The Differences Between Men and Women

The sun has one kind of splendor, the moon another and the stars another; and star differs from star in splendor. – 1 Corinthians 15:41

The Differences Between Men and Women

Consider these gender differences I found on a humorous website:

  • If Laura, Suzanne, and Debra go out for lunch, they’ll call each other Laura, Suzanne, and Debra. But if Mike, Charlie, and Bob go out they’ll refer to each other as Godzilla, Champ, and Grubby.
  • A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item she doesn’t want.
  • A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
  • A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, soap, and a towel. The average woman has 377 items. A man wouldn’t be able to identify most of them.

Recognizing differences is especially important when it comes to how we love. Understanding that everyone doesn’t share my experiences, nor do they think like me, are important steps in not being threatened; and they are important so you don’t feel anger at differences you note in how someone you love behaves or reacts.

Steve Arterburn

Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.” – Henry Kissinger (1923– )


Relationship Addiction

We who have fled to take hold of the hope offered to us may be greatly encouraged. We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. – Hebrews 6:18b–19

Relationship Addiction

Have you ever thought about being addicted to love? It sounds like a good thing to be addicted to, but clinically speaking, it’s a problem.

Relationship addicts live in a world of paradoxes that leaves them feeling they have no way out. They desperately want to get close to someone, but end up with a person whose problems make closeness impossible. They seek security, but end up with someone who always leaves the back door open for a quick get-away.

Relationship addicts crave unconditional love, but live in constant fear of abandonment if they don’t live up to their own impossible standards. They want to be free to love, but often trap themselves in a relationship by becoming pregnant or by weaving some other type of emotional spider web. Drowning in the whirlpool of their own emotions, they turn to a rescuer who cannot swim.

When all is said and done, for healing to occur, if you’re a relationship addict, you’ll need to come to the end of your own strength and seek God’s help to resolve the hurts of the past and move toward a genuine focus on others. Without this, relationship addicts are doomed to a cycle of misery and futility. Remember, you can never fix what only God can fix.

Steve Arterburn

God is more interested in your future and your relationships than you are.” – Billy Graham (1918– )


Peace with Pop

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Peace with Pop

The story of Jacob in the Bible is one of a family in relational turmoil. His family wasn’t the first dysfunctional family mentioned in the Bible, but they were certainly among the most prominent. You’ve heard the saying, ‘like father, like son.’ Well, Jacob’s failure to be discreet, honest, patient, and his failure to give unconditional love had a terrible impact on his children. He played favorites and set no clear boundaries on their behavior. To say that his relationship with many of his sons was strained is an understatement.

Whether you come from a family of dysfunction, like Jacob’s, or your family is more like the Cleavers of Leave It To Beaver, God calls us to honor our parents. You could make the argument that he commands it!

You may have the joy of honoring parents that have been all you could hope for, but some of you only have memories of parents who’ve hurt you, and that can be a scary thing. The passing years, lack of communication, and memories of angry, heated, emotional exchanges can create tremendous anxiety.

But, God is in the redemption business. He takes the bad things that happen to us and turns them to our good. It may be a process, to first connect, to confront, to forgive, to realize your roles have changed . . . but God is still in the redemption business. Don’t forget that.

– Steve Arterburn

“To understand is not only to pardon, but in the end to love.” – Walter Lippmann (1889-1974)

Love Me

Who are you? he asked. I am your servant Ruth, she said. Spread the corner of your garment over me, since you are a kinsman-redeemer. Ruth 3:9

Love Me

Please love me!” Isn’t this what we all think and feel on the inside? We may not want to admit it for fear of rejection, but we all are hungry for love. Some of us are starving for affection because of previous losses. We gather whatever crumbs we can find to fill that hunger deep inside.

Part of the process of turning your life over to God involves developing healthy relationships with people and with God. It’s scary to say, “Please love me.” But it’s worth the risk. If you don’t satisfy your hunger for love in a legitimate way, you’ll be driven toward depression, anxiety, addictions, or compulsive behaviors. God designed us to love and be loved.

