Men, do you want to bless your sons? Here are four essential ingredients for doing so:
1) The first is identity. Everyone wants to know who they are and whose they are. A boy looks to his father to tell him who his people are and what they believe. Tell family stories and history to your kids.
2) The second ingredient is acceptance. Let them know they belong to you and are a part of the family. It gives them a sense of value and self-worth. The son who gets this from his father knows he’s wanted, he’s valued, and that he has a positive contribution to offer the world.
3) Next comes modeling. Boys become men in the presence of men. Being male comes by birth; being a man comes through being around and doing things with you and other men. A son will learn how to manage feelings, control emotions, and respond to the challenges of life by how his dad and other significant men in his life do.
4) Fourth and finally is release. There needs to be benchmarks, rites of passage, significant events and accomplishments in a son’s life where the father recognizes and affirms that he’s becoming a man.
Dad, these four things drive away the fear of adulthood and the concern sons have of not meeting your expectations.
Many men today grew up in homes where the father was completely absent because of divorce. Many of these men judged their roles as husbands and fathers to be expendable in the pursuit of their careers and lifestyles. At some point their sons had to deal with the shocking reality that Daddy didn’t want to live with them anymore.
When fathers abandon their families, they plant seeds of discord in their sons that may unconsciously come to the surface when their sons marry. Boys usually perceive their fathers as the epitome of masculinity’even if the father has little time or concern for his sons. For this reason, sons often grow up to repeat their father’s behavior, thereby perpetuating the current crisis between fathers and sons.
In other families, fathers remained in the home physically but abandoned their sons emotionally. These men worked day and night, and played hard all weekend. Not only was the father-son relationship void of nurture, it left a negative impact on the boy, who was treated as an inconvenience or an interruption in his father’s life. Just at the time the boy needed a man to help him practice being a man, his father was off somewhere struggling with his own manhood.
Yet, God calls all men to be men. If your earthly dad was irresponsible, I encourage you to look to your heavenly Father. Read, pursue counseling, and seek friendships with good, Christian men. Irresponsible dads raise angry sons. Let’s not continue this pattern.