Contributing to – if not causing – most dis-ease in this culture are addictions, boundary issues and codependency. Identifying and managing these ABCs are requirements for developing and maintaining deep, meaningful relationships with ourselves, others, and God.

ADDICTION

Addiction is a persistent, compulsive dependence on a behavior or substance. Because specific behaviors (i.e. eating, running, and worrying) trigger specific chemicals (insulin, endorphins, adrenaline), it’s common to be both behaviorally and chemically addicted, requiring treatment in both areas. Also, because of tolerance (more and more of the behavior and/or substance needed to achieve desired effects) it’s common to have an “every now and then” activity turn in to an “out of control” chemical and behavioral addiction. Although studies show that some people might carry an “addictive gene,” it important to consider that overtime anyone can be an addict and anything can be addictive.

BOUNDARIES

A boundary is a personal “property line.” It defines who you are, where you end, and where others begin. It refers to the truth, to reality, to what is. You set a boundary with your words when you are honest and when you establish a consequence for another’s hurtful actions. Boundaries communicate (physically and verbally) what you want and do not want, what you are for and against, what you love and hate, what is “you” and what is “not you.” People with strong boundaries are clear about their opinions, beliefs, and attitudes and respectful of others’ boundaries. People without clear boundaries are unsure of their opinions, feelings, and beliefs. They find themselves easily controlled by the demands of others because they feel unsure of themselves when they need to take a stand. (Excerpted from Boundaries Face to Face, by Cloud/Townsend).

CODEPENDENCY

A codependent person is one who has let another person’s behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior. Codependency is a dependency on people – on their moods, behaviors, sickness or well-being, and their love. Codependents appear to be depended upon, but they are dependent. They look strong but feel helpless. They appear controlling but in reality are controlled themselves, [often by food, alcohol, money, anger, worry, stress, negative thinking]. (Excerpted from Codependent No More, by Melody Beatty).

ABCs can make a difference in how we identify and manage food and weight issues, relationship problems, depression, anxiety, sleep disturbances, other dysfunctional patterns of thoughts and behaviors. Unfortunately, due to ignorance, denial, shame and fear, it is often difficult – if not impossible – to identify and manage ABCs in ourselves and others without seeking wise council. This week, I invite you to know your ABCs by asking three people you trust the following questions:

1. Am I addicted to a behavior or substance?
2. Do I seek relationships with addicts?
3. Do I have weak or strong boundaries?
4. Do I seek relationships with people who have strong or weak boundaries?
5. Am I codependent?
6. Do I attract codependents?

If yes to any of these questions, you will need help in these areas. You cannot recover from addiction, boundary issues or codependency by reading a book or going to a workshop. Knowing and managing your ABCs is a complicated, often lifetime journey that requires awareness, honesty, accountability, and wise council – sometimes medical and psychological interventions – on a regular basis.

So, the next – and most important – question to ask three people you trust:

7. Would you be willing to help me start and maintain recovery from my ABCs?