Spiritual Warfare and Recovery

Craig L. Boden

Congratulations on your progress in the recovery from Sexual Addiction. Allow me to remind you of the management tools you received at the Every Man’s Battleworkshop. These tools work when we apply them. You might want to take the opportunity to review those tools of management care.

If you are a Christian, you have been enlisted in the Lord’s army, and as with all good soldiers the training in boot camp applies throughout the career of the soldier. He must be equipped and ready for battle. His equipment must be clean and in working order. He must care for himself and be fit for battle. Do not loose sight of the fact that you, as a believer, have been enlisted into an army. As Paul called Timothy, so we too are called to’

‘Suffer hardship with me, as a good soldier of Christ Jesus” II Timothy 2:3

We are all aware of how difficult the war on terrorism is to fight when we don’t know who the enemy is, what they look like, or where they will fight. Yet we hear the news and see casualties daily. It becomes discouraging when the news reports more casualties among our forces and civilians than we hear about enemy casualties. It causes us to wonder ‘Are we winning? Can we win?’ The answer is a resounding ‘YES!’ Do not be discouraged, be ready to fight!

The analogy is all too clear when we look at our recovery process. Let’s look at Ephesians 6:10 ‘ 13

‘Finally, be strong in the Lord, and in the strength of His might. Put on the full armor of God, that you may be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the full armor of God, that you may be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm.’

Attending an EMB is like basic training without the exercise and getting yelled at! Recovery is partly your advanced training and direct warfare. Every good soldier must continue to train and learn strategies for war. Then there are the times when we have been called to the front of battle. This term is confusing because this is not conventional warfare. There is no front. Today being on the front is equivalent to a terrorist picking off his targets much like a sniper or carefully placed land mines along the roadside. Unfortunately the front can also be sitting in your office and a jet plane crashing into your building.

Men, we are at war, physically and spiritually.

It is so easy to become discouraged when it seems we are bombarded at every turn with temptation. The temptation is not sin. We fall when we turn to the temptation rather than to God. We question why did I get blind sided? How could I have let this happen again? Why do I struggle so much? And why is this desire so intense? When will it stop? When can I move to the rear and be safe of the temptation? In my great-great grandfather’s memoirs from the Civil War, at one point when the battle was very intense and he did not think he would make it, he told his ‘body guard’ to move to the rear. A while later he looked over his shoulder to discover his ‘body guard’ (actually his slave and friend) crouching behind him. I told you to move to the rear. He replied, ‘But Capt’n ther ain’t no rear!’ Sometimes I feel the same way when it comes to Satan’s attacks. It appears the rear, where we are apt to lay down our weapons for a rest, is when we step on the land mine or receive incoming sniper fire.

Perhaps it is in the times of lax or perhaps over confidence when we feel safe, that we are most vulnerable to the enemy.

I think of the conversation between Jesus and Peter in Luke 22. After receiving the Passover Meal with Jesus a discussion, actually an argument, breaks forth between the disciples about who will be the greatest. Jesus explained to them, and us, that being the greatest means being a servant to all. Then He turns to Simon (Peter).

‘Simon, Simon, behold, Satan has demanded to sift you like wheat; but I have prayed for you, that your faith may not fail, and you, when once you have turned again, strengthen your brothers.’

Satan set his sights on Peter. He wanted him in the worst way. He wanted to destroy him and could have done it. But Jesus interceded on Peter’s behalf. Satan was limited in what he could do. The same is true for you. Satan is a powerful foe. Do not loose sight of the enemy’s strength. But he is limited in the use of power.

Remember the story about Job?

‘Then the Lord said to Satan, ‘Behold, all that he has is in your power, only do not put forth your hand on him.’ (Job 1:12).

Satan was limited to what he could do with Job. In his frustration he again appealed to God to touch his bone and flesh, believing then Job would turn from God.

‘So the Lord said to Satan, ‘Behold, he is in your power, only spare his life (Job 2:6).

Satan had to ask permission to use his power on God’s chosen one. God, in His Sovereignty, allowed Job to be tempted to turn away from Him. He allowed his suffering. He allowed a battle that was raging in a different realm, invisible, and inaudible to Job or any other human, to pierce the realm below afflicting its devastating blows with exact precision, without any more warning than the people in the Twin Towers in NY City had September 11, 2001.

We hear the phrase, ‘War is hell,’ in this context it is not slang nor intended to be base, but graphically accurate. Spiritual War is from the pit of hell with all of Satan’s forces aimed at derailing us from faithfulness to God our Father. Satan’s forces may be ancient but are on the cutting edge of our best technology. He obviously is a master strategist in war. He knows how to use smart bombs. We are struck down without even knowing we were in danger. He is a master of cyber space and afflicts us with the click of a mouse. He is a master of infiltrating our ranks and comes between us and the ones we love the most. We become perplexed when we begin to believe our wives and children are the enemy. They are not. But they can be victims of the enemy’so can we. Satan can cause us to feel persecuted while in recovery. While doing the right thing now, our past acting out may still have left open emotional and relational wounds.

