New Life Live: August 1, 2014

Topics: Sexual AddictionSexual IntegrityBoundariesShameAffairsMarriageSelf WorthForgivenessBipolarParenting 
Hosts: Steve Arterburn and Guest Hosts Marilyn Meberg and Shannon Ethridge

Caller Questions:

  1. What is my next step if my husband continues to have wandering eyes? 
  2. How do I forgive myself for a fling I had 20yrs ago? 
  3. What can I do to help my daughter to accept that she is bipolar? 
  4. I had a child with an abusive woman; is the child my responsibility? 

Suggested Resources:
Healing Is a Choice
Constantly Craving
7 Minute Marriage Solution

Subscribe to the NEW LIFE LIVE Podcast via iTunes or streaming audio from Stitcher, the Smart Radio App.



  1. Linda August 1, 2014 at 12:40 pm - Reply

    I am listening to your program today and I am hearing this poor woman who I hear suffering from her disclosure of her affair to her husband. Your advice is so right on and I too had an affair which I never disclosed to my husband. He had an affair (s) 10 years ago and I called your show and was able to talk with Steve during my time trial and suffering and his advice and empathy as well as your show from then on was a huge part of my healing. It took a long time for both of us to really find our healing (about 6 years) but it did come. I also like her thought about disclosing my indescretion but have chosen not to because I know how much this would hurt my husband and may completely destroy him. I learned so much through his affair about how we both got to that place and this revelation alone is what has helped heal both of us. Our marriage is so much better, not perfect but definitely what we both longed for all those years. We will be married 43 years in August and with God will be together the rest of our lives. We are stil growing everyday in our love and our respect for each other. I pray this caller leans on God deeper and finds the healing she needs for herself. In her healing her husband will be able to find his.

  2. ann August 1, 2014 at 12:53 pm - Reply

    Have mercy on this woman’s soul, please, please, let it go. Marilyn was absolutely right, had you confessed and asked for forgiveness from God you would be no longer haunted by the affair that you had 30 years ago, please let that go—forgive yourself, go to confession, you continue to allow the enemy ride you like a free rail, LET IT GO. God didn’t force you in to that conviction, the enemy did. Now that cats out of the bag keep moving forward stop living in the past, your husband has forgiven you, of course he’ll have his moments, after all you just told him this a few months ago. Stop getting beat up and forgive yourself, God has paid the price for your sin, mine, and everyone else’s.

    • frank August 1, 2014 at 4:50 pm - Reply

      I totally agree with you, women will always stick together no mater what, what about the poor husband ? hi is not going to heal just like that.

  3. u4me August 1, 2014 at 1:30 pm - Reply

    This is not a bash on NL but I must say the lady who called and had an affair decades ago, the advice was to have the husband ask what was the trauma that made this happen. Are you kidding me? We don’t take responsibility for our actions to a gross extent. This could have very well cost this person her marriage and I must say the husband deserves much praise for forgiving, NOT trying to see if he may have caused this. The cause is/was our sinful state, of whom I am a sinner as well. To try to push adultery off on a traumatic event that may have ‘made’ this happen is a travesty and a mockery of the Bible!
    For some reason it seems when a man does this there is contempt but when a woman does it there must be a reason or traumatic event to cause this…?

  4. family_man August 1, 2014 at 1:40 pm - Reply

    Re:”For some reason it seems when a man does this there is contempt but when a woman does it there must be a reason or traumatic event to cause this…?

    – Agree. This pattern is prevalent here..

    • u4me August 1, 2014 at 1:44 pm - Reply

      Thank you!!
      I like to believe I am the not the only one who sees this, it is nice to have confirmation that I am not blind. My wife had an affair on me, betrayed our entire family and I am sure there are many who look at me and ask, “I wonder what he did to make his wife have an affair”.
      It is NOT Biblical!!!

