Instincts

Another devotional thought –

Jude 1:10

But these people sneer at anything they can’t understand, and by doing whatever they feel like doing—living by animal instinct only—they participate in their own destruction.

Some things we instinctively understand can be very dangerous if misused. It is easy to write-off something that is instinctual because it seems so natural, so simple, so expected. But, in order to live well and honor God, we have to learn to contain those instinctual impulses and let them guide us accordingly.

Consider food; eating is instinctual isn’t it? We all know the dangers of overeating or eating really poorly though; diabetes, stroke, heart attack, etc.
Let’s take sex; seems pretty instinctual too, right? If we’re honest, some of us have misused our sexuality too. We’ve engaged in acts we swore we would never commit, with people we never imagined, at times and places we would otherwise never visit.

Too often I hear men express their “high sex drive” as the reason they act out sexually with pornography, masturbation and even affairs. “It’s natural for me to want to have sex” they say. Then, when coached or guided on containing those instinctual impulses and delaying sexual gratification, they get defensive, argumentative and angry. In other words, they sneer at the advice.

Perhaps Jude was speaking to us when this scripture written, encouraging us to look deeper than our animal instincts.

Might our lives be different, and our relationship with God be different, if we tried to acknowledge our natural instinctual impulses as both physical and spiritual?

If we’ll allow it, our natural instincts can lead us in 2 ways; 1) to act in a physical way and 2) to act in a spiritual way.

The urge to eat can prompt us to find food for nourishment of our bodies. It can also be a prompt for us to seek spiritual nourishment too. That’s partly why we see fasting can be such a spiritual experience. The same can be true of sex. Sexual desire can be a prompt to engage intimately with another human, and by the same token, perhaps it can signal our need to engage intimately with our Creator.

What if sexual temptation and lustful thoughts are actually a cue to connect with God rather than just an opportunity to sin. We get to decide what it will be for each of us today.

How I Handle Temptation

I was tempted to look at porn this morning.

As part of my job, I regularly read articles about sexual integrity issues and how culture is influencing our sexuality. Every so often I get slimed by an article that takes WAY too much liberty in what it shows in the form of video clips and pictures. By “slimed”, I mean blasted with pornographic material I did not ask for. They could prove their point with substantially less footage. That happened this morning.

An article I clicked on had a tantalizing video that I was tempted to click on. I did not click it. I hovered the mouse button over it for a second or two, but ultimately chose a different route.  I thought it might be helpful for some guys to know what that process of choosing a different route looked like. At least, looked like this time. Its certainly not the same every time. Here’s how it went…

1 – Recognize How I Rationalize (rationalize = Rational Lies): these are the reasons I come up with to justify my sin. It sounds like this in my head – “this video isn’t that bad, its right on the line”, “its part of my job, I have to see this stuff”, “nobody will know, so no big deal”.

2 – Refute the Rational Lies – this is talking myself through the truth and grounding myself in reality – “everyone who matters will eventually know; the truth always comes out”, “you will literally lose everything that is meaningful in your life over 1 click and a stupid video”, “ this is meaningless and completely unsatisfying and you’re only going to compound the already crappy feelings you’re experiencing”.

3 – Physical Move – I had to push back away from my desk, away from my computer. I needed a physical change of posture to reorient myself. It is almost symbolic; a literal backing away translates to a mental and emotional backing away.

4 – Diagnostics – Taking a few minutes to diagnose what I am feeling and why. This morning I felt disappointment due to the fact that all 3 of my kids are sick, and someone in our house has been sick since Christmas. It has been very difficult. I also felt misunderstood this morning, based on conversations Shelley and I had over the weekend.

I also had to assess which of the 3 I’s (Insignificance, Incompetence, Impotence) may have been tapped. This morning it was Impotence – meaning, powerlessness. I feel completely powerless over my kids’ health and over my wife’s stress.  I also felt helpless to get a break; people are counting on me as a counselor today and I can’t just cancel my day and go into hiding.

 5 – Do Something Meaningful – it helped me to switch gears and actually do something meaningful. That happened to be responding to an email from someone looking for help. I believe one of the key reasons guys get trapped in things like pornography is they don’t know what they’re living for.  If we don’t have something to wake up for, we’ll medicate having to wake up for nothing.

6 – Connect – As much as I wanted to isolate and pretend the temptation, the close call, and the small victory never happened, it did. And someone needs to know. They need to know I’m struggling, and be present with me in that pain and those triggers. They also need to about that immediate victory, to celebrate with me and encourage me. We preach this all the time at the Every Mans Battle Workshops; connection, accountability and relationship. So, I texted a few guys; they responded within minutes with prayer, encouragement and a reminder that I’m loved. It’s a sweet thing to give Jesus a chance to show up through people. Maybe if he wanted to be the only one through whom God’s mercy flowed, he would’ve stuck around a little longer, rather than delegating to the disciples.

7 – Stay in the Fight – meaning that temptation didn’t come, then go, and now its all good times and happy. It stuck with me through the day. I had to stay in the fight, deal with my emotions in healthy ways, stay connected with people, remain present in my life, and keep my guard up. Temptation is rarely one and done.

Follow Up to the Wake post

After posting the video about Grieving and Hitting the Wake of our addictions, a few questions popped up. I wanted to answer those in a quick post.

Q– why is the propeller red?

A – because I accidentally hit a button on the screen-capture software and rather than worry about it I just rolled with it.

Q – what do you mean by “don’t let off the gas”? What does that look like tactically?

A – If you’ve attended the Every Mans Battle workshop it means working your battle plan. That especially includes the daily activities, but the monthly and weekly as well are important. You are literally in the process of rewiring your brain for recovery and healthy living. That takes intentionality, just like wiring it up for dysfunction took intentionality.

If you haven’t attended the workshop, then it means developing a plan. What are the key things you know you need to do, everyday, to start creating healthy habits? How do you need to engage God everyday to deepen your relationship and cultivate your sensitivity to the Spirit? Who should you meet with every week and what should you talk about that will lead to creating a culture of honesty?

Here are three things I urge you to make a part of your daily recovery rituals:

1 – recommitment prayer – come up with a simply prayer that will help you align your heart with God, invite Him into your day, and remind you what trajectory you’re on.

2 – connection – talk with an accountability connection everyday. Talk. Not just text. Not email. Not smoke-signal. Not Morse Code. Not Navajo Code. Actually have a conversation with them about where your heart and mind are, and how you’ve experienced any temptation. This may be the most difficult thing in the entire plan.

3 – read recovery literature – read things that are going to help you understand yourself, God and others better. No, the Bible doesn’t count as recovery literature. This is in addition to being the word. There are a TON of great books out there. Have something on hand to pick up and read even a page every day.

Q – Why would I grieve losing something that has been so hurtful and damaging?

A – our addictions/mistresses/compulsions are, in a sense, like a really bad “good-ole-friend”. They offered us comfort, nurturing, escape, excitement, adventure, peace, thrill, acceptance and so on; we’ll miss that. Unhealthy and dysfunctional as it may be, we’ll miss it. Further, all those things we found in unhealthy ways are things that God (I believe) wants to offer us. Problem is, it won’t happen overnight, and those things aren’t shipped next-day. It’s going to take a while to cultivate the relationships with God and others where those things will be found. In the meantime, that old friend can look appealing again.

If you have other questions please post them in the comments. I’ll do my best to answer them!