Playlist

This post is largely geared towards EMB alumni.

Saturday night at EMB is a special time. It’s worshipful. It’s experiential. It is typically a time to rest and just be. Attendees often say they wish we could stay in that moment longer. We as staff usually agree! It is special.

I am often asked for the playlist from that event, so I thought I would just post it. That way folks can download the songs they choose. That said, each month it changes a little bit, so depending on when you attended there may be a song or two added or deleted. I’ve included the artists with the song titles; some of them are unique and not the original artists.

Enjoy!

Eastern Hills Church / Eric Ochocki

I Surrender All

Come Ye Sinners

Jesus Paid it All

David Crowder Band

Deliver Me

Because He Lives

Never Let Go

Big Daddy Weave

Redeemed

Gungor

Beautiful Things

Jason Gray

Remind Me Who I Am

Jadon Lavik

Nothing But The Blood

Abandon

Hero

Paul Baloche

You Gave Your Life Away

Coldplay

Fix You

Shane Everett Band

Came to My Rescue

Delirious?

My Soul Sings

 Jars of Clay

The Valley Song

 

 

Recovery Manifesto

What do you want your recovery to look like in a year? What do you want your marriage to look like in a year?

If you can’t answer that question, then where do you expect either of them to end up? Not sure about your life, but in mine the best things don’t happen by accident. Good outcomes and growth aren’t my default. Quite the opposite! I frequently say that my life is like going up the down escalator; if I’m not actively pursuing who God is calling me to be, then I’m passively slipping back into who I’ve always been. That holds true personally, professionally, spiritually and maritally.

Recently, a client has been working on a recovery/marriage manifesto. His task has been to write a declaration answering the question: What do I want our lives and relationship to look like in 1 year, and how will we get there?

I just want to share an excerpt from that manifesto:

_________________________________________________________

how we’ll get there…

I don’t know all the things that will happen between now and 365 days from now. But what I do know is how we’ll accomplish the goals set out above. This manifesto will ring true if…

  • humility is the focus of approaching our marriage and our relationship
  • communication is open, honest and humble
  • we trust in God, at the deepest level we’ve ever trusted him, by praying like it all depends on him and working like it all depends on us
  • we connect in true intimacy
We’ll look back at 2013 and say with confidence that it was a hell of a year because of the hopelessness, despair, helplessness, fear, betrayal, deceit, rejection, guilt, and shame felt by us both. But it was worth it because true transformation came out of the deepest, darkest pit we were in. I want us to say that 2013 was the year that everything changed for the better.
_________________________________________________

This fires me up! Frankly, I think that fires God up too. I think he sees this, jumps out of his seat, yells “OH YEAH!” and high-fives the closest angel. In effect, this manifesto sets the stage on which God can orchestrate radical redemption and gives the curtain call for Him to get the glory for it. 2013 is the year it all changed. It’s the year God showed up. It’s the year redemption began to be real.

Will 2013 be the year everything changed for you?

There’s still time. The year’s not over.

(not so) Happy Holidays

turkey1

The holidays are upon us and for many people, they aren’t so happy. The reason is that the holidays usually mean engagement with family, which can be incredibly triggering. This can be true for both a man struggling with sexual integrity issues and also for his wife.

For men, often family-of-origin issues are at play. It can be an interaction with dad that taps a nerve. Or it could be a comment from mom that just sits awkwardly.  It could be the house or a particular room in the house that brings back old memories. Whatever the event, it can be a trigger that catches people off-guard. Without realizing it, some of the old emotions can surface and subtly lure a man back towards medicating and acting out.

Likewise for wives, family and often (especially) the in-laws can be triggering. I hear stories of wives returning from Christmas with the husband’s family bearing resentment, anger, and also insight! They sometimes see relational dynamics that shed light on their husband’s mannerisms, attitudes and behavioral patterns. In fact, I frequently hear wives say they see the kid come out. In other words, they see the origin of some of the childish behavior they witness in their adult husbands.

All that said, here’s the good news: the holidays can be an incredible time of growth! Personally, we can grow by handling family triggers better than ever before. We can do intimacy (speaking non-sexually) with our spouses unlike ever before.  We can connect with the folks walking our journey with us. We can also let the difficulties drive us deeper towards Jesus.

So, a few of suggestions for this holiday season:

  1. Practice self-awareness through journaling. For both husband and wife, it is imperative to be dialed-in to what’s happening in your heart. Finishing your day with a quick download in your journal can be enough to process some of the emotions that could lead to acting out.
  2. If you know your family situation causes strife and is potentially toxic, prep your accountability partners/support people for daily phone calls to check in. It may be a 10-minute conversation with someone in your corner that can talk you off a ledge.  It can also be a conversation like this that helps you see your family with a new level of grace.
  3. Try to remember that everyone comes to the Thanksgiving table with a story. People show up with that story playing out, and sometimes it’s messy.
  4. Remember that no matter where you are in your story, you are not disqualified from helping someone bump into Jesus.