Male friendship has been greatly distorted in our culture. As a result, many men don’t know how to be or how to make good friends. Can you relate? Sure, you may have some buddies. But I’m talking about something much deeper–I’m talking about a friend who knows you–really knows you. A friend who struggles alongside you, battles for you, and encourages you.
Consider the friendship, for example, of David and Jonathan. David was anointed King, which meant Jonathan, who was heir to the throne, would never claim his title. It would be similar to this: If your dad was the president of a huge corporation and you were serving as vice-president. But instead of taking your rightful position as president, the CEO chooses your friend instead. How could a friendship under these circumstances survive?
One reason is because both David and Jonathan counted each other better than themselves. There are few more graphic pictures of this than Jonathan’s surrender of his robe, his armor, and his position to David (1 Samuel 18:1-4). ‘You are going to be king of Israel,’ Jonathan tells David, ‘and I will be next to you’ (1 Samuel 23:17).
And even after Jonathan was slain in battle, David continued to honor Jonathan by caring for Jonathan’s son.
Do you have at least one relationship that approaches this level of love and care? It’s a costly commitment. The only thing more costly is not having such a friend.
Luke was one of the most prolific writers of the New Testament. He gave a detailed account of the life of Jesus in his Gospel and a description of the early church in the book of Acts.
Luke was also a doctor, and his writing reveals his great compassion for people. Even his efforts to write his two books were motivated by a concern to help a friend grow in faith. His concern for the spiritual health of others was matched by his concern for their physical well-being. Throughout his books he made a point to notice the physical suffering of people and the care that those people received. He recounted how Jesus and his apostles again and again brought spiritual and physical healing into hurting and broken lives. And he noticed how Jesus paid special attention to the helpless in society. Jesus made a special point of helping outcasts, prostitutes, and hated tax collectors. Luke’s compassionate heart led him to emphasize the compassion of Jesus for those rejected by society.
Luke is a man who didn’t aspire to greatness or try to grab the spotlight. His goal in life was to serve and care for others. We need men like Luke in our lives, don’t we? Perhaps even more, however, we need to learn how we can become instruments of healing in the lives of the people around us. Shed that tough exterior, friend, and share the compassion of Christ today.
A motivational speaker noted in his talk that after age forty, men typically possess no close friends. What’s a man to do? We can learn from him. When he and his fianc’e were planning their wedding, he realized he didn’t have a single male friend whom he considered close enough to be his best man.
This shocking realization brought impetus for change. He identified two men he knew that shared his faith and values. Then he prayerfully approached them regarding the possibility of exploring and developing long-term friendships. They both responded positively, and they’ve continued a deep, trusting relationship for several decades. From those relationships came the insights for a book, The Company You Keep: The Transforming Power of Male Friendship, written by David Bentall It’s a great resource for men on the subject of friendship.
Every man without at least one close friend is missing three important things: (1) someone to walk with despite failures, (2) someone to explore a vision for life with, and (3) someone to face the darkness of our world with.
If you’re looking for reasons to seek and build friendships with other men, these are as good as any.