Letting Go of Bitter Resentment

Letting Go of  Bitter Resentment
If you are having a hard time releasing a resentment or grieving a loss, there is an answer. It takes work, but there are a few steps you can take to upgrade your life by finding forgiveness and letting go of bitterness that is weighing you down. Click below to watch.
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Ten Reasons You should Attend our Healing is a Choice Workshop

If you have been thinking about attending our Healing is a Choice Workshop we wanted to give you a few more reasons to think about.

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1. If you can’t figure out what is not working in your life and you are losing hope.

2. If you are stuck in a situation or relationship, have tried everything and nothing is helping.

3. If you want to transform your brokenness into a real life mission.

4. If you have had angry outbursts and feel out of control. Discover why you are angry and what you can do about it.

5. If you have experienced grief over a tremendous loss (death of a loved one, abortion, job loss, financial loss) and  feel like you’ll never recover.

6. Is your life crippled by fear? If you feel anxious and are unable to find relief, if you want to break free from the “what ifs”.

7. If you have experienced abuse or neglect and are unable to fully heal. If you want to begin to peel the onion of unforgiveness and set your heart free.

8. If you want to break free from your shame and guilt, become fully alive and experience God’s grace!

9. If you feel like your dreams get derailed? Sometimes a pattern of attitudes, habits or relationships won’t allow you to move forward.

10.  If you disappointed with God, feel let down and would you like to move forward?

Here’s what Wendy had to say about her Healing is a Choice experience.

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More testimonies . . . 

When Tragedy Strikes

When Tragedy Strikes

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. - Psalm 46:1, 11

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Knowing how to respond to tragedy is never easy.  Maybe it’s the terrible sense of loss you feel.  Perhaps it’s the desire to know why the tragic event happened that leaves you feeling alienated and alone.  Was it something you did?  Was it someone else’s fault?  Why did God allow it to happen?  These questions usually go unanswered because ‘Why?’ is almost always the wrong question.

Remember Job?  The Bible tells us Job was a godly man.  Yet, he lost everything . . . his wealth, family, and his health.  Why did all of this happen, especially to such a good man?  When you read the story of Job, you’ll discover his suffering was the result of spiritual warfare.  Yet, Job didn’t know this.  His friends accused him of secret sin.  And as time passed Job grew increasingly upset and confused, he even began to question God’s sense of justice.

In the end, however, Job’s arguments were silenced before God.  While God never explained fully to Job why the disasters had befallen him, he did bring Job to a place of humble surrender.  This increased Job’s understanding of God and gave him the proper perspective to continue life.  Neither Job nor any other man who has suffered a serious loss can ever fully understand why a catastrophe has happened.  But if you’re willing to seek God and surrender your life  and your situation into his powerful hands, he’ll do a work in you and through you that will restore your spirit and bring Him honor and glory.

Tears are often the telescope by which men see far into heaven. – Henry Ward Beecher

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved. - Helen Keller

New Life Live: May 8, 2013

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Topics: AffairsDivorceAdoptionControllerGriefPornographySexual IntegrityParent Issues
Hosts: Steve ArterburnDr. John TownsendDr. Dave Stoop
Caller Questions:

  1. My husband had an affair; can I divorce him biblically? 
  2. At what age do I tell our grandbaby his aunt is his mom and his mom is his aunt? 
  3. My wife says I control her and should help with the kids. 
  4. How can I help families who are grieving over the loss of a child? 
  5. My husband is into porn; is it my fault? 
  6. Should my 52yo daughter stop having a relationship with her horrible father? 

Suggested Resources:
Healing Is A Choice
How We Love
Every Heart Restored
Forgiving Our Parents

Subscribe to the NEW LIFE LIVE Podcast via iTunes or streaming audio from Stitcher, the Smart Radio App.

New Life Live: April 26, 2011

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Hosts:
Steve Arterburn, Dr. Jill Hubbard, Milan Yerkovich

Discussion Topics:
Grief, getting unstuck, marriage, adult children, sexual integrity.

