Face facts: If you haven’t yet learned to say “No” —to say it politely, firmly, and often—you’re inviting untold stress into your life. Why? Because if you can’t say “No” (when appropriate) to family members, friends, or coworkers, you’ll find yourself overcommitted and underappreciated.

If you have trouble standing up for yourself, perhaps you’re afraid that you’ll be rejected. But here’s a tip: don’t worry too much about rejection, especially when you’re rejected for doing the right thing.

Pleasing other people is a good thing . . . up to a point. But you must never allow your “willingness to please” to interfere with your own good judgment or with God’s priorities.

God gave you a conscience for a reason: to inform you about the things you need to do as well as the things you don’t need to do. It’s up to you to follow your conscience wherever it may lead, even if it means making unpopular decisions. Your job, should you choose to accept it, is to be popular with God, not people.

Some of us would do more for the Lord if we did less.   ~Vance Havner

Many people never receive God’s best for them because they are addicted to the approval of others. ~Joyce Meyer

When we are set free from the bondage of pleasing others, when we are free from currying others’ favor and others’ approval—then no one will be able to make us miserable or dissatisfied. And then, if we know we have pleased God, contentment will be our consolation.   ~Kay Arthur

Don’t be addicted to approval. Follow your heart. Do what you believe God is telling you to do, and stand firm in Him and Him alone.   ~Joyce Meyer

TODAY’S PRAYER
Dear Lord, when I need to say no, give me the courage, the wisdom, and the strength to say it. Today and every day, help me follow my conscience, not the crowd. Amen

No one escapes this life without undergoing deep pain or hurt. Some find healing from their pain while others always live under it.  Their bitterness, anger, and sadness grows deeper with each passing year.  They may be getting through life and functioning fairly normally, but they are not really living–not as God intended them to live. Their lives are devoid of great joy and purpose.  If this sounds like you, then we are glad you found this article.  Prayerfully consider the following steps and begin to make the healing choices God so graciously extends to you.

1. Begin thinking about God as Jesus. If you are serious about healing your spiritual abuse wounds, make an intentional choice to begin ‘seeing’ Jesus whenever you think or talk about God. The beginning of change is calling a thing by its right name. So, start by calling God ‘Jesus’ rather than by the name of your father, stepfather, grandfather, or uncle.

Read and study the Gospels to learn how Jesus interacted with people. How did He treat people who were struggling with sin? I’ll give you a hint. Jesus was astonishingly kind and gentle with people who knew they were sinful and amazingly confrontational with those who thought they were perfect.

2. Learn about God’s general attributes. Learning to see God as He is revealed in Scripture ‘ most clearly in Jesus, of course ‘ will help you replace distorted God-concepts with the truth. And this will help you love and trust God more.

3. Learn about God as a loving parent. God wants us to know that He is not like hurtful human parents. Even though our own parents forsake us, he will ‘receive’ us (NIV) or ‘take [us] up’ (KJV) (Psalm 27:10). That seems to picture God reaching down and adopting us as His own child, like a loving father would do for a child abandoned on His doorstep. In fact, Scripture repeatedly emphasizes God’s tender concern for ‘the fatherless’ and for orphans (see Psalm 10:14; 146:9; Hosea 14:3).

4. Write about what you’re learning. Use your personal journal to write about how God differs from the perception you have of Him that was shaped by your parents. How would that truth change your life if you began acting upon it? One Christian adult raised by hurtful, perfectionist parents made this observation: I am blown away by Jesus’ description of the father in the ‘Prodigal Son’ parable. He is entirely different from my dad. I have been afraid and very reluctant to confess my sins to God because I always pictured Him with His arms folded over His chest, a disgusted look on His face, and shaking His head back and forth ‘ just like my dad. I think I can pray more easily if I can hold onto the picture of God as loving and forgiving.

5. Get help to deal honestly with ‘the pain of the pain.’ When we begin to mourn our childhood losses and to feel the grief and despair, the pain can be debilitating. It can feel like dying. And the worst part may be ‘the pain of the pain.’ The pain of our pain is that God allowed it. I will not insult refugees from childhood hells by offering easy answers to the imponderable questions that such experiences raise. I don’t know why our loving Father God permits children to undergo such unspeakable suffering. But I cling to my belief that somehow ‘ in ways that are light-years beyond my capacity to understand ‘ God will fulfill His promises to comfort the mourning and bring joy out of the pain. (See Isaiah 61:2-3 and Psalm 30:11.) If the pain of our pain is that God allowed it, then the joy of our joy must be learning that God can heal and redeem our pain and lead us into lives of genuine joy.