Take a look at the story of Ruth in the Bible. It’s a great story about a woman who wasn’t afraid to say, “Please love me.”

Steve Arterburn


“Love sought is good, but given unsought is better.” – Shakespeare (1564-1616)

New Life Live: July 24, 2015


Topics: Dating, Adult Children, Homeless, Pornography, Parenting, Divorce
Hosts: Steve Arterburn, Dr. Dave Stoop

Caller Questions:

  1. My boyfriend of one year is in love with me; am I being too cautious if I don’t feel the same?
  2. How can I help my 35yo son who has been homeless for 10yrs?
  3. Should I separate from my husband who has had a porn addiction for 45yrs?
  4. My mom only showed tough love; how do I NOT turn into that kind of parent?
  5. Now that the kids are grown, is it OK to divorce my husband?

Suggested Resources:
Every Man’s Bible
Worthy of Her Trust
Forgiving Our Parents

This is the Every Man’s Battle Workshop testimony Steve read on the radio today:

God started the EMB workshop for me. I have learned more about myself, marriage, and my wife this weekend then I have my entire life. I finally feel like I can live a shame free life for the first time since my wife found out about my addiction. If I continue to act out after learning the things that I have learned this weekend, then I truly do not deserve to be with my wife. This EMB workshop has helped me to see both my marriage and my wife in a whole different and better light. – Corey

Subscribe to the NEW LIFE LIVE Podcast via iTunes or streaming audio from Stitcher, the Smart Radio App.

In Times of Grief

Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the saints. Philemon 1:7

In Times of Grief

When someone you know is grieving, you want to express your love and concern. But, how do you know what to say? Sometimes there just aren’t words. But it’s important that you spend time with your friend or family member. What’s as important as anything is just showing up.

What do you say to someone who is suffering? Some people are gifted with words of wisdom. For such, one is profoundly grateful. But not all are gifted in that way. Some blurt out things that don’t really make sense. That’s o.k. too. Your words don’t have to be wise. The heart that speaks is heard more than the words spoken. And if you can’t think of anything to say, just say, “I can’t think of anything to say. But I want you to know that we are with you in your grief.”

Or even just embrace. Not even the best of words can take away the pain. What words can do is testify that there is more than pain in our journey on earth to a new day. Of those things that are more, the greatest is love. Express your love. How appallingly grim must be the death of a child in the absence of love.

Sharing in someone’s grief is no time to worry about your own discomfort and uncertainty about what to show. Believe that God will give you the words, the touch, the hug that will comfort. And you’ll be glad you shared in the moment and gave strength to a hurting soul.

– Steve Arterburn

Tears shed for self are tears of weakness, but tears shed for others are a sign of strength.” – Billy Graham (1918– )

Banishing Fear

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear. . . – 1 John 4:18a

Banishing Fear

When we feel threatened in relationships, we tend to become defensive and guarded. On the other hand, when we feel safe, we’re far more willing to be open and vulnerable. This is true of our relationships with other people, and it’s also true in our relationship with God.

The apostle John wrote: “Such love has no fear because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of judgment, and this shows that [God’s] love has not been perfected in us. We love each other as a result of his loving us first.”

If Jesus hadn’t paid the price for our sins on the cross, there would be every reason for fear and defensiveness before a holy God. But, God showed His love for us by sending His Son, Jesus, to pay for our sins and free us from them. As a result, it’s safe to open yourself to God.

Jesus has his arms wide open, calling you to come and receive His love. Could there be anything better? His love is real, and waiting to embrace you. His love is ready to transform you and drive the fear from your heart. God is love, and He shows Himself to you in and through His Son, Jesus Christ.

When you open yourself to God’s love, you’ll become open to seeing the truth about God and yourself—and you’ll no longer need to be afraid.

