New Life Live: September 10, 2013

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Topics: PornographyMarriageCodependencySiblings
Hosts: Steve ArterburnDr. Jill Hubbard
Caller Questions:

  1. My wife found out I stumbled when I was off porn; how can we repair our marriage? 
  2. We have been married a year; is our 18yr age difference affecting our marriage? 
  3. Am I acting codependent or Christian with my brother? 

Suggested Resources:
Secrets Women Keep
7 Minute Marriage Solution
7 Minute Marriage Solution Devotional Bible

Subscribe to the NEW LIFE LIVE Podcast via iTunes or streaming audio from Stitcher, the Smart Radio App.

Comments

  1. Canda Stewart says:

    Your wisdom is priceless…and it all came from your love and dedication to the Lord. Boundaries has been so helpful to me, although I fail to use them properly at times, but now I know how I could have changed situations and relationships. Thanks so much.

  2. I just wanted to respond to the guy (Mike…I think that was his name) who was 52 and married a 34 year old woman. He said she wanted to have children and he didn’t because of his age? When I heard this….I thought….this is/was my life. I married a man 13 years older than me. He had children from previous marriages. He would say “he” did everything for me to have a child. He got a vasectomy reversal (which didn’t work) and did IVF (and I lost the baby). I could tell his heart wasn’t in it all along. I just want to say he was like Mike in wanting to “release” me from the marriage to find someone else so I could have a baby. My desire to have children is/was so great. Now, here I am almost 47 years old and live with sooooo much regret in not having children…..and I have been separated from my husband for almost 3 years now. I would encourage Mike to do whatever it takes to make his wife’s dreams come true and to put away his desires. I totally agree with Steve on this.

  3. Sorry, something didn’t work with my comment. Ginger, Thanks for the insight. I’m kind of a “wilderness Hayseed and don’t know what an IVF is. I am looking for alternatives to the situation and my vasecomy was in 1987, 26 years ago. The question is ” Are/were there alternatives that would have satisfied your craving i.e. foster parenting, adoption, etc. or is the desire to carry the baby and the whole gammet the issue. I don’t make much $. 30k max and a reversal along with the other med costs these days seem scary. We are struggling with giving that all up to God. When I mentioned that she had read “Is this the One” I did not mention that her issue was that maybe we should have dated the 10-20 other people. Thus my decision/indecision on releasing her. I look forward to another woman’s insight and thank you so much for listening and commenting on my/our situation.

    • Mike,
      IVF is InVitro Fertilization (where you retrieve the woman’s eggs and aspirate semen (they use a needle in the man’s scrotum?) and use a needle like instrument to inject the woman’s eggs with the sperm. This is done in the hospital and when they mature they implant them back into the woman. This is very expensive and I totally understand your financial dilemia (because my husband has been self employed his whole life and we don’t make much money either). I just happened to have a little bit of inheritance money that we used on the vasectomy reversal and a friend loaned us the money for the IVF.

      To answer your questions, I know, in my heart of hearts, that I was meant to be a mother and to give birth to my own children (I am totally healthy to have my own). My friends would always ask me about adoption and my response would be….we don’t have that kind of money and if I did…I would go through IVF again to have my own children first. I wanted to feel what it was like to be pregnant and go through the whole process. God honored my request, and allowed me to experience pregnancy and the miracle of my pregnancy. It just ended the wrong way. Anyway, if I had to do it all over again, (and I was with my husband….) I would first of all try AI (Artificial Insemenation. This is where you go to your doctor and you use your husband’s sperm or a donor’s sperm and the doctor….for lack of better words….uses a pipette thing to release sperm into a woman’s uterus. I did this after my IVF with donor sperm. I think the donor sperm had been frozen too long or something…..never did have success. I think had I used my husband”s aspirated sperm FIRST….that could have worked and would have been significantly cheaper. I would first go to a fertility specialist first….and just get general information and options. Do it now….because I was 37 yrs. old when I got pregnant and lost our baby. After a woman is 35, her chances of getting pregnant decrease significantly and the chance of miscarriage is great. I still yearn to have children at my age (46 yrs. old). I can’t even begin to tell you how much I HATE going to TARGET and places like that. It is excruciating for women who want to have children and these places are the worst! As far as the books you have been reading, I should have read them and went on 20+ dates too but that didn’t happen….so here we are. My husband said he would release me from our marriage….even though he made a commitment to me and God….so that I could go find a man who loved me and whom I could have a child with. I guess I just really wished he had stepped up to the plate. Granted….he “went through the motions” to try to give me a child….but I never felt his heart was in it and that makes me really sad. For what it’s worth….I raised his kids (along with his ex) and it was not a good relationship. I always thought that if his kids starting have children…..it would REALLY crush me…..My husband would be all “goo goo” over his own grandchildren and not care enough for us to have a child. I still dread the day they have children (and we have a better relationship now). All I can say is….love your wife enough to do whatever it takes to try to have children….be all in it with her…..and start NOW. I hope this helps you. Let me know if I can answer any more questions. Ginger

  4. Mike,
    2 examples…one husband stated he would divorce her if she got pregnant. She did anyway & he loved his son. However, the husband died suddenly leaving her alone to care for the child.

    2nd ex: He had did not want kids…she got pregnant & they would not work it out. They divorced & the child had to live w/separate parents.

    Steve is the exception to the rule. Most men after age 50 don’t want to start another family. And yes contrary to what Steve says 50 is not the new 30 its 50!!!

    Pray & make the best decision for YOUR marriage. btw…this is not Biblical grounds for divorce.

    Ginger… I do so hope you will reconcile with your husband. When Hannah was weeping & wanting a child her husband asked was he not enough? I know so many couples Ginger where their children have literally torn their hearts out! Having volunteered w/a ministry for abused children there are so many ministries that would love someone like you Ginger to volunteer your time w/the kids.

    • Thanks Sue. My husband and I have more issues than the “childlessness” issue. And….sadly, I don’t think he’s enough. He’s a great person and we are great friends and that is it. We should have never married and just remained best friends. But….it is what it is.

      I agree with you regarding working with children. I have been a substitute teacher for many years. I love these kids. It is hard, however, to come back home to a childless home.

  5. I listen to Newlife.com for years at work on 1160 a.m. in Chicago
    God bless your ministry.

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