I’ve been thinking a little bit about the core beliefs of sexually addicted men and how skewed they are. Our actions and reactions to life are predicated on our core beliefs. If they are slightly out of whack, not grounded in biblical truth or altogether false we are sure to stay stuck. Here are 3 core beliefs I think every man must acknowledge and admit in order to see his sanctification and recovery process move forward.
1 – BELIEF: Sex is vitally important to my well-being. ADMISSION: Sex is something I’ve come to value too highly and I am willing to trust God with it.
It was a huge hurdle for me to surrender sex. I’d say I trust God with my finances, my health, my business, my kids and their health, etc. etc. But trust God with my sex? Let Him be in charge of whether or not I ever have it again? Yikes. And it was a fundamental shift that was absolutely necessary for me to find freedom. The prayer went something like this: “OK God. I’ve put too much importance on sex. But I don’t want to undervalue it either! So you be the judge and you be the determining factor. If I never have sex again; I trust you. If I have frequent sex again; I trust you. As the author of the act, I trust you”.
2 – BELIEF: If anyone knows the truth about my struggle they will reject me. ADMISSION: I have to face rejection to find freedom.
I hate rejection. Even that little tinge of rejection I feel when I’m at a summer BBQ with folks I don’t really know and it seems like I’m odd man out for the conversations going on. Yuck. Hate it. That little tinge of rejection is amplified exponentially when it comes to shameful things like my sexual struggles. I was deathly afraid of being found out. Yet being found out was the best thing that ever happened to me. Freedom is found in facing your fears. Especially rejection.
3 – BELIEF: My life goes well when I’m in control. ADMISSION: I am NOT the best CEO of my life.
This has been a tough one to learn. Over and over again. And over. Again. When I think I’m the best person to be in charge of my life something inevitably and divinely happens to remind me that its a myth. When I think I’ve got it altogether I’m kidding myself. The objective truth is that I can manage some things really well. I’m gifted in areas and can steward those gifts quite well. And the objective truth is also that when I try to manage every thing in my life, I blow it up. I am not the best CEO and that is exactly why I need a savior.
I often need a reminder of this truth; so I’ve been keeping a little note on my computer. It helps me stay grounded even as I blog.
I would love to hear what you’ve had to admit to see recovery happen in your life. I’m sure there are more than these few. Please let me know in the comments section!