Men, take courage. There is good news. No, the war is not over, but it has been won. Jesus has not only seen the end from the beginning. He is the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End. Satan has been defeated yet his forces still skirmish. You and I are their desired target. No, the encouragement comes from Paul to the Corinthian Soldiers (Christians). II Corinthians 4:7-11,

‘But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the surpassing greatness of the power may be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. For we who live are constantly being delivered over to death for Jesus sake, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh.’

Men take courage. Do not be surprised by the ‘fiery ordeal’ as Peter calls it in I Peter 4:12. Do not think you can win the battle of temptation on your own. You are a band of brothers. Get a ‘buddy,’ an accountability partner if you do not have one. Remember even your best strategy can be under minded by the enemy. Work the management plan. If Satan can just keep us isolated in shame we will meet defeat. Talk to others about the struggle, the temptations, and defuse Satan’s booby traps.

Be prepared for an assault at all times. Greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world. (I John 4:4).

For more help in the battle for purity see Every Man’s Battle.

What Am I Recovering To?

Jayson Graves

Have you ever wondered, ‘Okay God, I know what I’m recovering from, here’but what am I recovering to?’ Ever felt like, in a sense, recovery needs you more than you need recovery (in such a formal, programmatic way)? Well, if so, I say ‘HALLELUJAH!’ The truth is, you are pondering one of the most important yet overlooked aspects of recovery: Vision!

I want to give you a way of thinking about Vision that will pull your recovery from sexual addictions into the future. My heart is to share a few ideas about areas where you can pay attention and with following-through, enrich the process of recovery with greater meaning, radical redemption, and down-right Kingdom authority. I also want to warn you about some common challenges to Vision to help you anticipate how the enemy will try to take you off your God-ordained course.

The bible is clear: ‘Without a Vision, people will perish!’ God wants us to be forward thinkers as a body and as individuals. He has given us each dreams, gifts, talents and passions and He expects a return on His heavenly investment, yes? Well, why is it that so many of us in recovery can’t see past the edge of our 12 step workbooks? The bottom line is it’s not that we can’t’we often just don’t or simply won’t. But that can change and is changing for many. In fact, men all over the world who are getting ‘sexually saved’ are partnering with God to minister redemption in three key areas: Family, Community, and Culture.

Let’s talk about several ways Family Vision can take place. Maybe you have a wife that needs a recovery process of her own. She needs you to work hard on your own stuff first, but eventually, as a result, will be more likely to respond when invited to look at her own issues. (INVITED, being the key word, here fellas!) Perhaps you have kids’they need their father’s shepherding around their sexuality more than any other time. How about other family or extended kinship? Couldn’t they benefit from your openness regarding the process and victory you’re experiencing? You better believe it!

I have a client in Tennessee who shared openly with his family about his past struggle, recovery program, and healing’as a result, his adult children have entered their own healing partnerships with the Lord and a recovery community of their own. In fact, his daughter wrote a compelling story of faith, openness, and purity featuring her dad’s ability to say no to a bunch of peers who wanted him to join them in a visit to a strip club while visiting Las Vegas! Talk about inspiring. Do you think he sleeps easier at night knowing how he’s overcome the enemy’s lies of condemnation and disqualification? I know I do!

What about our Community Vision? How many times have you recognized an individual you work, attend church with, or live near may be struggling? Will you allow God to minister through you to those co-workers, fellow congregants, and neighbors? I know one guy in Reno who was gifted athletically and also suffered from Juvenile Diabetes. When he found out a local girl had the same condition and couldn’t afford treatment, he used his extra time, talent, and treasure (which used to be wasted acting-out) to swim across the frigid waters of Lake Tahoe. He raised thousands for her care in the process. Can anybody get excited about that kind of self-sacrifice? It blows me away!

And then there is Vision regarding Culture. Needless to ask, but can you see where the problem of sexual sin has caused erosion and destitution? My partner on The Blazing Grace Show, Mike Genung sure has’he’s on a mission to put billboards reaching out to the sexually broken in all major cities across the land! Then there’s my client in Ohio who writes and does web-development and served his local sexual integrity ministry by building a much-needed website. Do you get the sense that these guys get excitement and fulfillment form these involvements? Trust me, they’re alive and plugged-in to the Vision they asked the Lord to share with them!

