Understanding Your Wife’s Heart: Part 6

New Life Ministries

Your wife can be your ‘comrade in arms’ if she understands the battle for sexual purity and the road you have chosen for sexual integrity. Because male sexual impurity can be unsettling, even shocking, to women, we’ve included this section of interviews with women regarding Every Man’s Battle to give you awareness of how to relate better to your wife and communicate with her in your struggle to be and stay free. Be aware there’s a natural tug-of-war in the hearts of women between pity and disgust, between mercy and judgment.

The Wife’s Role of Cherishing

Cherishing appears in many ways.
One of the simplest we heard was from Frances, who said, ‘I’m always thrilled to see my hubby, even when he’s far across the church.’

Deena said, ‘I’m trying very hard to speak only good things of him and to build him up. I’m trying not to cut him down even when joking, being sure to consider his feelings as much as my own these days.’

Brenda said, ‘Cherishing often manifests itself in simple, daily things more than big romantic things. Things like doing my jobs at home and cutting finances when necessary. It should also show in my obvious desire to be with Fred all the time.’

These daily acts create feelings of cherishing and tenderness, but comparison can tear out a man’s heart. Guys compare the neighborhoods they live in, the cars they drive, the people they socialize with, and the families they come from. Many men struggle with this to some degree, but most will never reveal this side of themselves to their wives, even when asked. They feel trapped by their fate.

It isn’t what part of town we live in that decides our fate in the end. Generally, that’s something we can’t control. What we can control is how much hope we give to our spouse. What a husband needs is someone to look deeply into his eyes to remind him that his wife loves him and God loves him.

When Ellen told her husband that she is content to live on the income he has provided without complaint or comparison, he was fulfilled. To Ellen, that essence is priceless. ‘My goal in life, next to loving and obeying God, has been to love and learn about my husband and to help him be fulfilled and to enjoy living life together.’

If Brenda compared Fred to some of her high-school peers, she would find that he’s doing quite well. If she financially compared him to the folks at church, she would probably find her family somewhere in the middle. If she compared him to his Stanford peers, he’d probably rank as a scraggly, underachieving dog. But that’s how comparison works. It’s relative and, therefore, unreliable.

Who cares anyway? ‘The essential thing I owe Fred is faithfulness and trustworthiness,’ she said. ‘No one else in his life has proven completely true in these areas. I’m absolutely committed that although we may differ sometimes, I’ll always be faithful to him. I will stay his one and only.’

Brenda respects what she’s found and treats the weak spots tenderly. When she’s cherishing him like this, it becomes easy for Fred to cherish her in return.

After attending Every Man’s Battle, we strongly encourage you to attend our marriage program at our New Life Weekend
This weekend will help your marriage to heal from the wounds of
impurity and will especially help your wife with questions that she
still may have.


Getting to the Other Side

New Life Ministries

While there may not be spiritual oppression involved in your battle, there’ll always be spiritual opposition. The enemy is constantly near your ear. He doesn’t want you to win this fight, and he knows the lies that so often break men’s confidence and their will to win. Expect to hear lies and plenty of them.
What we’ve told you is the truth There is peace and tranquility for you on the other side of this war. There is immeasurable spiritual gain. The deceiver will tell you that we are crazy and that you’ll soon be as crazy as we are if you follow our ideas.

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The challenge every man faces’
The fight every man can win!

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To help you recognize Satan’s lies when you hear them, here’s a list of some of them. (After each lie, we’ll state the actual truth.)

Satan: ‘You’re the only one dealing with this problem. If anyone never finds out, you’ll be the laughingstock of the church!


The truth:
Most men deal with this problem, so no one will laugh.

Satan: ‘You failed again. You’ll never be able to train your eyes. It’s impossible.’


The truth:
It isn’t impossible. Job trained his eyes, didn’t he? He was a man just like you.

Satan: ‘You’re being so legalistic! The law is dead and only brings death.’


The truth:
God still has standards of behavior for us, and you’re responsible to live purely by His standards.

Satan: ‘Oh, c’mon! Don’t be such a moron. This ‘habit-changing’ plan will never work.’


The truth:
The plan will work, because for most men the problem of sexual impurity is nothing more than bad choices evolving into bad habits.

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You can’t always see them,
but the costs of your sin
are greater than you think!

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Satan:
‘Why fight this costly battle when the costs of your impurity are so minimal?’


The truth:
You can’t always see them, but the costs of your sin are greater than you think.

Satan: ‘Why live in this high state of alert for the rest of your life? Give up now, and I’ll leave you alone.’
The truth: Satan just might keep his word and leave you alone, but even if he did, the laws of reaping and sowing would still exact their payment from you. You cannot avoid the costs of sexual impurity. You need to fight.

Satan: ‘You’ll be awkward in business situations now, especially with women. You won’t fit in, and you’ll lose business.’


The truth:
No, you won’t be awkward in business situations. You’ll be more at ease than ever.

God is Waiting

New Life Ministries

Each one of us has been manipulated by our sexual culture; each of us has made choices to sin. To varying degrees, each of us became ensnared by these choices, but we can overcome this affliction. Far too often, however, we ignore our own responsibility in this. We complain, ‘Well, of course I want to be free from impurity! I’ve been to the altar 433 times about it haven’t I? It just doesn’t seem to be God’s will to free me.’

Not God’s will? That’s an offense to the character of God. Don’t blame God.

God’s will is for you to have sexual purity, though you may not think so since this hasn’t been your constant experience. But He has made a provision for that purity. Listen to these scriptures:


Count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus.
Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that
you obey its evil desires. Do not offer the parts of your body
to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves
to God, as those who have been brought from death to life;
and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of
righteousness. For sin shall not be your master, because you
are not under law, but under grace.
Romans 6:11-14

You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.
Romans 6:18

God is waiting for you. But He is not waiting by the altar, hoping you’ll drop by and talk for a while. He is waiting for you to rise up and engage in the battle. We have power through the Lord to overcome every level of sexual immorality, but if we don’t utilize that power, we’ll never break free of the habit.

You see, sexual impurity isn’t like a tumor growing out of control inside us. We treat it that way when our prayers focus on deliverance, as we plead for someone to come remove it. Actually, sexual impurity is a series of bad decisions on our part ‘ a result of immature character ‘ and deliverance won’t deliver you into instant maturity. Character work needs to be done.

Holiness is not some nebulous thing. It’s a series of right choices. You needn’t wait for some holy cloud to form around you. You’ll be holy when you choose not to sin. You’re already free from the power of sexual immorality; you are not yet free from the habit of sexual immorality, until you choose to be ‘ until you say, ‘That’s enough! I’m choosing to live purely!’

What’s the first step? Attend Every Man’s Battle.