Real Men Are Sexual Dynamos

Stephen Arterburn

Subject:  Dynamos                                                       7/16/06 #1 

The myth that real men are sexual dynamos is widely accepted, and gets strong support in the media—particularly television and film. The man on the screen who’s perceived as truly manly is ready at the slightest sign of female interest, and the encounter is always a smashing success.

 

Guys, the media’s depiction of sex comes straight out of Fantasyland. In the real world, a man’s readiness for intimacy with his wife can be dampened by a number of factors: illness, a bad day at work, a good football game on TV, or a large number of other things. The man who compares his real life situation with the dynamos on TV may be tempted to panic and wonder if something might be wrong with him.

 

The myth of the perpetually ready, willing, and able male promotes deep feelings of inadequacy in many men. And when they feel inadequate and out of control in this area, the temptation to become angry is never far. In fact, some of the most violent men psychologists counsel are those who suffer from some form or another of sexual impairment.

 For the vast majority of men these fears and frustrations are unfounded. In other words, relax! The more confidence and inhibition you have in this area of your marital relationship, the more you’ll see through popular mythologies. And the better you feel about yourself the less anger and frustration you’ll experience as a result.

Focus On Being

How can men begin breaking through the masculine myth of ‘you-are-what-you-do’ and see that their true identity is in Jesus Christ. Once you grasp that, you can begin relating to other people, especially other men, apart from what they do. We must open up our schedules, set aside our Day-Timers, and get to the business of allowing our identity in Christ to liberate and transform our human relationships.

A friend named Nathan meets each week with a group of four other men to do what men rarely do. They purposely avoid talking about what they do in order to talk about who they are and how they feel. They’re learning to peel away the layers of ingrained masculine facade; to give and receive the nurture, affirmation, and encouragement they desperately need but are often too ‘manly’ to seek.

Recently Nathan shared a painful issue with his friends. His father lays dying in a nursing home. He’s incapacitated. His mind is totally gone. Nathan visits him, and helps dress and care for him. What he wants more than anything is to hear these words from his father before he dies: ‘Nathan, you’re a good son.’ But he knows he never will.

Nathan’s friends let him share these painful and vulnerable feelings, and offer consolation and encouragement as he deals with his pain and loss. There aren’t many men who function together as these five do. But that can change. And perhaps you’ll be part of that change.

Steve Arterburn

The Perfect-Mate Myth

Stephen Arterburn

Gentlemen, North American culture wields a tremendous influence upon Christians’ values in many areas. One in particular is the area of relationships where many of us have fallen for what I call the ‘Perfect-Mate Myth.’ This myth applies to single and married men, and goes something like this: ‘If I just had the right woman, my life would be all right.’

Let me be blunt: this belief is incredibly ignorant. First, because it assumes that our problems are all external’that our real problem is an imperfect spouse or the lack thereof. Second, because it assumes that there’s such a thing as a ‘perfect’ spouse.

This delusion keeps us from spiritual maturity. It prevents married men from doing the hard work and making the commitment necessary to build and repair their relationship with their wives, and it tempts single men to put their lives on hold until that ‘perfect’ woman appears.

Men, the perfect mate myth is an unhealthy fantasy. Focus your attention on your relationship with God. He wants a married man’s attitude to be, ‘I’m in this for the long haul. I’m going to dedicate myself to and work at making this marriage last.’ This is how an active and true faith comes alive in a marriage.

Similarly, God wants the attitude of every single Christian man to be, ‘God, I’m yours, with or without a spouse, and I will focus my attention on my relationship with you.”

Whatever your situation, God is sufficient to meet your needs.