I meet with a Vision and Leadership group for an hour every other week and we discuss these things, challenge one another and take risks. We also anticipate the things that would want to prevent a redemptive partnership with Christ: selfishness, laziness, lack of commitment to our own recovery, being ‘driven’ rather than ‘called,’ pride, arrogance. Listen, these will kill you and steal your dreams so look at them, men! Lay them at the cross, pick up your sword and let’s take back the land!

What are your ideas? I mean, I’m not saying you have to go out and save the world tomorrow’focus on getting better, by all means. But don’t neglect the mandate being given here: ‘seek the Lord while He may be found,’ find out what He means when He says ‘I have plans to prosper you’to give you a hope and a future,’ and ‘they that wait upon the Lord will renew their strength.’

Ask Him to begin showing you your unique, custom-tailored Vision of redemption and then slowly move into that Vision, one step at a time.

Need some help finding vision and fighting the battle for purity? See Every Man’s Battle.

Getting Confession Right The First Time

Edward J. Grant

It had been years since Sally felt the gut-wrenching, searing pain of betrayal that left her world shattered in countless broken pieces. ‘This can’t be happening all over again,’ she thought, ‘not after all we’ve been through.’ What should she do? Where should she go with the holidays around the corner? Was her marriage over and should she demand her husband leave the home immediately? How could she be so stupid to ever have trusted him again? She was in shock, not unlike the shock that accompanies the death of a loved one. Her feelings would surely intensify in the coming days and weeks as the reality of her husband’s treachery settled in.

It began with the discovery of a pornographic web site on the computer. She knew that none of her three children had visited it and prayed that they hadn’t found the graphic pictures. That discovery, painful enough in its own right, was just the beginning. He confessed that hadn’t been honest with her when he first confessed seven years ago, admitting to using only four or five prostitutes during their marriage. There had been many, many more, ‘countless’ in his words. Then she was willing to attempt to salvage their marriage. Since that time they had both worked hard to rebuild, spending thousands of dollars in the process. They attended weekly support group meetings, marriage counseling, cried tears by the bucketful, and endured the interminable tug-of-war between hope and hopelessness. She began to see relational change over the years as both took the first fearful, faltering steps towards genuine intimacy, eventually renewing their wedding vows when she came to trust him once more. Now she learned that he had never been sober; he had lied to everyone. He had indulged in a number of affairs and never ceased frequenting prostitutes.

Having recounted some of the moral and spiritual failures of Israel to the troubled congregation at Corinth St. Paul wrote, ’11These things happened to them as examples and were written down as warnings for us, on whom the fulfillment of the ages has come. 12So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! 13No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.’

As we reflect on one woman’s devastating experience caused by her husband’s sin let us consider several fatal flaws that contributed to his failure.

1. Confession needs to be complete. Whenever we try to do damage control by holding back important facts about our behaviors – often under the guise of ‘sparing her further pain’ – we are left with the relentless question: ‘If I had told her everything would she have stayed with me?’ Shame attends our incomplete confession and becomes the favorite target at which Satan hurls his accusations. King David was no stranger to the attempt to cover his sins instead of confessing them. He writes in Psalm 32, ‘3When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. 4For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer.’ Confession brought relief and healing in his heart and in his relationship with God: ‘5Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD”– and you forgave the guilt of my sin.

2. Shame causes the intense pain that propels the addict into the predictable cycle of addiction. When some painful event in life accesses the well of shame hidden in the wounded heart the addict resorts to the familiar cycle of pre-occupation, ritual, and acting out, culminating with despair. The goal of acting out is a journey to the land of numb: no feeling is better than emotional pain. Loved ones are all too familiar with the emotional distance acting out causes between them and the addict.

3. Forgiveness comes from confessing our sins to God, but healing comes from confessing our sins to one another. James writes, ’16Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.’ The healing God intends comes from caring relationships with fellow pilgrims wherein the lies we believe about ourselves can be dispelled. The four core beliefs of the addict are:
1. I am a bad and worthless person.
2. If you really knew me, you wouldn’t love me
(ergo no one gets to know the real me).
3. Sex is my greatest need.
4. Only I can meet my needs.
As fellow strugglers share their failures, pain and encouragements with each other the truth of divine, unconditional love begins to sink in.

4. Radical commitment to honesty. Unless a person is willing to commit to honesty regardless of the consequences, true change and healing is not possible. Jesus said, ‘You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.’ Walking in and living by God’s truth frees us from the weight of guilt, the arrows of shame and the accusations of Satan. Living by the truth is scary when you are accustomed to living a lie, but it is the only path on which we can find fellowship with God and the freedom He has promised.

Men struggling with sexual integrity, please see Every Man’s Battle.
If you are married to a man struggling with sexual integrity, please join us for our Every Heart Restored program at our next New Life Weekend.