New Life Live: March 26, 2012

Topics: Divorce, Dating, Sexual Integrity
Hosts: Steve Arterburn, Dr. Sheri Denham, Milan Yerkovich
Caller Questions:

  1. Is my pending divorce biblical? My husband keeps using Scriptures against it.
  2. Should I continue a long-distance relationship since my boyfriend moved 4mos ago?
  3. I am in Celebrate Recovery for sexual integrity; do I need to see a counselor?

Suggested Resources:
Changes That Heal
How We Love


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  1. Bob Engle March 27, 2012 at 8:11 am - Reply

    To Laurie, the first caller:

    It seems to me the hosts weren’t really listening to you, you’ve done everything they suggested in the last two years but they talked right over you when you shared that with them. I feel the torment you have experienced, I had a father very much like your husband. I’ve seen my mother go through experiences like yours, verbal and mental abuse, walking on eggshells constantly in case she said the wrong thing, and have been subjected to the same things myself. By the time he died, I had lost the love for my father I should have felt, and it was because of him, not me. And he was also a very fundamentalist born again Christian.

    Don’t let people put the blame on you, you’ve been trying to help your marriage for the last two years and he refuses to participate. Its always struck me as strange that if he was a non-believer, you could get a divorce with God’s blessing. But since he’s a “believer” you have to stay attached to him forever, always under his abusive control? Is that what God wants? I don’t think so. There are a lot of “commandments” in the Bible that nobody in our day would ever consider following anymore. Even Jesus showed how out of touch some of them were, for example, the woman taken in adultery. Now people cling rigidly to things he said. Many people today think Jesus was so adamant about no divorce in order to protect the women of his time. Women now have equal rights to men in our country, a far different situation than when Jesus lived.

    The hosts really put the burden on you, and that last martyr story Steve told was really a guilt trip laid on you wasn’t it? I think your gut is telling you the right thing to do, cut ties with this pathetic excuse for a husband and start a new life for yourself, with your share of the money you deserve for putting up with this man for all these years..

    • Ken Ruggiero March 27, 2012 at 11:47 am - Reply

      I love this show but I thought that the given advice was criminal. What I heard was that you were in a 40 some year abusive marriage that included a two year period at which you attempted to make things right and your husband rewards you by threatening to cut you off from your own money and the only way for you to legaly stop him is to divorce.

      I do not take divorce lightly but their advice was just plain wrong

  2. sonsofthunder March 28, 2012 at 9:55 am - Reply

    I am struggling as to why a Bible based ministry such as New Life would give Joyce Meyer a prophesed prosperity minister (unbiblical) an entire hour to discuss her new book, which most likely is the same theme as all of her books. The word of the Lord and his word only should be shared, not someones personal and misleading views of scripture.

  3. Jen March 29, 2012 at 5:39 pm - Reply

    I agree, sonsofthunder. It’s very disconcerting to me.

  4. Alexandra April 2, 2012 at 1:04 am - Reply

    I too was amazed at the cold response to Laurie on this episode. What I heard from the New Life counselors was such a fear-filled, stiff, cookie-cutter response to the issue of divorce.

    I am so sorry that so many Christians do not have the capacity to be with those who suffer abuse within the confines of “Christian” marriage. I understand that divorce is never a solution for most marital issues. That marriage is sacred & for better or worse. That someone should never resort to a divorce simply because they are unhappy or can’t resolve a conflict. But when one spouse is perpetually sinning against the other unrepentantly, abusing them, lying to them, manipulating & controlling them, despite counseling & the other’s attempts to confront & reconcile, I believe that we can refer to Matthew 18:15-17 ESV…

    “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.”

    This clearly states that they (the abusive spouses) are to be as a Gentiles, or more plainly NON-Christians. With this understanding, I believe that Laurie is well within the Biblical grounds for divorce. As are other women who suffer constant, unrepentant, emotional, physical & psychological abuse.

  5. Alexandra May 21, 2012 at 10:33 am - Reply

    Laurie, here are some more resources for you if you are still searching….

    Growing Through Divorce by Jim Smoke:

    Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible: The Social and Literary Context by David Instone-Brewer:

    I also like what Willard says in this really short article:

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