Addiction Whac-a-mole

http://www.bhmvending.com/Amusements/Bob%27s%20Space%20Racer/bob%27sspaceracer_whacamole.jpgDo you remember the old ‘whac-a-mole’ arcade games. I don’t know if they are around anymore. It was a frustrating game. You never knew where the next mole would pop up. By the time you could swat one with the big, foam mallet the next one would jolt out on the other side. When one went away another would show up and along the way you would see each one more than once.

So it can be with addictions.

It is very common for someone to get help with one addiction, only to see another one pop up. Sometimes the original one resurfaces again too. I regularly hear people struggling with sexual addiction say they’ve found freedom from drugs and alcohol, but can’t seem to beat this one. The truth is they’ve found a way to switch addictions; they haven’t found freedom. When one unhealthy way of medicating and coping with life is averted a new one pops up. Drugs give way to alcohol. Alcohol gives way to coffee and cigarettes. Sex gives way to food. Food gives way to gym-aholism.  You get the picture. It even happens within sex addiction itself. A guy will give up acting out with prostitutes but will begin going to strip clubs. He’ll give up porn but trade it for sex with his wife. Then she becomes his mistress. He might give up pornographic movies but take up sexual chatrooms. Unfortunately, when we ping-pong through addictions we never actually get the healing we need and long for.

If you find yourself playing addiction whac-a-mole it’s time for real help. It is time to dig in and figure out what you’re running from, why you cope in these ways and what you’re really searching for. It may be time to take more action than just slapping an internet filter on your computer. You may need to plug in with a counselor specialized in dealing with sexual addiction. It might be time to attend the EMB workshop. Maybe you need to confess your addictions to your spouse. Or to Jesus.

Take a step in the right direction today. Walk away from the game. Get out of the arcade.

 

 

The Blame Game

Many men struggling with sexual integrity issues are well practiced in the blame game. I know I was good at it during my addiction and, unfortunately, sometimes still struggle with playing it. It’s so easy! We simply pawn off our responsibility and make someone or something else the culprit. In my addiction I blamed my wife for my indiscretions. As if somehow more sexual intimacy with my wife would change my acting out. Ha! Not a chance. I blamed a mistress for hitting on me. Her fault, not mine. I blamed traveling for work for my duplicity. The internet for my porn addiction. Our hyper-sexualized culture for my sexualized emotions. The devil made me do it. My dog ate my homework too.

Did you know nothing will change until we take responsibility for our actions?

The reality is that for anything to be different, for our marriages to be restored, for our addictions to be healed, for our faith to grow, for our sanctification to continue we have to be the person to point to. We must stand in front of the mirror and accept that the man we see is the only person on the planet who has the power to change us. Then we must accept that without relying on God not much will ultimately change. Take responsibility then lean on God; it’s a pretty good formula.

So, I hope you’ll stop the blame game. Let people off the hook and decide it starts with you. Today.

 

 

Delete is Incomplete

I just came across this news article about digital detectives and thought of the repercussions for people struggling with sexual integrity issues. The reality is what we do on our computers and phones is logged, archived, and retrievable, regardless whether we think we deleted it or not.

Did you know chat history can be recovered with a couple simple steps and the right tools?

Did you know all the porn sites you’ve visited, along with every picture you downloaded (and in what order you downloaded them) can be recalled?

Did you know that forensic experts can actually log every single keystroke on your computer? That means they can see every Facebook profile you clicked, every craigslist ad you perused and every Google image thumbnail you enlarged.

A quick reminder that delete is incomplete. May we live our online lives above reproach, such that if someone were to review our every keystroke and entire history, they would see God honored.

You can read the article by clicking HERE.