Words Cannot Describe

Words cannot describe how sweet it is for a husband to hear his wife say he is being the leader, man, father and husband she has always wanted. It is something profound and beyond comprehension. I watched it happen this week in my office. After his serial adultery rocked their world 18 months ago, their marriage lay in tatters. They were hanging on by barely a thread. She was so angry she couldn’t make it through a session without yelling profanities about him, at him. There were times she was unable to speak because the pain was so deep. He dug in and did his work. He allowed God to humble him, change him, give him empathy and contrition. While certainly not out of the woods yet, there marriage is mending and they have each grown tremendously. He isn’t the same man. She isn’t the same woman. It’s not even close to being the same marriage. And this week, amidst family crises, chaotic schedules, difficult professional lives and numerous transitions she was able to tell him that she was thankful for his leadership, that he was the kind of man she has longed for.

He wept. So did she.

Me too.

Those words pierce the heart and soul of a man. For a man who has lived with self hate and self condemnation for a long time, and with the shame of destroying his wife’s heart and their marriage……..words cannot describe. The words instantly sink to the depth of his soul. Speaking from experience, It takes your breath away. It must be like water when you haven’t had a drink for days. Or food after weeks of fasting. It seems like you could live on the words alone; like they could sustain you. They are so moving that its confusing how to act – on one hand you want to rest, quietly and drink in every ounce of the moment. On the other hand you want to boldly walk outside and conquer the world. As if you were unstoppable.

If you’re a man reading this I urge you to live in such a way as to give your wife reason to say something like this to you. Give her every reason to find something to affirm in you. If you’re a wife reading this I urge you to try and find something, one little thing even, to affirm. Granted, I understand that your husband has hurt you and it may be too early or too fresh to find something to affirm. That’s okay. When the time comes, if you can muster the courage, give him the gift of your affirmation. You may be glad you did.

 

5 thoughts on “Words Cannot Describe

  1. Jason, thank you first of all for these posts each week. I look forward to them as a source of encouragement during my time at work. It is a different and important message that I hear and it truly is life changing. In regards to my story, I attended a emb workshop in Dallas a few months back and have been doing my best to live a life free of sexual impurity and to be the husband and father that I have been called to be. You were definitely right in saying it is a daily decision and battle be ause it certainly is harder than I anticipated. I struggle with thinking I haven’t changed since the battle in my heart and mind rages on each day. My source of encouragement in addition to the word of god is the words and encouragement of my wife. She can see a change in me that I can’t see right now and it gives me the strength to continue in the battle even when I don’t feel different. I also appreciated your previous post about celebrating success. I haven’t fallen back into porn since emb but do fight my eyes every day. I am hard on myself and reading your post helped me see that 2 months free of an outward act of sexual sin is a victory and a mark of god in my life. Thank you for what you do and for giving hope to men like me that previously had none. I am still in the battle and fighting thanks to the work of god through other men who have come before me.

    • Hey Jon,
      Thanks for chiming in. I’m pumped to hear its going well after the workshop! It IS a daily battle, but God is committed to this cause and promises to sustain us. Way to go leaning on Him.
      I’m also glad to hear your wife sees change. It is so risky for them to acknowledge change and, even more so, to tell us they see it. They are vulnerable to being hurt and disappointed. If you haven’t already, definitely thank her for taking that risk with you.
      Keep on fighting!
      Jason

    • I was engadged to be married to the most beautiful person I have ever known. Because I wasn’t taking care of my recovery I relapsed. While I don’t have a sexual addiction I have a drug addiction and it has presently ruined or damaged everything important to me. I robbed us of going through life together. While we are working on things sometimes I feel as if the trust will never be regained. I have been able to accept what I did and I am back in recovery, and have forgiven myself. somedays especially after we have spent sometime together and have gone our separate ways, I get this feeling of being put away. And its damned empty feeling. I often find myself thinking at what point do I move on when I know that it has only been 3 months. I’m just in pain and confused.

  2. TGIF Jason,
    How are you? I LOVE the blogs that you and EMB do every week. You guys are my HERO’S:-)
    I have the EMB book series GREAT STUFF! After reading those books I knew that I had to be an example of purity to my family. I bought my son EYB so that he will become a man of purity too. I can confirm to you and any other person that CHANGE IS VISIBLE. What a joy it is to know that your spouse can see the change in you, but the greater joy is to know that you have changed. Love you guys and keep on doing the work of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
    Brother 2 Brother Yours In Life And Death!

  3. Wow! I SO appreciate these blogs! They help me as well as my husband by giving us both encouragement. I appreciate more than I can say that you include the feelings of the wife and where she may be at in this battle along with her husband. I do not have a local group of any kind for support. My husband, Daryl, does the Sustained Victory on Wednesday nights. I am so glad he has that support. He gets a lot from sharing with those guys. Jason, EMB is phenomenal! The format, the REALITY of both parties involved, really sets the stage for what and how we both must deal with all of this and without Jesus Christ, we would both fail miserably! When you and your wife do your Kitchen Conversation blogs, she is my only connection at this time with a wife that has walked through this, and in victory. I cannot thank her enough for her courage and willingness to help other women, and their husbands, to understand the walk.

    Thank you again and again! I look forward to the next blog!

    Sandy

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