity as a soldier certain strategies must be utilized as a necessity for survival. One such strategy is accountability. Success in the battle requires, no demands, community. We must choose to fight and fight together!

If this battle were just about managing our sexuality then we would have found a quick easy solution by now. But there is something much more. Much greater than staying away from lustful pleasures of the flesh. There is something about this battle that calls to a place deep within us. At the very core of our being there is a desperate longing to be a man. Ever noticed how men are drawn to movies and activities that involve danger, a damsel in distress and victory to the underdog!

In every man there is a desire to shed his thin skinned boyhood in exchange for thick, leathery manhood; Unashamed and unafraid. Commingled with this desire is a plea to be in the company of other men engaged in the battle. This company provides a place for three things:

A. The challenge to become extraordinary

B. The opportunity to help create change

C. The freedom to develop real connections

This is real accountability. Not some watch dog sent to protect me from myself, but a ‘band of brothers’ who offer refuge, responsibility and respect. It is within the safety of this network that divine surgery takes place transforming wounds into testimonial weaponry.

Joshua said ‘choose you this day whom you will serve’ (Joshua 24:15). I echo his challenge to you. Choose. Either become a soldier and join an army ready to fight or die as an isolated victim. Join a band of men, soldiers even, and learn the art of war. Let them hold you responsible for carrying your load. Let them help you when the load is difficult to bear. Learn to fight in unity with others to keep from dying in isolation.

Live on fellow soldiers, live on!

For help in the battle for integrity see Every Man’s Battle.