New Life Live: June 5, 2012

Topics: ParentingSeparationAdult ChildrenAffairsAnger
Steve ArterburnDr. John TownsendDr. Dave Stoop
Caller Questions:

  1. Should we home school our 5yo or send to public or Christian school? 
  2. I am sleeping separately from my verbally abusive husband; what is the next step? 
  3. My 21yo stepson moved back home and my husband and I differ on boundaries. 
  4. How can I bring my wife back after she had an affair and I had rage? 

Suggested Resources:
Every Mans Bible
Boundaries in Marriage

Link to New Life Live: June 5, 2012


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  1. Donna Craven June 5, 2012 at 10:47 am - Reply

    Dear Wendy,

    I just heard your call. I have been where you are and perhaps this will help. You are STANDING for righteousness when you are taking steps to help your husband take responsibility for his actions. He is destroying the marriage, not you. You are not looking to find another man and end your marriage!!!! State your resolve clearly and do not let your words be twisted!!!

    To stand as a princess warrior to keep yourself and your children safe until your husband gets the help he needs and is FREE from the bondage of his anger and need to control, is NOT destroying a marriage, but LOVING him so much that you will not enable him to continue down a road of destruction.

    I was so afraid as well, but once I stopped trying to smooth things over and allow him to continue his abuse, God fought the battle for me. The result for us is that my husband faced the reality of what he was doing, went for help, and is now a changed man and he gives God all the glory for what has happened, and actually is so thankful to me for taking a strong stand, instead of running or cowering. It was such a tough battle, but the FREEDOM on the other side is something to cheer about every day!!

    I will pray for you Wendy!!

    • Dot June 6, 2012 at 2:30 pm - Reply

      Thank you for your letter to Wendy. It helped me to read it even before hearing the broadcast, as I was waiting for the pastor to come and help our family confront my husband.

  2. Jera Dawson June 5, 2012 at 11:37 am - Reply

    To the counselors advising this poor lady — Why did you not simply tell her to GET OUT!!!! A man who will abuse and bully and then laugh with pleasure when he finally breaks you down is inherently EVIL. I was married to such a man; and I clung to my marriage against the advice of everyone I knew. I stayed on my knees and drug him to everything I could in the way of church and counseling and he simply was not interested in changing his behavior. It finally ended in divorce – over which I felt shame for a long time, but eventually found comfort in believing that his “affair” with pornography constituted fornication on his part and gave me biblical grounds to divorce him.

    But this poor Wendy woman — when a poor defenseless animal is KILLED as the result of this evil man’s rage — should be running for her life!!!!!

    Please tell me you did additional counseling after the call that aired on the radio and got this poor woman out of this potentially deadly situation. My heart cries out for her pain!

    Most sincerely,

    Jera L. Dawson

  3. Pat June 5, 2012 at 9:24 pm - Reply

    He is evil and she is intimidated therefore letting him continue to be evil. Wendy’s husband sounds sociopathic in everything he does. She even sounds intimidated to talk on the phone as if she is under his control. As an animal lover and supporter of the ASPCA, and Humane Society, I would not hesitate for 1 second to turn him in. He uses anger to get anything he wants and he is worse than an overgrown Dennis the Menace. Ideally I’d like to see him put in a non-padded concrete cell by himself.

  4. Robin June 6, 2012 at 1:15 pm - Reply

    I too am in an abusive relationship, mainly verbal. We are both going to therapy as it is needed. My fiance’ is not letting go of a serious pain and hurt from his childhood and it’s festered into something ugly. I can only take but so much and I really am not sure of the fate of our relationship, however, I need to make sure we get the help that’s needed to get to the root of this. In the meantime, things are peaceful, but I blame myself for allowing things to get to this point. I never took action before until now. I understand what she’s going through but if she does not take action and doing something to save herself and her kids, it will get uglier. She’s allowed enough to happen, today is a new day. I will pray for her and her strength to take action.

  5. Bella June 11, 2012 at 2:09 pm - Reply

    Women need to set the bar clearly and upfront. This is advice to any woman out there looking for/wanting/praying for a husband or boyfriend. Don’t get caught up in romance before you make it CRYSTAL clear what you will and will not accept, and what will be the consequences if he crosses the line. Then if he ends up crossing the line, YOU have to have the COURAGE to keep your word and ssue the consequence the very FIRST time it happens. You have to TRAIN people how to treat you from the very BEGINNING.

    Think about it. A man gets away with slapping you around, but guess what? He won’t dare try it even ONCE on his boss or his pastor, or a school teacher. Why? Because he knows that there are CONSEQUENCES. With you, he knows you’re weak and afraid and he has to pay no consquences. So, he gets to have his fun and do what he wants. Too many women let this stuff happen to them and their kids. They protect the abuser and keep his secrets. They lie that the handprint on the face is a result of them falling over a child’s toy. All of this tells a man that it is OKAY to abuse you.

    I once heard a woman say:

    The first time is an ACCIDENT.
    The second time is PRACTICE.
    The third time is A HABIT.

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