Understanding Your Wife’s Heart: Part 3

New Life Ministries

Your wife can be your ‘comrade in arms’ if she understands the battle for sexual purity and the road you have chosen for sexual integrity. Because male sexual impurity can be unsettling, even shocking, to women, we’ve included this section of interviews with women regarding Every Man’s Battle to give you awareness of how to relate better to your wife and communicate with her in your struggle to be and stay free. Be aware there’s a natural tug-of-war in the hearts of women between pity and disgust, between mercy and judgment.

As a woman, you’ve no doubt become aware of how much men and women differ sexually. In relation to your own husband, understanding the seventy-two hour cycle can help you keep him satisfied. Males have a strong, regular sex drive. The human male, because of sperm production and other factors, naturally desires sexual release about every forty-eight to seventy-two hours. Upon hearing this, one young wife blurted out, ‘Oh, what a cross to bear!’ Many women, who especially in early married life rarely have a matching level of desire, stand in amazement at how regularly their husbands desire sexual intercourse. But that’s the way men are built.

Ellen: ‘My husband’s purity is extremely important to me, so I try to meet his needs so that he goes out each day with his cup full. During the earlier years, with much energy into child-care and with my monthly cycle, it was a lot more difficult for me to do that. There weren’t too many ‘ideal times’ when everything was just right. But that’s life, and I did it anyway.’

So there’s a place for the ‘quickie.’ While a long-term diet of drive-by sex is unhealthy, it certainly has a place in defusing the power of the seventy-two-hour temptation cycle. Sometimes you just don’t have the time or energy for the full package, but if you care about his purity, you can find just enough energy to get him by.

In terms of your attire around the house, remember that his ignition is visual. You can get his motor running just changing shirts in his presence.

Ellen: ‘For my husband’s sake, I try not to undress in front of him unless I’m ready for action!’

When you want your husband to watch romantic videos with you, be especially sensitive to how movies with vivid love scenes will subject him to visual sensuality. Of course you want the two of you to watch the movie together, but give him room to say no for the sake of his sexual integrity.

Finally, as you struggle with your emotions to fully understand your husband’s problem and its effects on your marriage, realize that something just as harmful to marriage as sexual sin is the sin of comparison. When men look at sensual things, it can make them less satisfied with their wives. Likewise when women fantasize about the perfect husband, it can make them less satisfied with the mate God has given them.

Women are susceptible to this in different ways. Some fall prey to comparing their now stodgy husband to the ‘hunk’ they once knew in college. For others, the dissatisfaction comes from dreaming of a fling to a far-off island, or reading a romance novel and responding with ‘if only’ feelings that lead only to dissatisfaction.

Andrea: ‘The potential big downfall for me would be fantasizing about the ‘perfect husband,’ especially during trying times in our marriage. This makes me feel dissatisfied with him, and I want more from him than I should.’

Francis: ‘We women can fall short in our thought lives. We compare our husbands with other women’s husbands, but not necessarily in the physical or sexual arenas. We do it spiritually, comparing whose husband is a better spiritual leader, or just more spiritual in general. We also compare our lives with other women’s lives ‘ like who has it easier, and who does and doesn’t have to work outside the home. That also can cause dissatisfaction with our husbands.’

After attending Every Man’s Battle, we strongly encourage you to attend our marriage program at our New Life Weekend
This weekend will help your marriage to heal from the wounds of
impurity and will especially help your wife with questions that she
still may have.

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