New Life Live: February 2, 2015

Topics: SinglesDatingWeight LossEating DisordersAngerPornographyParenting, DivorceMarriage
Hosts: Steve ArterburnDr. Dave StoopDr. Jill Hubbard

Caller Questions:

  1. How do I not beat myself up for being single at 40yrs old? 
  2. The Lose It for Life Weekend changed my life. Thank you New Life! 
  3. What can I say to my 28yo daughter who gets angry when I mention her weight? 
  4. Should my 11yo daughter get counseling after viewing pornography? 
  5. Does the Bible say I should not have married after I got a divorce? 

Suggested Resources:
Is This The One
Secrets Young Women Keep  (not available from New Life)
Lose It for Life

Subscribe to the NEW LIFE LIVE Podcast via iTunes or streaming audio from Stitcher, the Smart Radio App.

2018-01-26T06:20:35+00:00

6 Comments

  1. Wendy February 2, 2015 at 7:10 pm - Reply

    Hi , My daughter began looking for pornographic photos on her own around that same age. We spoke often about “body things” and I had taught her about the “birds & bees” as well, so this new behaviour confused me. I was blown away to discover later on (from her) that she had been secretly sitting on our stairway at night, watching my husband view porn and self-pleasure. That triggered her own searches at home and even at school! I since have approached the school about internet safety, and of course it exposed the purple elephant in our home. I say this not to frighten you, but to remind you of something Sheri often says: “There’s a reason for every behaviour”. I am now seeking out EMDR for my daughter. The things she saw then (she’s 15 now) keep her awake at night and because she is going through puberty now, has significantly traumatized her. I encourage you to please keep talking with your daughter! She needs your love, safety and connection more than ever! (hug!)

  2. Sandra February 3, 2015 at 8:40 am - Reply

    I’m listening to Wendy’s comments about her daughter’s weight and it is driving me crazy. I myself went from 116 to now 168 pounds. My mother, as well as others, constantly feel the need to notify me that I have gained weight, as if I don’t already know it every morning when I get up to get dressed. My weight gain is the result of stress, anger, depression, emotional pain and physical exhaustion. It infuriates me when my mother or siblings feel the need to comment on my weight or my appearance, which is a symptom of the problem and not the problem. Crazily, no one wants to address the actual problem. I would be much more receptive if they would say “Hey, what’s going on in your life?” or “Why are you struggling?” or “You look sad, what’s wrong?” Instead, I have to listen to “You gained so much weight.” or “Why have you gotten so big.” These comments make me gain more weight because they further discourage me, kill my self-esteem and beat me down. At that point, I now have the added stress of my weight and the depression gets works and then there is the anxiety that comes with every additional pound for fear that if I will gain one more and everyone will notice and everyone will comment and the cycle will repeat itself. For all those who don’t know, you don’t help people lose weight by constantly pointing out to them that they have gained weight. They already know that, every morning when they look in the mirror or have a closet full of clothes that no longer fit or every time the take a picture or avoid taking pictures and the list goes on. You are not telling them anything they don’t already know. It’s like having a big nasty pimple on your face and people keep pointing it out. The best approach is to address the problem(s) and not the symptom of the problem.

    • Lynne February 3, 2015 at 2:03 pm - Reply

      Amen Sandra, very well said and so very true.

    • Charlie November 17, 2015 at 8:44 am - Reply

      Sandra, how are you doing now? I, too, am clearly overweight and have been for twenty years. my problem is related to medical issues. After one issue was resolved, I dropped dress size, but not any weight. You are right. People don’t know what is going on inside unless they take the time to get to truly know you, whether they are family, friends, or even doctors. I would like to suggest two things. First find a doctor who understands and can help with the medical part. Second, look for a T O P S group and check them out. It’s an organization of people who have been and currently are where you are and will give you encouragement and support without shame.

      • Sandra November 17, 2015 at 1:32 pm - Reply

        Charlie, Thank you for your remarks. The last time I weighed I was 172 pounds at 5’2″, but I made a decision today (your message was perfect timing) to stop drinking soda and to begin changing my life. I have 2 small children and want to live to raise them. I have developed diabetes and have high cholesterol from my weight gain and sedentary life. This morning my blood sugar level was 155 up from 97. I used to be physically fit and had picture perfect health. Unfortunate events in my life started me on a downward spiral. It took many years of shoving cakes, cookies, and the like in my mouth before I began to ask “Why?” I live in an environment where I was manipulated into suppressing any negative emotions or reactions. By asking “Why?” and “What am I feeling, right now?” each time I crammed junk food down my throat, I learned that I was eating my anger. I cannot live my best life at 172 lbs being as short as I am. So, I’m going to check out those suggestion you made and take steps to deal with the anger I feel inside instead of eating it for another year. God bless and thank you again.

  3. Zoya DiCaprio February 3, 2015 at 9:20 am - Reply

    “Once you got EVERYTHING to heal, there wouldn’t be any issues that would make you attracted to someone else, It’s your issues that create the chemistry” – Dr. Dave Stoop

    Cool Saying Dave. love it.

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