6. Choose to trust God in the midst of your pain and questions. If we insist on waiting until the pain and doubt go away before trusting God, we’ll never do it. God never promised pain-free lives in this sin-stained world. But He has promised to be with us and to comfort and strengthen us in the midst of our pain. I invite you to examine His record of faithfulness to that promise and, after doing so, to purposefully decide to trust God. If you are willing to practice this choice (or even willing to be made willing), ask God to empower you.

7. Choose your church family. We couldn’t choose our birth families, but we can choose our church families. Deliberately evaluate your church’s ‘spiritual health’ and decide whether you should stay. Make sure you are in a church that has the biblically balanced emphasis of 2 Peter 3:18, which tells believers to ‘grow in grace and in the knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.’ Ask God to lead you in this critical choice.

Making healing choices on your own can be tough. Please see Healing is a Choice

for some help. Also prayerfully consider joining us at our next New Life Weekend.

And God said, ‘Let the earth bring forth living creatures according to their kinds—livestock and creeping things and beasts of the earth according to their kinds.’ And it was so. And God made the beasts of the earth according to their kinds and the livestock according to their kinds, and everything that creeps on the ground according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. Then God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them. And God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth’ (Genesis 1:24-28).

Most Bible scholars and theologians do not equate the image of God with any one human attribute. To be sure, the image of God is evident in that humans are intelligent, rational beings, capable of complex thought and self-awareness, and of amazing ingenuity. We are also highly emotional creatures, at our best capable of great love, compassion, altruism, sympathy, and even empathy. Moreover, we are moral agents; again, at our best we know that right and wrong are realities, and that beauty is more desirable than ugliness. We are also the world’s only ‘language animals,’ able to communicate with each other with stunning precision and depth, but more importantly, able to understand and respond to God’s address (thus humans are ‘response-able’ creatures). All these attributes should be taken into consideration when pondering what it means that humans bear the image of God.

As this text from Genesis makes clear, however, the chief byproducts of being made in God’s image are dignity and dominion. That is to say, as God’s representatives, or vice-regents on earth, we are to exhibit responsible stewardship over his creation, cultivating and consuming the garden that is the world—including the animals within it—with a dignity that befits our exalted creaturely status, that reflects our Creator’s character, and that enhances his glory.

But as the biblical account of our origin fades from the collective memory, or at least from the collective worldview of Western civilization—having been replaced either explicitly or implicitly in the minds of many by Darwinian evolutionary theory—that civilization becomes increasingly
less civilized. That is because evolutionary theory denies both the human status of being responsible subjects under God, as well as the human status of being dignified stewards over animals. For the Bible acknowledges a ‘solidarity of the sixth day’ between humans and animals, whereas  evolutionary theory effectively removes any such distinction, equating rather than relating humans and animals. Is it any wonder, then, that the history of the twentieth-century Western world betrays the two-fold phenomenon of exalting animals and degrading humans? Can you not see such a process at work by considering radical animal-rights activists such as PETA, oppressive political systems such as those under Hitler, Stalin, and Mao, and popular agendas in American culture such as the sexual revolution, abortion on demand, and euthanasia?

My friends, the biblical worldview elevates humanity by affirming human responsibility, human dignity, and most of all, human life itself! Sadly, if you’ll look seriously and honestly at the recent history and present predicament of the Western world, I think you’ll find that alternatives to the biblical worldview have served to dehumanize humanity, and render civilization less civilized.