– Steve Arterburn

Never take counsel of your fears.” – Thomas “Stonewall” Jackson (1824–1863)

Sacrificial Love

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you so you must love one another. By this all men will know you are my disciples, if you love one another. John 13:34–35
Sacrificial Love

If we’re to love and serve our family, friends, neighbors, and co-workers in the manner God desires, we must understand the following three things:

First, sacrifice doesn’t mean giving that other person everything he or she wants. But it does mean you consider the other person’s thoughts and concerns equally alongside yours; in the same way the white stripe is expressed equally with the red on a candy cane. You can’t tell if it’s red with a white stripe or white with red.

Second, sacrifice is more than taking another’s thoughts into consideration. It’s taking those thoughts and putting them into play with as much emphasis and care as you give your own thoughts–even if the thought processes of that other person may not make sense to you.

Third, you must develop your own style of carrying out this sacrificial love—a style that’s customized to the character and needs of your relationship. You may not always agree with the other person. That’s fine. Agreement is nearly as important as the way of coming to an agreement. You are different people, and even siblings brought up in the same home with the same parents and surroundings come up with different opinions and answers to life. But, the use of the servant mind-set must always be consistent among all of us if we wish to love others as ourselves.

Steve Arterburn

We make a living at what we get, we make a life by what we give.” – Winston Churchill (1874–1965)


Forgiving Seems Impossible

Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us. Luke 11:4

Forgiving Seems Impossible

Corrie ten Boom, one of the twentieth century’s great Christian spokespersons, lost her sister and father in the Nazi death camps of World War II, and she barely escaped with her own life.

Years after the war, she began speaking on the subject of forgiveness. After one address in Munich, a former S.S. man who brutalized and humiliated Corrie while she was in prison approached her as the church was emptying. Beaming with joy, he said, “How grateful I am for your message, Fraulein. To think that, as you say, He has washed my sins away!

He extended his hand to her. She was frozen, trying to smile as angry, vengeful thoughts boiled inside her. Breathing a silent prayer and acting in sheer obedience, she finally managed to take the man’s hand. She recalls what happened next like this:

“As I took his hand in mine the most incredible thing happened. From my shoulder along my arm and through my hand a current seemed to pass from me to him, while into my heart sprang a love for this stranger that almost overwhelmed me. And so I discovered that it is not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world’s healing hinges, but on Christ’s. When He tells us to love our enemies, He gives, with the command, the love itself.”

Whenever forgiveness seems impossible, remember this: Jesus Christ lives in you, and He can do what you cannot.

Steve Arterburn

“Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note, torn in two, and burned up so that it never can be shown against one.” – Henry Ward Beecher (1813-1887)

From Slavery To Servanthood

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. – 2 Corinthians 3:17

From Slavery To Servanthood

Imagine the scene: A broken man awakens one morning with no options. Hopeless, owning nothing but an empty stomach, he stands starkly upon the auctioneer’s block as a slave. Shoulders slumped, pride stripped away, gaunt eyes staring aimlessly into the distance, his ashen face conveys only shame.

Suddenly, a man with gentle eyes appears, and this man sees value and potential in this broken man. “Did I see a spark of something in that man’s eyes?” the slave wonders. It couldn’t be, but his hope rises as the gentle man pays the price, brings him home, clothes him, and feeds him richly. His master does love him!

Do you recognize this picture? I hope so. It’s a picture of your life in Christ. You and I were once slaves on the auction block of sin. We stood broken by sin. Yet our loving and gentle Master—for reasons we may never know, and for reasons not found in us—saw value in us. And He paid for our freedom with His own blood, on a cross.

Through Jesus Christ, we’ve been freed from bondage. But that’s not the end, only the beginning. We must move on and ask the question, “What have we been freed for?” The answer: for Jesus Christ!

We’ve been freed by Christ, for Christ. That is, so we might serve Him, praise Him, and give Him glory.

– Steve Arterburn

“To obey God is Freedom.” – Seneca the Younger (5 B.C.–A.D. 65)