New Life Live: February 25, 2015

Topics: Sexual IntegrityShameAdult ChildrenParentingSelf WorthTraumaAvoiders, Marriage
Hosts: Steve ArterburnDr. Sheri Keffer

Caller Questions:

  1. The Women In the Battle Weekend was spectacular and I learned so much! 
  2. I almost had a nervous breakdown and have been estranged from my daughter and grandkids; how do I reconcile? 
  3. Should I attend my son’s graduation if my abusive ex-husband will be there? 
  4. Will EFT tapping be helpful in healing after seeing my fiancé murdered in front of me? 
  5. Can my avoider husband find help at the New Life Marriage Weekend? 

Suggested Resources:
Healing Is A Choice
7 Minute Marriage Solution
Emotionally Destructive Relationships

Subscribe to the NEW LIFE LIVE Podcast via iTunes or streaming audio from Stitcher, the Smart Radio App.



  1. Bernice February 25, 2015 at 11:04 am - Reply

    In 2013, my husband confessed to cheating for years with multiple women. Some were one night stands and others were long-term relationships. This came after a 2004 discovery of pornography use and a 2008 discovery of him chatting online and maintaining profiles on dating websites. We have been married 18 years and have 3 children together. I do not want to have our kids go thru the pain of divorce, but I am very weary with trying to recover from the daily pain of his betrayal. He has attended EMB and I have attended WITB. Sadly, last week I discovered that he is STILL being secretive. We were traveling and I found Cialis in his bag. When I confronted him about it, he admitted he had been taking them since late last year. I need help in deciding what to do with a spouse that is secretive and also has anger issues that have impacted me greatly. I feel like a shell of myself. Please help! We are both Christians and I know this isn’t behavior that should be part of a Christian marriage.

  2. Kate Nichols February 25, 2015 at 11:18 am - Reply

    I received your book Forgiving Our Parents Forgiving Ourselves, it is helping and am not done with it yet. My dad molested me from the time I was 6 years old until I was 16 years old. I have told so many people in my family that no one believed me and even now they all do not believe me. I became pregnant and my parents ended up adopting the baby that I left and went into the military. I have had two failed marriages and estranged from my two older children and l live by myself in Pittsburgh PA. What suggestions can you give me to help me? I need help

  3. ann February 25, 2015 at 12:51 pm - Reply

    To Bernice, I am sorry you are going through this with your husband, I know it is painful and something needs to be about it immediately. You must be sick and tired (literally and physically) of this. You’ve taken all the necessary measures to ensure some type of solution to this pain but your husband continues his secrets and lies. It’s time, HIGH time for you to get out of this toxic environment. I was getting ready to marry a man that was very toxic for me and to me. We were boyfriend and girlfriend, turned engaged and then all HELL broke loose. I found out about his emotional affair and confronted him, it stopped, however, I found some of the most filthiest pictures of him and other women, he had a porn collection/addiction like no other and then some. I mean I did see a few signs but when I ran across the actual evidence it made me sick. He was verbally abuse to me and sometimes things out physical. My wounds are still healing, it’s going on a year now and I am at such peace in my life and I thank God everyday for it. I had to decide to either continue living under those conditions or do something about it. I did not trust God enough to trust myself to make a move until I had no other outlet but God. I was slowly dying inside. You have to decide, it’s not easy but it’s also not fair to continue living like this. Counseling helps and having one true trusting person to talk to helps as well. I hope something I have said will help you to decide on what you need to do. I will pray for you and hope that you follow up as I will be checking to hear from you. I understand you both are Christians so show the true Christian in you and allow God to do the rest, he will not steer you wrong, trust me.

  4. ann February 25, 2015 at 1:07 pm - Reply

    To Kate, my heart goes out to you, more now because you shared what’s been holding you back and haunting you for so long. I respect you for taking the first step in saying something. Please continue the book, especially the part of “forgiving ourselves.” It starts with us. You were there and you know what happened to you, no one else does and it hurts like hell to have people think you’re lying about something so serious and painful. When I was 5 my cousin (who could do no wrong, as they thought) almost molested me, had my mother not come to the door to call me he would have done it. He made me swear not to tell but my mother knew something wasn’t right with me because I was acting strange. It took me a long time to get over what almost happened, I’m talking years. Please, I am not comparing your story to mine but my point is I did tell someone and they thought I was lying, still till this day. Please start some therapy if you haven’t already, talk to a trusting person, and trust yourself to let go and allow God to do his part. You have to get yourself together first then work on the relationship with your children. Our stories heal others and our God heals all who come to him and let him have his way. I will include you in my prayers and trust that you will decide to let this darkness go, it’s time to live now. Don’t let those who do not believe you be a discouragement any longer do what you have to do to get on with your true Godly Christian life. The possibilities are endless when you let go and let God. I am speaking from true hard core experiences and I’m one of God’s most stubborn children, seriously, I dare you to try him.

  5. ann February 26, 2015 at 8:03 am - Reply

    to the caller with the abusive husband and is in fear of attending her sons graduation. Honey, it time for you to stop living in fear of this man, and trust me, it is fear. I lived in fear and feared my Ex for far too long, he knew it and used it against me every chance he got. It was slowly killing me, I mean everyday, fear, worrying, feeling sick, getting sick, all because I was afraid to take action against this man. I didn’t have to live that way and because of fear I did. Get a restraining order on him, you need it, explain to the courts what happened and what’s going on. This man has power over you and he is loving it up. Stop, get help, you can do it. Before you leave for your sons graduation be sure to get that protection order, you have to do something and soon. This man will continue damaging you and your esteem if you let him, it’s all up to you. He’s taken up enough of your time and your life. Blessings to you.

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