For more help on this subject see: Being Christian

2. LOVING – affectionate, cozy, passionate, romantic, sexy, warm, tender, responsive, thankful, appreciative, refreshed, pleased

3. HIGH ENERGY – energetic, enthusiastic, excited, playful, rejuvenated, talkative, pumped, motivated, driven, determined, obsessed

4. AMAZED – stunned, surprised, shocked, jolted, perplexed

5. ANXIOUS – uneasy, embarrassed, frustrated, nauseated, ashamed, nervous, restless, worried, stressed

6. CONFIDENT – positive, secure, self-assured, assertive

7. PEACEFUL – relieved, at ease, calm, comforted, cool, relaxed, serene

8. AFRAID – scared, anxious, apprehensive, boxed in, burdened, confused, distressed, fearful, frightened, guarded, hard pressed, overwhelmed, panicky, paralyzed, tense, terrified, worried, insecure

9. TRAUMATIZED – shocked, disturbed, injured, damaged

10. ANGRY – annoyed, controlled, manipulated, furious, grouchy, grumpy, irritated, provoked, frustrated

11. LOW ENERGY – beaten down, exhausted, tired, weak, listless, depressed, detached, withdrawn, indifferent, apathetic

12. ALONE – avoidant, lonely, abandoned, deserted, forlorn, isolated, cutoff, detached,

13. SAD – unhappy, crushed, dejected, depressed, desperate, despondent, grieved, heartbroken, heavy, weepy

14. BETRAYED – deceived, fooled, duped, tricked

15. CONFUSED – baffled, perplexed, mystified, bewildered

16. ASHAMED – guilty, mortified, humiliated, embarrassed, exposed

Jesus came to provide a way for us to receive forgiveness for our sins. So this seems to be pretty important to him. We want to be free from the weight of our regrets and mistakes and yet, we struggle with the idea of extending that same release to others. We either want justice or revenge. They should understand the pain they caused us. (MT 18:23-30)

The word ‘forgive’ is thrown around as if it is cheap and easy. What Jesus did on the cross to allow forgiveness to happen was not easy. He did not even want to do it, he said “Father if there is any other way, take this cup from me.” MT 26:39 But he made the hard choice and wants us to do the same. Notice, forgiveness is a choice not a feeling. If you wait until you feel like forgiving, it will never happen and you will be stuck carrying the burden forever.

Many people have a misperception that forgiveness is a one time action that “let’s perpetrators off the hook” We are not taught that forgiveness is a process. This process starts with identifying the wound. If we are not aware of what is hurting us, it is extremely difficult to seek healing for it. If you go to the doctor for a cut on your hand but show him your foot, he will have a hard time stitching up the cut and it will be unlikely to heal properly. It will possibly become infected and hurt worse.

Next we need to confess anything that has become sin in relation to the memory of the experience. This is where bitterness, anger, revenge, taking things into our own hands, and selfishness needs to be acknowledged. Wait a minute, are saying I have to let go of my feelings of being hurt? What about the other person? If I forgive them, they will get away with hurting me, why do I have to confess?

This is where one of the corrections to the forgiveness myth comes in. Forgiveness is not for “them”, it’s for you. If you confess your sin first, you are making space for the Holy Spirit to fill you and heal your hurt.

If you try to get back at the person who hurt you, that is the only discipline they will receive. If you choose to forgive them, God will say ‘Ok I’ll take it from here.’ His justice and correction are better than anything I could come up with, so I prefer leaving the discipline, or teaching, to him. After acknowledging the hurt and confessing your own sin, you are now ready to release the person into God’s care. Remember, it is for your freedom and health that you are forgiving them. Be specific. Say “I choose to forgive_______ (name of person) for_______ (what they did) in Jesus’ name. I release them in Jesus’ name” The first time is to break enemy strongholds and the second is so that it comes from the heart. (Mt 18:35)

Finally ask the Holy Spirit to fill you, seal you, and make you the person God designed you to be from the beginning. You are a treasure and you bring glory, honor, and pleasure to God when you forgive others. He sings over you. (Zeph 3:17)

Steps of Forgiveness

• Acknowledge hurtful situation
• Confess your sin
• Choose to forgive and release the person who hurt or upset you
• Ask Holy Spirit to fill you

Unforgiveness hurts a lot of people. It removes you from relationship with others, yourself, and with God. Making the choice to forgive those who have wronged you allows God to be bigger than the hurt. He wants to bring you healing and freedom. More than that, he wants you back in relationship with Him. There are many reasons to learn how to forgive. It is possible to gain freedom from the burdens you carry. Forgiving is the vehicle to remove the bricks from your backpack so you no longer have to lug them around with you. Your heavenly father wants to relieve the weight you carry as it is too heavy for you. There is hope.

Are you a confident, faithful believer, or do you live under a cloud of uncertainty and doubt? As a Christian, you have many reasons to be confident. After all, God is in His heaven; Christ has risen; and you are the recipient of God’s grace. Despite these blessings, you may, from time to time, find yourself being tormented by stressful, destructive emotions—and you are certainly not alone.

