New Life Live: February 23, 2015

Topics: DatingSelf WorthMarriageSexual IntegrityAffairsAging ParentsFriendshipSexual AbuseParentingBrain Issues 
Hosts: Steve ArterburnDr. John TownsendDr. Dave Stoop

Caller Questions:

  1. I feel like a puppet because a man pays for everything for me; how do I end things? 
  2. How do I stop my husband from spending time with another woman? 
  3. Is it OK to go against my elderly mother’s desire to seek faith healing and refuse medication? 
  4. How do I become a better friend to someone who is diagnosed with borderline personality disorder? 
  5. My father-in-law sexually abused his nieces; do I allow him to be with our kids? 
  6. Bad things keep happening to me; is it PTSD or demonic? 

Suggested Resources:
God Will Make a Way  (not available from New Life)
Boundaries in Marriage
NIV Spiritual Renewal Study Bible
How We Grow  (not available from New Life)
Should Married People Have Friends of the Opposite Sex? from

Subscribe to the NEW LIFE LIVE Podcast via iTunes or streaming audio from Stitcher, the Smart Radio App.



  1. ann February 23, 2015 at 8:45 am - Reply

    To the first caller, um ma’am this man is not going to stop giving to you as long as you’re receiving the things. I will pray for you but you have to stop accepting these things from this man and start working even if it means getting 2 or 3 jobs. You have come dependent on this man and you are using your weaknesses as an excuse and it needs to stop. Been there, done that, I know it is very convenient having things given to you and you not have to do a thing but receive them and one day boom…it back fires on us like it’s back fired on you, now you are beating yourself up for the things this man has done and what you’ve received from him. It starts with you, let your no mean NO and your yes mean YES. Get your esteem back and your self dignity, you are really worth it.

    • Pat February 23, 2015 at 7:36 pm - Reply

      I have a similar issue on a smaller level; a male friend of mine takes me to a nice concert once or twice a year. In return I will get the tickets and take him to a concert that I chose. He always remembers Christmas, and he gave me a $200 gift certificate last year. I wasn’t prepared, but had a Starbucks gift card handy, but the value was in no way comparable to his gift. Anyway, I don’t feel it’s my fault he got me such an expensive gift. A few years back he gave me a money order for $500! which was a shock. He knew my kitty had surgery so I guess he wanted to help. But I have to constantly wonder if he does this with others also. I don’t see him that often anymore but I guess good friends are hard to find and he really likes me. We are nothing more than friends and I don’t think either one of us is looking for marriage. Maybe he wants to keep me around for the future, since we both like being independent, and we can count on each other for honest advice or support about computers, Christianity, or any of the other things we have in common. It’s too bad married people are so forbidden to have friends, (like the caller today.) I think this may be why people want to stay single. It can be dangerous to have friends of the opposite sex, but also can be stifling to be married.

    • Lynne February 24, 2015 at 3:40 pm - Reply

      Amen Ann…well said. This woman is not a victim, she has helped to create this situation. I have a hard time feeling sorry for her as she continues to send mixed messages to this guy…she takes the gifts, money, trips, car, etc. but doesn’t want him in her life. Make up your mind lady…you can’t have it both ways. Listen to what the guys are telling you. You have to make hard choices but you have to take care of yourself…even if it means working 2 or 3 jobs.

  2. June February 25, 2015 at 6:14 pm - Reply

    Comment on 1st caller: stop using him financially!

    • Zee February 11, 2016 at 1:22 pm - Reply

      June; it sounds like Lori might have opened the gate for the man to see her vulnerabilities and neediness. Clearly he had an agenda. She sounds a little immature; not a character flaw. And there is definitely a guilt vibe in her description of the man and of the ‘non-relationship.’ It is sad that Lori has had 5 kids to raise on her own; but she is not the only woman/single mom with challenges and financial needs. Letting him be her ‘problem-solver’ is an teaching moment for sure. Perhaps by now her perspective has changed and she has grown from this experience. May God hear her prayers and may she call on Him with all her needs and concerns.

  3. Zee February 11, 2016 at 1:09 pm - Reply

    Lori; It’s been nearly a year since you called NLL. I hope you are doing better. Can you call the show with an update? How awful to be in a trap you helped construct (deliberately or innocently). This man has you in bondage and the stronghold can be broken by following the show’s hosts guidance. Putting God first; being counseled by the Holy Spirit and not ‘leaning on your understanding.’ Why is it that a man needs to complete you financially but not emotionally? Please know that you are not alone.

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