New Life Live: June 5, 2014

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Topics: AffairsMarriageNarcissistsDepressionPornographyTrust
Hosts: Steve ArterburnDr. Dave StoopMilan Yerkovich

Caller Questions:

  1. I had an affair 3 years ago; how do I tell my husband? 
  2. My denial of being a narcissist is affecting my marriage. 
  3. Do you think antidepressants affect my ability to be a missionary? 
  4. My husband said he dealt with his porn; can I trust him while he is living 4hrs away? 

Suggested Resources:
How We Love
Forgiving the Unforgivable
Healing Is a Choice
7 Minute Marriage Solution

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Comments

  1. Family_Man says:

    This constant harping that the men are the problem and women are just blameless wears thin.

    • I think this is because men usually let women do the relationship work, while men usually don’t have a clue. If you have listened the show for any time, the dominant topic is usually women calling about men unaware of the level of connectedness, eventually taking the easy way out, which is to go out, lie to women, and have affairs.

  2. It is rare for me to disagree with the advice given, but I think I would advise the first caller to not confess her past infidelity to her husband. There is no way to know in advance how he will react. It will forever mar his view of her and his marriage. It will most likely seriously damage what he doesn’t see as damaged. (I am speaking from experience). This dear caller should get before the Lord and confess her sin once and for all. She should know the Lord forgives her completely, even to the point of remembering NO MORE. Let this sweet knowledge cause her to strive till the end of her life, to be the sweetest, most honorable and loving wife possible. Let the dirt stay buried. Love your husband despite your fall. DO NOT tell him. “Go and sin no more” and may you love the Lord all the more seeing how greatly you’ve been forgiven.

  3. Marii Reyes says:

    My husband and I have been married for 20 years and he has committed adultery during this time 8-9 times. WE have been serving the Lord for 8 years, he has over come addiction of drugs and alcohol, but not adultery.
    This has cause great damage in me, I am very insecure and really want out of this marriage but don’t have the courage to leave. We both come from VERY broken families. We have 4 boys 18-24 years of age, He really has improved in many areas but adultery; he is still committing.

  4. Marii Reyes, thanks for sharing this, may I please say until you do something the adultery will continue, not sure how much more you can take but it seems you’ve been taking it for a long time and your husband is using that as a welcome mat to continuing his affairs. I pray that you look deep in your heart and spirit and be honest with yourself are you worth him continuing to do this to you? God did not plan for us to be used in such a disrespectful manner, yes, we all have our faults and have failed many times but please pray for the strength that you need to get out and to get help. Please do not be deceived by the other areas of which he has improved–he’s got a much longer way to go and it shouldn’t be at the expense of your dignity or respect. Being unhappy causes so many other issues, trust me, I know. I had to make a drastic move and seriously trust God to do the rest, it took a while but GOD truly prevailed. He’ll do it for you too!

    • I agree. She probably had hope that he would grow and get stronger, but he went backward, as alcoholics and drug users do, since their basic belief is to escape, not face reality, and that is a big red flag for their future. And men who have been abusive to themselves, certainly aren’t going to place others on a pedestal. Abuse is abuse, smoking, addictions, affairs, it’s all abuse and used for their means of escape, so why should anyone believe they have changed?

  5. First of all thank’s new life tv.

  6. No Dr. Stoop! Narcissists do not grow, they do not learn, the capability to reach inside themselves and do so is long gone! Matt is not a true NPD. If he were, he absolutely would not be calling for help. People with real narcissistic disorder do not have the resources within to admit to wrong and reach out for help, unless of course, it’s for the purpose of tricking the spouse into thinking “oh, he called the show for help, so at least he’s trying.” They will employ any trick or lie in creation to regain control and take advantage of those around them. But if Matt is being honest and humble with this call, then he may have extreme issues with connecting, but he is not an NPD.

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