God On Divorce

Steve Arterburn

There are two ways to give a command. You can take a positive approach, such as, ‘Follow God!’ Or you can spell out things to avoid, like, ‘Flee the devil.’

 

In Malachi chapter two, God uses both approaches to emphasize the sacredness of marriage. First, in verse 15, it’s stated positively: ‘Guard yourself; remain loyal to the wife of your youth.’ Then, in the very next verse, the same message is put quite another way: ”For I hate divorce!’ says the Lord, the God of Israel.’

 

Why is God so zealous about marriage? One reason among many is that God knows real contentment comes from the deep union of two souls, the kind found only within the security of an exclusive, lifelong commitment between a man and a woman. That’s the way He designed us.

 

Unfortunately, most of us’including me’have seen, or even been in, marriages with little evidence of such oneness. Today, divorce is increasingly common among both Christians and non-Christians alike. But just because it’s common doesn’t mean it’s okay. I speak from experience when I say divorce breaks God’s heart.

 

Yes, God can forgive divorce. If He could repeatedly absolve the nation of Israel for its many sins over the centuries, He too can forgive a husband and wife who’ve wrecked their marriage.

 

But guys, make no mistake: God would much rather see your commitments kept, commitments made before God and witnesses at your marriage ceremony. He’d like to see your loyalty honored, and the spiritual oneness between you and your wife kept sacred. Strive for it! 

As Christ Loves the Church

Dave Boyle

No doubt you have heard about all the publicity surrounding the new Mel Gibson movie called ‘The Passion of the Christ.’ Perhaps you have gone to see it yourself. In any event, you probably know that it depicts, in very horrifying and graphic detail, the last twelve hours of Christ, and the emotional and physical turmoil that He went through. The movie shows just how much Jesus suffered and endured to be our sacrifice and die for our sins. Basically, He gave everything He had.

OK, you’re saying, I believe that, and I’m eternally grateful to my Lord, but what does that have to do with where I’m at, as someone who was or is struggling with sexual integrity? Well, the parallel can be found in a verse found in Ephesians chapter 5, verse 25. ‘Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church.’ Too often the next part of the verse is preached on, the part about wives submitting to their husbands, and this verse is ignored. ‘Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church.’

One of the basic tenets of recovery is that it is always better to focus on doing something that is positive, rather than not doing something that is negative. The man who says, ‘I’m not going to drink tonight, I’m not going to drink tonight,’ usually ends up drinking that night. The woman who says, ‘I’m not going to eat that ice cream, I’m not going to eat that ice cream,’ usually ends up with at least two scoops. In our terms, telling ourselves repeatedly all day that we’re not going to get on the Internet porn sites after our wives are comfortably tucked away in bed, quite frankly does not work. We end up going there, and experiencing the guilt and the shame and all that goes with it.

‘Husbands, love your wives as Christ loves the church.’ Go see the ‘Passion of the Christ’ and get in touch with how much Jesus loves the church, which, brother, is you. And then process in your minds and your hearts how you’re going to show your wife that love. It may be something simple like foot rubs. It may be giving up a Saturday to go to the kids games or take her shopping. It may be learning what her favorite flower is and getting her a bouquet. It may be sitting down a couple of times a week and reading ‘Every Woman’s Desire’ together. But if you’re going to love her as Christ loves you, you’re going to have to be prepared to give up everything. But the great thing is, as you emotionally and spiritually attach and bond with her, the power of that false intimacy on the computer screen starts to fade, and the recovery begins. Focus on doing something that is positive, rather than on not doing something that is negative. And if you’re single, this same principle applies. Learn how to relate emotionally and spiritually to other guys, and to women as friends. Loving others, unconditionally and sacrificially, is one of the greatest tools in your recovery arsenal. Don’t be afraid to use it.

What’s the next step after attending Every Man’s Battle? Join us (with your spouse if you’re married) at our next New Life Weekend.