Focus On Being

How can men begin breaking through the masculine myth of ‘you-are-what-you-do’ and see that their true identity is in Jesus Christ. Once you grasp that, you can begin relating to other people, especially other men, apart from what they do. We must open up our schedules, set aside our Day-Timers, and get to the business of allowing our identity in Christ to liberate and transform our human relationships.

A friend named Nathan meets each week with a group of four other men to do what men rarely do. They purposely avoid talking about what they do in order to talk about who they are and how they feel. They’re learning to peel away the layers of ingrained masculine facade; to give and receive the nurture, affirmation, and encouragement they desperately need but are often too ‘manly’ to seek.

Recently Nathan shared a painful issue with his friends. His father lays dying in a nursing home. He’s incapacitated. His mind is totally gone. Nathan visits him, and helps dress and care for him. What he wants more than anything is to hear these words from his father before he dies: ‘Nathan, you’re a good son.’ But he knows he never will.

Nathan’s friends let him share these painful and vulnerable feelings, and offer consolation and encouragement as he deals with his pain and loss. There aren’t many men who function together as these five do. But that can change. And perhaps you’ll be part of that change.

Steve Arterburn

More Tools In The Battle: Part 2 of 4: Encourage EACH OTHER

David S. Mackey

In review , we are working on the premise that a large part of the Battle is to leave the false intimacy of sexual acting out and pursue the true intimacy of loving God and others with our whole being. It is a pursuit of loving with our heart, soul, mind, and strength. This experienced, is True Intimacy.

Many tools/facets of True Intimacy with God and others are found in the ‘Each Other’ passages of the New Testament. ‘Each Other’ messages can help us build True Intimacy, with God and others.

Pursuing the ‘Each Other’ principles will enhance our relationship with God and others. In so doing, we will find more victory in the Battle.

We have already looked at ‘Love Each Other’ or in some translations, ‘Love One Another’. One of Jesus’ primary message was to Love Each Other in a kingdom way right now.

Loving others will be a powerful, maybe THE powerful tool, towards fighting this Battle by building True Intimacy. The ‘Each Other’ passages are actions of love, and actions of love build true intimacy. When True intimacy destroys false intimacy the Battles are WON!!!

ENCOURAGE and BUILD UP EACH OTHER

The exhortation to encourage or build up one another is mentioned a number of times in the NT. Romans 14:19, 1 Thessalonians 5:11, Hebrews 3:13 and Hebrews 10:25 tell us to build up or encourage each other. This repetition makes me think that encouragement is pretty important. Repeated 4 times, do we have to wonder why?

Think about those times in which you have been discouraged or beat down. Sometimes those times can get so dark that we don’t even want to keep going. Not necessarily thinking about actual suicide but just wanting to give up on life. When we stop trying and or stop working toward goals we of course become pretty vulnerable in the Battle. Ever been there?

Now think about those times when you have been encouraged. What kind of strength does it give you?

Encouragement heals, it does build up. It makes us stronger. Being encouraged and built up is a wonderful tool in the Battle.

But the call is not only to be encouraged; we are also invited to encourage others. You will find healing and strength if within your life focus is a habit of encouraging others. You will in turn be encouraged and built up by others in response to you being an encourager.

Encouragement is part of intimacy. Encouragement does involve looking more deeply into people and seeing the struggles of their heart, their behavioral struggles, and the situations in which others find themselves; their emotional, spiritual and relational struggles. It is in knowing another’s struggle that we can know how and when to encourage. And of course, knowing another’s struggle and addressing it through encouragement is a piece of True Intimacy. When we are discouraged, we most often want to isolate. But we need to come out–to be authentic about our discouragement so that others can see in us (In-to-me-see) and know how to encourage and build up.

How will you find encouragement? It will be difficult for others to encourage you if you are not living an authentic, open, and honest life. Our past behavior, most often, was to take our pain, our struggles, our failures, our hurts and hide them. We tried to take care of them ourselves. We pretended to others that we were ‘okay’.

If we are living lives that are authentic, if we are open about our struggles, if we are honest about our shortcomings and needs, there will be OTHERS who will encourage us, who will build us up. It is in those encouragements that we will find growth and strength. It is in encouragement that we will find healing.

Encourage others and be encouraged.

For more help on this subject, please see Every Man’s Battle.