  5. u4me August 1, 2014 at 2:57 pm - Reply

    One more thing,
    To the lady who called:
    I hold you no more accountable for your sin than I do my own. The Body of Christ is behind you, we love you and thank God for His forgiveness. I am glad you were able to salvage your marriage as this is what God would desire. You were brave to come on the show and Christians are behind you because you/we are forgiven. With what I said, I just want you to know I am not saying anything against you and the sincerity you showed.
    God bless and I hope your marriage can be what God would have it be!

  6. jeneh August 3, 2014 at 11:55 am - Reply

    PROVERBS 6-7 The words of the wicked are, ”Lie in wait for blood,” but the mouth of the upright will deliver them. The wicked are overthrown and are no more, but the house of the righteous will stand. JOB 5:15-17 But He saves the needy from the sword. from the mouth of the mighty, and from the mouth of the mighty, and from their hand. So the poor have hope, and injustice shuts her mouth.”Behold happy is the man who God corrects; therefore do not despise the chastening of the Almighty. Thank you God for your word in Jesus name.Amen.

  7. thankful August 4, 2014 at 6:14 pm - Reply

    Wow…I guess I am blown away by the advice the woman who had the affair 30 years ago was given. It seems contrary on the part about confession than what I read in some of your materials.
    Marylin actually asked the woman why she confessed, as if it was the wrong thing to do. I hope you don’t think when we sin against God, and our marriage partner, that we only need to confess to God.
    When a person drives drunk and kills someone, is asking forgiveness from God all that is expected, or would we think they should also ask forgiveness from the family of this deceased person as well…since their actions broke apart a family, and brought heartache.
    Those who find excuses to not confess, do so for selfish reasons to protect themselves, and what they think they might possibly lose…it is THEM deciding what is best for their mate, and their marriage…purely selfish motives.

  8. ann August 5, 2014 at 2:36 pm - Reply

    Wow thankful, I sort of understand how you feel but the woman never forgave herself for the affair, she allowed that sin to eat her alive until the point of her telling her husband of which I respect but she did it out of pure guilt that was eating at her very flesh only because she did not forgive herself. Imagine having to live with something for 30 years that has you a prisoner in your own skin, that’s not a healthy thing at all. Marilyn was merely pointing out the fact that she did not ask for forgiveness, she did not confess her sin to God, nor did she allow herself to be forgiven. What’s done is done and I pray that she and her husband can work through this and continue living a life of love together forever.

  9. Joshua August 5, 2014 at 9:41 pm - Reply

    “Greetings and Salutations! ” Praise the Lord our G-D, for He is one!
    I’m over — years old, and I’ve loved Jesus since age 7! Yes, I was more than aware of right
    from wrong, what sin was and that Jesus came to save us, not condemn us and He loved, gave love, is love! I needed His forgiveness at 7 for some evil sins I was used to commit one,
    a few I was lead but after that “I,” owned the sins by age 7 Iasked Jesus to forgive me for all those sins, Jesus’s unconditional love drew me His forgiveness and the Holy Gost have guideded through many hells and protected me from many devils. Because of His heart I’ve
    been able to forgive those which sinned against me and evil with Jesus’s help even love them! However, it wasn’t till I was an adult He showed me how badly I needed to forgive ME
    then a few yrs from that He lead me to love myself (not ego type) ; then He took to higher levels in Him and increased my servents heart for His service. Not being a pastor and college wasn’t a handicap as He and His Holy Gost tought and increased me as the need arose. Sometimes we need to rebuke memories and pray and fast and and ask the Holy Gost to help us to forgive and love us, to! And ask for wisdom to know if the battle is ours or His and to help us not recall sins put under His blood; which He forgave and forgot. Yet, the
    devil (the looser) will bring back memories of a sin (s) to keep us from achieving anything of G-D’s purpose’s for us, especially forgiveness and love for everyone! Aren’t you and I everyone. So, fight the good fight of faith! HIS LOVE ENDURES FOREVER ! 1 Corith.13; 13

  10. Joshua August 5, 2014 at 9:48 pm - Reply

    Sorry for the leagth and the space, grammar and etc. mistake
    wont happen again being so long that is.
    Rejoice He is coming soon, be ready!

Leave A Comment