Caller Questions:
1. How do I get back my joy after loss and disability?
2. I can’t move on after my recent divorce from an abusive marriage.
3. My marriage is on the rocks; what should I do?
4. Should I intervene? My 19yo daughter is living with a 33yo married man.
5. My husband attended Every Man’s Battle 2yrs ago but he didn’t follow up with it.

Suggested Resources:
Healing Is a Choice
How We Love
Grief CD

New Life Live: March 10, 2011

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Hosts:
Steve Arterburn, Dr. Jill Hubbard, Milan Yerkovich

Discussion Topics:
Marriage, grief, self worth and confidence.

Caller Questions:
1. My ex wants to leave her new husband and reconcile; good idea?
2. Should I grieve the loss of never having kids?
3. My 16yo husband won’t stop talking about his previous girlfriends.
4. I lost desire for sexual intimacy with my husband.
5. Should I confront a friend of the family who is lying?

Suggested Resources:
How We Love
healing Is a Choice
Better Than Ever

Understanding Depression

Why am I so depressed? Why this turmoil within me? Put your hope in God, for I will still praise Him, my Savior and my God.
PSALM 42:11 HCSB

The sadness that accompanies any significant loss is an inevitable fact of life. In time, sadness runs its course and gradually abates. Depression, on the other hand, is a physical and emotional condition that is, in almost all cases, treatable with medication and counseling. Depression is not a disease to be taken lightly. Left untreated, it presents real dangers to patients’ physical health and to their emotional well-being.

If you find yourself feeling “blue,” perhaps it’s a logical reaction to the ups and downs of daily life. But if your feelings of sadness have gone on longer than you think they should—or if someone close to you fears that your sadness may have evolved into clinical depression—it’s time to seek professional help.

Some days are light and happy, and some days are not. When we face the inevitable dark days of life, we must choose how we will respond. Will we allow ourselves to sink even more deeply into our own sadness, or will we do the difficult work of pulling ourselves out? We bring light to the dark days of life by turning first to God, and then to trusted family members, friends, and medical professionals. When we do, the clouds will eventually part, and the sun will shine once more upon our souls.

Emotions we have not poured out in the safe hands of God can turn into feelings of hopelessness and depression. God is safe. ~Beth Moore

Self blame over the past leads to depression in the present and poor decisions for the future.   ~Barbara Johnson

Feelings of uselessness and hopelessness are not from God, but from the evil one, the devil, who wants to discourage you and thwart your effectiveness for the Lord.   ~Bill Bright

Don’t let aridity distress you: perfection has nothing to do with such things—only with virtues. Your devotion will come back when you are least expecting it.   ~St. Teresa Of Avila

TODAY’S PRAYER
Dear Lord, You have promised to lift me up from the pit of my despair, and You have promised to place a new song on my lips.  If the darkness envelops me, Father, remind me of those promises. And give me the wisdom to accept help from the people You have placed along my path. Amen

Powerlessness And How It Can Help You

Most of us hate feeling powerless and indeed, it is not very good for us especially for extended periods of time. It can lead to depression, anxiety, outbursts of anger, alienation from others, physical symptoms and, in it’s trauma form, it can lead to the symptoms of Post traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD (e.g. nightmares, flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, and loss of concentration or memory to name a few)

Sometimes powerlessness comes from circumstances we have little or no control over. Other times it comes from the consequences of our actions. The latter can be even more frustrating because we may say, “I could have done something different”. We ruminate and replay the situation over and over. This can be helpful if we can process it into lessons learned, insight, awareness about others, or ourselves and character growth.

It is interesting to note that sometimes powerlessness can be very powerful. When Jesus surrenders to the cross, His powerlessness redeems the whole world. This is illustrated, again, in the fictional Star Wars movie were Obe Wan allows himself to be slain by Darth Vader only to come back as a ghost to aid Luke in fighting the Empire. The Apostle Paul talks about his powerlessness with an affliction he has and how it helps him grow and be empowered. Joseph’s powerlessness in the Old Testament is the seed for his rise to power in the house of Pharaoh. Despite his brother’s plot against him, he is faithful and God sends him before his family to redeem them in their day of need. After they realize that the brother they sold into slavery is now in power over them, the brothers hear him say “You meant it for evil but God meant it for good”

Dealing with powerlessness is a tricky matter sometimes.