During turbulent times like these, even the most faithful Christians are overcome by occasional bouts of fear and doubt. And you are no different. But even when you feel very distant from God, remember that God is never distant from you. When you sincerely seek His presence, He will touch your heart, calm your fears, and restore your confidence.

Bible hope is confidence in the future.   ~Warren Wiersbe

Feelings of confidence depend upon the type of thoughts you habitually occupy. Think defeat, and you are bound to be defeated.   ~Norman Vincent Peale

Jesus gives us the ultimate rest, the confidence we need, to escape the frustration and chaos of the world around us.   ~Billy Graham

Believe and do what God says. The life-changing consequences will be limitless, and the results will be confidence and peace of mind. ~Franklin Graham

TODAY’S PRAYER
Lord, You are my Savior and my Sustainer. I will be safe with You in heaven, and I am safe with You here on earth. Today, I will trust in Your promises, and I will be a confident, obedient, purposeful servant to Your Son.  Amen

The sadness that accompanies any significant loss is an inevitable fact of life. In time, sadness runs its course and gradually abates. Depression, on the other hand, is a physical and emotional condition that is, in almost all cases, treatable with medication and counseling. Depression is not a disease to be taken lightly. Left untreated, it presents real dangers to patients’ physical health and to their emotional well-being.

If you find yourself feeling “blue,” perhaps it’s a logical reaction to the ups and downs of daily life. But if your feelings of sadness have gone on longer than you think they should—or if someone close to you fears that your sadness may have evolved into clinical depression—it’s time to seek professional help.

Some days are light and happy, and some days are not. When we face the inevitable dark days of life, we must choose how we will respond. Will we allow ourselves to sink even more deeply into our own sadness, or will we do the difficult work of pulling ourselves out? We bring light to the dark days of life by turning first to God, and then to trusted family members, friends, and medical professionals. When we do, the clouds will eventually part, and the sun will shine once more upon our souls.

Emotions we have not poured out in the safe hands of God can turn into feelings of hopelessness and depression. God is safe. ~Beth Moore

Self blame over the past leads to depression in the present and poor decisions for the future.   ~Barbara Johnson

Feelings of uselessness and hopelessness are not from God, but from the evil one, the devil, who wants to discourage you and thwart your effectiveness for the Lord.   ~Bill Bright

Don’t let aridity distress you: perfection has nothing to do with such things—only with virtues. Your devotion will come back when you are least expecting it.   ~St. Teresa Of Avila

TODAY’S PRAYER
Dear Lord, You have promised to lift me up from the pit of my despair, and You have promised to place a new song on my lips.  If the darkness envelops me, Father, remind me of those promises. And give me the wisdom to accept help from the people You have placed along my path. Amen

Life is full of frustrations: some great and some small. On occasion, you, like Jesus, will confront evil, and when you do, you may respond as He did: vigorously and without reservation. But, more often your frustrations will be of the more mundane variety. As long as you live here on earth, you will face countless opportunities to lose your temper over small, relatively insignificant events: a traffic jam, a spilled cup of coffee, an inconsiderate comment, a broken promise. When you are tempted to lose your temper over the minor inconveniences of life, don’t. Turn away from anger, stress, bitterness, and regret. Turn instead to God. When you do, you’ll be following His commandments and giving yourself a priceless gift . . . the gift of peace.

Take no action in a furious passion. It’s putting to sea in a storm.   ~Thomas Fuller

When something robs you of your peace of mind, ask yourself if it is worth the energy you are expending on it. If not, then put it out of your mind in an act of discipline. Every time the thought of “it” returns, refuse it.   ~Kay Arthur

Anger is the noise of the soul; the unseen irritant of the heart; the relentless invader of silence.   ~Max Lucado

Doomed are the hotheads! Unhappy are they who lose their cool and are too proud to say, “I’m sorry.” ~Robert Schuller

TODAY’S PRAYER
Dear Lord, when I am angry, I cannot feel the peace that You intend for my life. When I am bitter, I cannot sense Your love. Heavenly Father, keep me mindful that forgiveness is Your commandment and Your will for my life. Let me turn away from anger and instead claim the spiritual abundance that You offer through the priceless gift of Your Son Jesus. Amen