New Life Live: October 6, 2014

Topics: Difficult ConversationsBoundariesCuttingTeensRejectionMarriage 
Hosts: Steve ArterburnDr. Jill HubbardMilan Yerkovich

Caller Questions:

  1. How should we approach a family member crashing my dad’s party and stealing food?
  2. Why is my 15yo daughter still cutting after getting tools to help her? 
  3. I can handle rejection from people, but not from potential employers; what can I do? 
  4. How do I reconnect with my wife after she walked out on our 40yr marriage? 

Suggested Resources:
How To Have That Difficult Conversation
Changes That Heal
How We Love

Subscribe to the NEW LIFE LIVE Podcast via iTunes or streaming audio from Stitcher, the Smart Radio App.



  1. Anonymous October 8, 2014 at 6:04 am - Reply

    Please leave me annonymous. I have an alcoholic son who is in a relationship with a lovely young lady. They have 4 daughters, yours, mine, and ours, age 7 down to 11 months. They are both working now but the house is an absolute disaster. He does nothing to help. She tries to stay on top of it, but sometimes sits down on the job as well. I was asked to babysit yesterday and the house was worse than I have ever seen it. I told the older girls they needed to step up and help unless they wanted to go live with someone else. I gave a warning to Momma that unless the house improved If someone said anything to DFS they were in danger of losing their girls. Now her mom is up in arms. Was I wrong to say anything? I have pitched in and helped and helped and it never seems to do any good. I love them very much and would never want them to go through the agony of having children removed from their home. I have had that happen to me and a daughter had that happen for less than what I saw at their house yesterday. I am afraid I have totally alienated them completely. I don’t want to do that. As a result I am very depressed over the state of affairs. I love my children very much and want to help, but know that sometimes you can’t do a whole lot. Was I wrong? What can I do now? In addition, my husband in the past was accused and convicted of being a “sex offender” because we tried to help a young girl. He served his time and now we live a fairly isolated life because of this. He is a Vietnam vet with PTSD and practically will not even leave the house now. We wound up having to declare bankruptcy and are slowly trying to put our lives back together. Sometimes it just gets to be too overwhelming trying to be the strong shoulder for everyone to lean on!

  2. AK October 8, 2014 at 8:21 am - Reply

    The story of Leanne and her 15 year daughter speaks volumes within my heart – it almost describes my childhood life to a tee with the weight issue, the bullying, and the cutting. But I would like to be an encouragement to her daughter. I too was bullied every day during school from 2nd-12th grade for being overweight and also cut.
    It does bother me a little that the church is all involved (a few is fine), that everyone knows she’s a cutter and doesn’t treat the daughter as a “normal” child, but rather see her as someone with ‘issues’. One thing that the daughter needs to do, if she hasn’t already, is to set up a support system ON HER OWN. She needs to choose her own friends & people in which she can call/text whenever she needs to. Someone who will truly listen to her for who she is inside, not by the cuts on the outside.
    I learned from my church to hide my emotions behind masks, because people didn’t know what to say when I would talk about cutting. I also learned to be a people pleaser. At my church, people would open up their homes, hoping that I would open up and I did, to an extent. But I never really felt that connection to them, always feeling different & insecure around them and very alone inside, which led to more cutting.
    Enter this present time: I am now a recovering cutter, having been blessed by a few faithful friends that came together to do an intervention and sent me to an intensive inpatient program. At first I didn’t want to go, but now I’m glad I did. I tell you these things because there is hope. I can tell you that you’re not alone, that you’re not the only one that struggles with this til I’m blue in the face, but things won’t change til you start CHOOSING to believe that you are worth more than your cutting/food. It’s not an easy choice to give up something that makes you feel alive inside, and the journey there is tough, but it’s do-able. I pray that you will have the strength to make that choice.
    While I am still overweight and struggle with it daily, it’s when I started truly seeking God instead of people, He helped me and continues to help me. And yes, I still have thoughts of cutting, and some days I get pretty close to doing it again, but I CHOOSE not to.

  3. Pat October 8, 2014 at 7:33 pm - Reply

    I would hope Eric doesn’t think he is a problem. I’ve been accused by an old employer’s husband, of tearing a door off a wall, just as an excuse to tell others (at unemployment.) The accusation was so outrageous and nothing could be further from the truth. I have felt rejection from others expect too much too fast, too soon. I take my sweet time and do things right-at least at first when learning something new. Over the years there have been only a handful of people who understand this. Most people don’t understand it and are impatient and I have felt rejection because of other’s impatience. I wonder if this is what Eric has experienced. I have learned over the years that people who do things fast, only think they learn fast really do not learn that well and make mistakes.

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