First we must realize that powerlessness in not necessarily, hopelessness.
Powerlessness may just mean you are not in control right now.

Second, it is important to admit our powerlessness to God and others.
This gets us out of the way sometimes and allows God to work in areas where we do not have the ability or opportunity to change things. Telling others about our powerlessness can be a request to help with need and, as a part of that, a place to get emotional support through listening, different perspective, advice, shared troubles/grief and accountability to change course as well as giving us structure.

Third, deal with powerlessness by processing it.
Write down what you are feeling and thinking, what you believe about yourself, the situation, what you may have done that contributed to the situation, what others may have contributed to the situation and what is purely circumstantial. Try to avoid “All or Nothing” thinking. The “All Is Lost” mentality is not very helpful. Slowing things down and evaluating the situation is usually better in the short and long run. Nehemiah puts this into action when he feels powerless at first to deal with greedy nobles who are loan sharking their fellow Hebrews right back into slavery. He slows down his anger and brings the nobles to task.

Fourth, after the initial shock wears off, try seeing where the processing leads you.
What does it tell you about the situation, yourself, others involved, your motives, your priorities, lessons learned, and how you can grow from it.

Over all powerlessness is not something to be desired but it is, essentially, unavoidable in life. How we deal with it and use it to grow and move closer to God and others is the key.

The Secrets Of God And Men

Steve Arterburn

Secrets aren’t necessarily a bad thing. If they were, God wouldn’t have them. Yet Scripture tells us that God keeps some things completely to himself. The Bible calls these the ‘secret things’ of God. But if it’s acceptable for God to keep secrets, why isn’t it completely acceptable for us men to do likewise?

 

One key difference between God’s secrets and ours lies in the area of motive. Being perfect and pure, God has reasons for keeping secrets that reflect His flawless character. Fallen men, on the other hand, are neither perfect nor pure. Therefore, a man’s motives for keeping secrets are suspect.

 

The bottom line is this, and every man knows it: most of your secrets are kept out of fear’fear of embarrassment, shame, guilt, loss of respect, loss of stature and favor, repercussions, reparations, and so on. In other words, men usually keep secrets for all the wrong reasons. Understandable reasons perhaps, but wrong nonetheless.

 

Beyond being wrong, your secrets are also destructive. They divide you against yourself. They cause isolation and lack of honesty in your relationships with others. And finally, they provide the context in which sin thrives.

 

By way of contrast, exposing secrets to the light of truth robs them of their power to hold and harm you. It fosters humility, creates accountability, and allows you to be restored by the grace and love of God and your loved ones. Men, honesty truly is the best policy.   

Coping Without Father

Stephen Arterburn

Beneath the surface of many strong, seemingly together, male exteriors are frightened little boys who are still desperately searching for affirmation and validation as a man. If we’re going to be honest, we should admit that’s where a lot of men live today. Many of us are unsure of how to carry off the masculine role, so we hide our fears behind masks of strength because that’s what our fathers did. But when the fa’ade is threatened on the job or at home, the cornered little boy lashes out in anger.

Whether it’s due to divorce, addiction, overwork, or the widespread crisis of fathers who’ve abdicated their roles to others, many of us have, in a very real way, lost our fathers. That’s the source of a great deal of confusion, fear, and anger many of us feel.

If we’re to move forward and experience the redemptive possibilities of God in the future, we must face up to our past. As with any loss in life, a man who experiences a sense of loss in his relationship with his father must grieve. Without proper, healthy grieving the inner hurt is like an open sore’vulnerable to repeated pain and infection, and detrimental to future health.

And the greatest asset a hurting, angry man can have in this situation is a faithful, loving friend. That is, another man who’ll understand him and stand with him as he, with God’s help, rediscovers his masculinity.