- My husband had an affair; can I divorce him biblically?
- At what age do I tell our grandbaby his aunt is his mom and his mom is his aunt?
- My wife says I control her and should help with the kids.
- How can I help families who are grieving over the loss of a child?
- My husband is into porn; is it my fault?
- Should my 52yo daughter stop having a relationship with her horrible father?
Steve Arterburn, Dr. Jill Hubbard, Milan Yerkovich
Grief, getting unstuck, marriage, adult children, sexual integrity.
1. How do I get back my joy after loss and disability?
2. I can’t move on after my recent divorce from an abusive marriage.
3. My marriage is on the rocks; what should I do?
4. Should I intervene? My 19yo daughter is living with a 33yo married man.
5. My husband attended Every Man’s Battle 2yrs ago but he didn’t follow up with it.
Steve Arterburn, Dr. Jill Hubbard, Milan Yerkovich
Marriage, grief, self worth and confidence.
1. My ex wants to leave her new husband and reconcile; good idea?
2. Should I grieve the loss of never having kids?
3. My 16yo husband won’t stop talking about his previous girlfriends.
4. I lost desire for sexual intimacy with my husband.
5. Should I confront a friend of the family who is lying?
Steve Arterburn, Dr. Sheri Denham, Milan Yerkovich
Marriage, forgiveness, dating, weight loss, sexual integrity.
1. How many times should I accept my angry husband’s apologies?
2. Should I stay with my therapist or should I go with a new one?
3. How does a 54-yr-old date again after an 8-yr relationship?
4. Testimony from attending Lose It for Life.
5. Should I try to save my marriage after my affairs while separated?
6. Interview with Carey Casey, CEO of National Center for Fathering (fathers.com).
Why am I so depressed? Why this turmoil within me? Put your hope in God, for I will still praise Him, my Savior and my God.
PSALM 42:11 HCSB
The sadness that accompanies any significant loss is an inevitable fact of life. In time, sadness runs its course and gradually abates. Depression, on the other hand, is a physical and emotional condition that is, in almost all cases, treatable with medication and counseling. Depression is not a disease to be taken lightly. Left untreated, it presents real dangers to patients’ physical health and to their emotional well-being.
If you find yourself feeling “blue,” perhaps it’s a logical reaction to the ups and downs of daily life. But if your feelings of sadness have gone on longer than you think they should—or if someone close to you fears that your sadness may have evolved into clinical depression—it’s time to seek professional help.
Some days are light and happy, and some days are not. When we face the inevitable dark days of life, we must choose how we will respond. Will we allow ourselves to sink even more deeply into our own sadness, or will we do the difficult work of pulling ourselves out? We bring light to the dark days of life by turning first to God, and then to trusted family members, friends, and medical professionals. When we do, the clouds will eventually part, and the sun will shine once more upon our souls.
Emotions we have not poured out in the safe hands of God can turn into feelings of hopelessness and depression. God is safe. ~Beth Moore
Self blame over the past leads to depression in the present and poor decisions for the future. ~Barbara Johnson
Feelings of uselessness and hopelessness are not from God, but from the evil one, the devil, who wants to discourage you and thwart your effectiveness for the Lord. ~Bill Bright
Don’t let aridity distress you: perfection has nothing to do with such things—only with virtues. Your devotion will come back when you are least expecting it. ~St. Teresa Of Avila
Dear Lord, You have promised to lift me up from the pit of my despair, and You have promised to place a new song on my lips. If the darkness envelops me, Father, remind me of those promises. And give me the wisdom to accept help from the people You have placed along my path. Amen
Most of us hate feeling powerless and indeed, it is not very good for us especially for extended periods of time. It can lead to depression, anxiety, outbursts of anger, alienation from others, physical symptoms and, in it’s trauma form, it can lead to the symptoms of Post traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD (e.g. nightmares, flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, and loss of concentration or memory to name a few)
Sometimes powerlessness comes from circumstances we have little or no control over. Other times it comes from the consequences of our actions. The latter can be even more frustrating because we may say, “I could have done something different”. We ruminate and replay the situation over and over. This can be helpful if we can process it into lessons learned, insight, awareness about others, or ourselves and character growth.
It is interesting to note that sometimes powerlessness can be very powerful. When Jesus surrenders to the cross, His powerlessness redeems the whole world. This is illustrated, again, in the fictional Star Wars movie were Obe Wan allows himself to be slain by Darth Vader only to come back as a ghost to aid Luke in fighting the Empire. The Apostle Paul talks about his powerlessness with an affliction he has and how it helps him grow and be empowered. Joseph’s powerlessness in the Old Testament is the seed for his rise to power in the house of Pharaoh. Despite his brother’s plot against him, he is faithful and God sends him before his family to redeem them in their day of need. After they realize that the brother they sold into slavery is now in power over them, the brothers hear him say “You meant it for evil but God meant it for good”
Dealing with powerlessness is a tricky matter sometimes.
First we must realize that powerlessness in not necessarily, hopelessness.
Powerlessness may just mean you are not in control right now.
Second, it is important to admit our powerlessness to God and others.
This gets us out of the way sometimes and allows God to work in areas where we do not have the ability or opportunity to change things. Telling others about our powerlessness can be a request to help with need and, as a part of that, a place to get emotional support through listening, different perspective, advice, shared troubles/grief and accountability to change course as well as giving us structure.
Third, deal with powerlessness by processing it.
