New Life Live: August 29, 2013

Topics: ControllerAdult ChildrenAngerDatingForgivenessBoundariesWorkplace
Hosts: Steve ArterburnMilan Yerkovich, Guest Host Marilyn Meberg

Caller Questions:

  1. What boundaries can I set for my 24yo controlling son? 
  2. My 20yo son comes home angry from church; how should I respond? 
  3. I have kids and am not married; how do I find a good man? 
  4. Is it possible to forgive my husband and still set boundaries? 
  5. What tips do you have for getting along with non-believers at work? 
  6. After my husband’s affair 3yrs ago, how can I resolve my intimacy issues? 

Suggested Resources:
Anger Workbook
Is This The One
Forgiving the Unforgivable
Being Christian
7 Minute Marriage Solution

Subscribe to the NEW LIFE LIVE Podcast via iTunes or streaming audio from Stitcher, the Smart Radio App.

2018-01-26T06:21:23+00:00

8 Comments

  1. Cindy August 29, 2013 at 11:23 am - Reply

    Hello,

    Thanks to the three of you on the radio helping those who call in and those of us listening. I would like to say something regarding the gal who shared just a few minutes ago about being married 34 years, her husband cheated, and she struggles with intimacy. I would like to say to her…in my opinion…your husband was unfaithful to you. That is not her fault. You could divorce him but thanks be to God you have chosen the higher road and have forgiven him. That is awesome! I don’t think there is anything wrong with you laying bare to him all your pain and anger. There have been times when I’ve told my husband…yes, I forgave you for….but I am struggling today, could you please ask me again to forgive you?
    Also, be careful not to allow your husband to be an idol. Be certain that Jesus is on the throne in your heart. Psalm 62:2. “He only is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold; I shall not be greatly shaken.”
    Decide that remaining with him is the best path and the one you have chosen. Refuse to be miserable. Psalm 43:5. “Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why are you disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him, the help of my countenance and my God.”
    Be a blessing to your husband. Serve him, as unto the Lord, as a brother in Christ, (as He has forgiven us as well), ejecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great!

    • Cindy August 29, 2013 at 11:30 am - Reply

      Hello,

      Thanks to the three of you on the radio helping those who call in and those of us listening. I would like to say something regarding the gal who shared just a few minutes ago about being married 34 years, her husband cheated, and she struggles with intimacy. I would like to say to her…in my opinion…your husband was unfaithful to you. That is not her fault. You could divorce him but thanks be to God you have chosen the higher road and have forgiven him. That is awesome! I don’t think there is anything wrong with you laying bare to him all your pain and anger. There have been times when I’ve told my husband…yes, I forgave you for….but I am struggling today, could you please ask me again to forgive you?
      Also, be careful not to allow your husband to be an idol. Be certain that Jesus is on the throne in your heart. Psalm 62:2. “He only is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold; I shall not be greatly shaken.”
      Decide that remaining with him is the best path and the one you have chosen. Refuse to be miserable. Psalm 43:5. “Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why are you disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him, the help of my countenance and my God.”
      Be a blessing to your husband. Serve him, as unto the Lord, as a brother in Christ, (as He has forgiven us as well), ejecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great!
      Oops, I mean EXPECTING nothing in return.
      I live you, my sister, and I said a pray for you today.
      Be strong in the Lord! He is great, we are weak. Nothing with Him is impossible!

  2. Ann August 29, 2013 at 6:21 pm - Reply

    Your advice today in regards to the woman married to the abusive narcissistic husband was good. However I sensed she was left wondering what about divorce if he won’t come around? This is a very confusing topic. I am in a similar situation myself and I can’t fathom that God would be ok with those of us in these situations just staying married with no hope of change. At the same time I have heard over and over again that there are only 2 biblical reasons for divorce and abuse is not on that short list of 2. So what is a faithful Christian person to do? If they stay married even though separated they are not truly free. If they divorce they will be judged by some for a nonbiblical divorce but most importantly will they be judged by God? So my question is if you are separated how long do you wait for the other person to come around? If they never do is it ok to divorce just to have personal peace and freedom? I hope someone can answer this one for me because it truly sucks the life out of you to be in this situation. Thanks in advance for any answers!

    • Pat August 29, 2013 at 8:57 pm - Reply

      Some of use choose to grow, other don’t. This is called growing apart. Why would someone or something as big as God expect to people running in opposite directions to stay together? I don’t believe that God expects us to stay miserable. I was married to a non believer and after being with him 16 years, I grew spiritually and emotionally. He wasn’t. He was bossy, controlling, argumentive, and non Christian. That was nearly 20 years ago. It will be hard at times, but if you get your finances in order, I would say think for yourself, move on and grow. I am single to this day and the more I know, the easier it is.

    • Kerry August 30, 2013 at 8:06 am - Reply

      I can relate so closely to your comment and wanted to know what reply you may have received as I could benefit from that information as well based on my own circumstance / experience.

      Thank you very much.

    • MH September 1, 2013 at 9:17 pm - Reply

      Hi,

      after over two years of prayer and study on being married to a very difficult, self centered spouse, I think these are my take-aways:
      – divorce is never a starting point. We need to do everything we can to identify how we are contributing to the situation, change what we can, and encourage the other person to change.
      – however, we cannot force another to change. God gave each of us a free will. After all,In the parable of the sower, some of the seed fell on rocky, hard ground.
      -also, we can certainly separate to protect ourselves and to gain safety and peace. I’ve heard Milan and Dave address this many times.
      – And, when Jesus instructed the disciples to go out to the unbelievers, he didn’t tell the disciples to stay and keep batting away at them until they caved in. If they didn’t accept the gospel, the disciples were to leave and turn them over to God. ( see Matt 10 5-15, Mark 6: 7-11 or Luke 10: 1-12). What better hands could they possibly be in?

  3. Mona August 30, 2013 at 1:08 pm - Reply

    Marilyn Meberg is outstanding. What a wise and compassionate person. Would love to hear more from her in future programs.

  4. Ursula Johnston September 9, 2013 at 12:00 pm - Reply

    Ever since it aired, I’ve been thinking about Mary, the wife with questions about forgiveness and boundaries. Mary, I am in the same situation as you, but I am divorcing my husband and holding him responsible for his behavior. I gave my husband several opportunities to get help and admit his poor treatment of me. He never admitted to hurting me. He never apologized. Our marriage was on paper only, which God does not desire for his Christian sons and daughters. It appears you are fixated on forgiveness, which is the very thing that hinders your ability to forgive and take care of yourself. The hosts of the show were right and gave you solid advise I hope you will heed. In a situation of abuse, your first priority is not forgiveness, it is safety. Once you establish safe boundaries for your relationship – which is your right and your responsibility to yourself – you’ll clear your mind to determine next steps without pressure from your husband or anyone else. Please stop fixating on forgiveness – the fact that you’re confused about it indicates you’re not ready. Forgiveness is not real or lasting if it is forced. As hard as it is, stand up for yourself. You matter, Mary, you matter. If your husband does not agree with that, then he must go. Turn this over to God – and watch Him do a good work in you.

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