More Tools In The Battle: Part 2 of 4: Encourage EACH OTHER

David S. Mackey

In review , we are working on the premise that a large part of the Battle is to leave the false intimacy of sexual acting out and pursue the true intimacy of loving God and others with our whole being. It is a pursuit of loving with our heart, soul, mind, and strength. This experienced, is True Intimacy.

Many tools/facets of True Intimacy with God and others are found in the ‘Each Other’ passages of the New Testament. ‘Each Other’ messages can help us build True Intimacy, with God and others.

Pursuing the ‘Each Other’ principles will enhance our relationship with God and others. In so doing, we will find more victory in the Battle.

We have already looked at ‘Love Each Other’ or in some translations, ‘Love One Another’. One of Jesus’ primary message was to Love Each Other in a kingdom way right now.

Loving others will be a powerful, maybe THE powerful tool, towards fighting this Battle by building True Intimacy. The ‘Each Other’ passages are actions of love, and actions of love build true intimacy. When True intimacy destroys false intimacy the Battles are WON!!!

ENCOURAGE and BUILD UP EACH OTHER

The exhortation to encourage or build up one another is mentioned a number of times in the NT. Romans 14:19, 1 Thessalonians 5:11, Hebrews 3:13 and Hebrews 10:25 tell us to build up or encourage each other. This repetition makes me think that encouragement is pretty important. Repeated 4 times, do we have to wonder why?

Think about those times in which you have been discouraged or beat down. Sometimes those times can get so dark that we don’t even want to keep going. Not necessarily thinking about actual suicide but just wanting to give up on life. When we stop trying and or stop working toward goals we of course become pretty vulnerable in the Battle. Ever been there?

Now think about those times when you have been encouraged. What kind of strength does it give you?

Encouragement heals, it does build up. It makes us stronger. Being encouraged and built up is a wonderful tool in the Battle.

But the call is not only to be encouraged; we are also invited to encourage others. You will find healing and strength if within your life focus is a habit of encouraging others. You will in turn be encouraged and built up by others in response to you being an encourager.

Encouragement is part of intimacy. Encouragement does involve looking more deeply into people and seeing the struggles of their heart, their behavioral struggles, and the situations in which others find themselves; their emotional, spiritual and relational struggles. It is in knowing another’s struggle that we can know how and when to encourage. And of course, knowing another’s struggle and addressing it through encouragement is a piece of True Intimacy. When we are discouraged, we most often want to isolate. But we need to come out–to be authentic about our discouragement so that others can see in us (In-to-me-see) and know how to encourage and build up.

How will you find encouragement? It will be difficult for others to encourage you if you are not living an authentic, open, and honest life. Our past behavior, most often, was to take our pain, our struggles, our failures, our hurts and hide them. We tried to take care of them ourselves. We pretended to others that we were ‘okay’.

If we are living lives that are authentic, if we are open about our struggles, if we are honest about our shortcomings and needs, there will be OTHERS who will encourage us, who will build us up. It is in those encouragements that we will find growth and strength. It is in encouragement that we will find healing.

Encourage others and be encouraged.

For more help on this subject, please see Every Man’s Battle.

Rebuilding Trust in Friendships

Clint Thomas

Friendships can be an incredible source of stability, encouragement and strength. God said in Genesis 2:18, ‘It is not good for man to be alone,’ thus the friendship between Adam and Eve began. Also in Hebrews 10:24-25 we are exhorted to, ‘spur one another on toward love and good deeds as well as maintain meeting together for the purposes of encouragement.” In other passages (Eph. 4, 1 Cor. 12, Rom. 12) Paul talks of Christians working together as a body in interdependence. All throughout scripture we see examples of the importance of friendships.

A good friendship requires maintenance and care, time and attention. Something we guys don’t think much about this part of friendship, expecting that it won’t require any effort. In effect we sometimes treat friendships as if they have very little value. In large part we have not been taught how to maintain or value these relationships. An unfortunate fact about our culture today is that most men have very few friends compared to women. As a result this has negative effects on our emotional and physical health.

Friendships are primarily about intimacy; knowing another person and being known. The phrases ‘see into me’ or ‘into me see’ describe it well.

Maintenance within a friendship is allowing yourself to be fully known and showing interest in knowing the other person. When this happens a deep connection can be experienced. However, what happens when we are caught up in sin that we are ashamed to share with our friends? Can we be intimate and hide simultaneously?

This is the ultimate struggle in friendships and marriage for that matter; allowing our sin to be known as well as our positive qualities. I hear from wives who are broken by their husband’s sexual sin say, ‘I thought I knew him but I guess I didn’t. I feel so hurt, I don’t know if I can ever trust him again’.

They feel betrayed, foolish and vulnerable. While wives are our closest friends, our other friends will sometimes feel similar.

Friendships are like taking a walk with someone. The further you travel the closer you become. However, at the point you begin to lie, or deceive, you are no longer walking with that person even though they think you are. You have chosen a separate fork in the road.

Rebuilding the friendship is much like walking back to the fork in the road where you separated from your friend and starting from that point forward. Your friend will know that you are trustworthy by your willingness to do this without defensiveness. They will see they are important to you by your willingness to put this kind of effort forward to restore trust with them.

A trustworthy person will have words and deeds that match. What they say and what they do will be the same. They will also acknowledge when they have hurt someone. Taking responsibility for their actions, they will apologize. Their non-verbal communication such as body posture and facial expressions will match this as well. When this repentant stance is taken over a period of time trust will begin to build.

A repentant heart leads to rebuilding trust and reconciliation can be the end result. You don’t have any guarantees that your friend will respond to your efforts but you will never know unless you put the effort forward. When your friend knows that you mean what you say he can trust that it will be safe to get close to you and reconcile an intimate relationship.

The Greek term for reconcile is to bring back to a former state of harmony. This harmony can only be gained when there is true repentance on the offender’s part and therefore safety in the relationship.

For more help on this subject see Every Man’s Battle and The New Life Weekend.