Write down what you are feeling and thinking, what you believe about yourself, the situation, what you may have done that contributed to the situation, what others may have contributed to the situation and what is purely circumstantial. Try to avoid “All or Nothing” thinking. The “All Is Lost” mentality is not very helpful. Slowing things down and evaluating the situation is usually better in the short and long run. Nehemiah puts this into action when he feels powerless at first to deal with greedy nobles who are loan sharking their fellow Hebrews right back into slavery. He slows down his anger and brings the nobles to task.
Fourth, after the initial shock wears off, try seeing where the processing leads you.
What does it tell you about the situation, yourself, others involved, your motives, your priorities, lessons learned, and how you can grow from it.
Over all powerlessness is not something to be desired but it is, essentially, unavoidable in life. How we deal with it and use it to grow and move closer to God and others is the key.
Knowing how to respond to tragedy is never easy. Maybe it’s the terrible sense of loss you feel. Perhaps it’s the desire to know why the tragic event happened that leaves you feeling alienated and alone. Was it something you did? Was it someone else’s fault? Why did God allow it to happen? These questions usually go unanswered because ‘Why?’ is almost always the wrong question.
Remember Job? The Bible tells us Job was a godly man. Yet, he lost everything’his wealth, family, and his health. Why did all of this happen, especially to such a good man? When you read the story of Job, you’ll discover his suffering was the result of spiritual warfare. Yet, Job didn’t know this. His friends accused him of secret sin. And as time passed Job grew increasingly upset and confused’he even began to question God’s sense of justice.
In the end, however, Job’s arguments were silenced before God. While God never explained fully to Job why the disasters had befallen him, he did bring Job to a place of humble surrender. This increased Job’s understanding of God and gave him the proper perspective to continue life. Neither Job nor any other man who has suffered a serious loss can ever fully understand why a catastrophe has happened. But if you’re willing to seek God and surrender your life and your situation into his powerful hands, he’ll do a work in you and through you that will restore your spirit and bring Him honor and glory.
Secrets aren’t necessarily a bad thing. If they were, God wouldn’t have them. Yet Scripture tells us that God keeps some things completely to himself. The Bible calls these the ‘secret things’ of God. But if it’s acceptable for God to keep secrets, why isn’t it completely acceptable for us men to do likewise?
One key difference between God’s secrets and ours lies in the area of motive. Being perfect and pure, God has reasons for keeping secrets that reflect His flawless character. Fallen men, on the other hand, are neither perfect nor pure. Therefore, a man’s motives for keeping secrets are suspect.
The bottom line is this, and every man knows it: most of your secrets are kept out of fear’fear of embarrassment, shame, guilt, loss of respect, loss of stature and favor, repercussions, reparations, and so on. In other words, men usually keep secrets for all the wrong reasons. Understandable reasons perhaps, but wrong nonetheless.
Beyond being wrong, your secrets are also destructive. They divide you against yourself. They cause isolation and lack of honesty in your relationships with others. And finally, they provide the context in which sin thrives.
By way of contrast, exposing secrets to the light of truth robs them of their power to hold and harm you. It fosters humility, creates accountability, and allows you to be restored by the grace and love of God and your loved ones. Men, honesty truly is the best policy.
Beneath the surface of many strong, seemingly together, male exteriors are frightened little boys who are still desperately searching for affirmation and validation as a man. If we’re going to be honest, we should admit that’s where a lot of men live today. Many of us are unsure of how to carry off the masculine role, so we hide our fears behind masks of strength because that’s what our fathers did. But when the fa’ade is threatened on the job or at home, the cornered little boy lashes out in anger.
Whether it’s due to divorce, addiction, overwork, or the widespread crisis of fathers who’ve abdicated their roles to others, many of us have, in a very real way, lost our fathers. That’s the source of a great deal of confusion, fear, and anger many of us feel.
If we’re to move forward and experience the redemptive possibilities of God in the future, we must face up to our past. As with any loss in life, a man who experiences a sense of loss in his relationship with his father must grieve. Without proper, healthy grieving the inner hurt is like an open sore’vulnerable to repeated pain and infection, and detrimental to future health.
And the greatest asset a hurting, angry man can have in this situation is a faithful, loving friend. That is, another man who’ll understand him and stand with him as he, with God’s help, rediscovers his masculinity.
Steve Arterburn and Dr. Linda Mintle
We’ll say it again: Your motivation for losing weight should not be to please someone else. If you are doing this because your physician or spouse is upset with you, this is a set-up for potential failure. Decide if you are ready to lose weight for your own personal reasons. How important is it to you to live a life undefined by your weight and driven by food and eating? How important is it to you that you lead a healthy life?
If you are motivated to work on all parts of you life, spiritual, physical, emotional, and interpersonal, you will do well. You must take ownership of your goal to lose weight and keep it off. No one else can do it for you, but with God’s help, you can be successful.
It is also helpful to ask the question, ‘Why do I want to lose weight now?’ Since you have probably dieted in the past and been overweight for months or even years, why are you ready now? Hopefully you are ready to surrender this problem to God and accept the reality of your situation, including taking responsibility for your part of the problem.
Finally, are you experiencing significant stress in right now? If so, this may not be the time to try and lose weight. Instead, you may want to concentrate on making lifestyle changes rather than focusing on weight loss. Significant life stress greatly disrupts a person’s ability to lose weight for life. If this resonates with you, discover and make any lifestyle changes possible without overtaxing yourself. When you circumstances have stabilized, consider adding a goal of weight loss.
Loseitforlife.com has many resources to help you with your process to ‘weightlessness!’