New Life Live: October 22, 2014


Topics: DatingAffairsIntimacyAlcholicsTeensSuicideAbuse 
Hosts: Steve Arterburn

Caller Questions:

  1. Is Dialectical Behavior Therapy a good therapy? 
  2. Why was I attracted to a date that I found out was married and another one into porn? 
  3. We reconciled after my husband’s affairs, but how do I get back the desire to be intimate with him? 
  4. Comment: My alcoholic uncle is now sober and back in church! 
  5. Should I still live with my husband who had an emotional affair for 7yrs? 
  6. My 15yo grandson is suicidal and wants to live with us; what will help him the most? 
  7. I saw “Trauma Bonding” at; how do I heal from my abusive marriage? 
  8. My wife was caught in an affair, and I don’t know what to do. 

Suggested Resources:
Healing Is a Choice
Is This The One
Sexually Confident Wife
NIV Spiritual Renewal Bible
Every Man’s Battle

Subscribe to the NEW LIFE LIVE Podcast via iTunes or streaming audio from Stitcher, the Smart Radio App.

Giving the Best Answer

We know also that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding, so that we may know him who is true. And we are in him who is true, even in his Son Jesus Christ. He is the true God and eternal life. – 1 John 5:20

Giving the Best Answer

A college philosophy professor asked just one question on his final exam. He picked up a chair, put it on his desk, and wrote on the blackboard, ‘Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist.’

Most students wrote feverishly for the entire hour, some of them churning out twenty pages of heady philosophical logic. But one student turned in her paper after less than a minute, and she was the only one to get an A. What did she write? Two simple words: ‘What chair?’

Engaging people in a gentle, respectful, yet influential manner is an art. There are numerous ideological and emotional pitfalls to avoid with balanced decision-making skills and alert reasoning. But this young philosophy student has learned something that we too must learn: sometimes the wisest argument is no argument at all.

Steve Arterburn

Faith is not being sure where you’re going but going anyway.‘ – Frederick Buechner (1926- )

Taking the Good with the Bad

Ever had a great day going, then one bad thing happens and you feel like a total failure?   Henry Cloud calls it “the Good/Bad split when we look at things as either all good or all bad. On New Life TV, we’re discussing why we need to accept and integrate both the good and bad aspects of people and of life. Watch the video.


Get more from

We Need To Talk

These five words that strike fear into the hearts of husbands everywhere, and they might even be the five most feared words in marriage.   Here are some strategies to make this conversation a productive one, not a scary one!  Check it out!

we-need-to-talkGet more from


If perfection could have been attained through the Levitical priesthood (for on the basis of it the law was given to the people), why was there still need for another priest to come, one in the order of Melchizedek, not in the order of Aaron? – Hebrews 7:11


Are you a person who’s never quite satisfied because you can’t attain perfection? I have good news for you! Perfection is unattainable, so you can rest from your efforts. Yes, excellence is a worthy goal, but perfection is nothing but pure fiction! You’re not perfect, and neither is your spouse, your children, your boss, or your coworkers. Not even your dog is perfect.

Nevertheless, if you’re a perfectionist, you’ll be quicker to judge rather than show mercy. Most perfectionists end up correcting other people rather than connecting with other people.

If you struggle with this, remember relationships are always more important than regulation, so be careful not to push yourself and the people in your life toward perfection. Lay down your spears, tear down those walls, and step forward to discover that it’s perfectly fine to be human in every area of life.

Steve Arterburn

‘Perfection consists in one thing only: doing the will of God.’ – St Vincent de Paul (1581-1660)

Adultery in the Workplace

Adultery in the Workplace

Cole’s married supervisor is having an affair with one of their co-workers.  Cole knows the supervisor’s husband and doesn’t know if he should be the one to tell him about the adultery.   What is his responsibility in this situation? #WATCH what I have to say or head to the channel for more:


Survivors After Suicide

Survivors After Suicide

When a loved one commits suicide, the family and friends left behind struggle with the loss and trying to understand the reasons why. Dr. Sheri Denham Keffer and Dr. John Townsend share their experiences. Watch here.


Eyes off the Gloom

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? — Romans 8:31

Some years ago the New York Times featured news of a new toy—a plush “Ask Me More Eeyore,” modeled after the gloomy donkey from Winnie the Pooh.  The toy is designed for children aged three to seven.  The paper remarked that these are just the right ages, apparently, to learn about undaunted pessimism.

If God is For Us....

Eeyore responds to children’s questions with comments like, “Don’t’ count on it,” “Doesn’t look good,” “Outcome looks sort of gloomy,” “You can’t win them all,” and “Looks good for you, must be nice.”

Sometimes Eeyore will even ask the child, “You wouldn’t want me for a friend, would you?”

Do you have a gloomy Eeyore in your life?  Perhaps you’ve taken on that role for yourself!

If you’re busy looking for all the things that can go wrong, you’re sure to miss the blessings God has prepared for you. Besides, life is too short to dwell on the gloom and doom. As believers our hope is in our Savior, no matter what our circumstance, He walks beside us, He fights our battles and He goes before us in everything. Our hope is not in the arm of flesh, it rests on the mighty and powerful arm of God. Take your eyes off the gloom and focus them on the Lord.

Let’s remember the words of that old hymn: “Count your blessings, name them one by one, count your blessings, see what God has done!”

Out Of Eden

Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do. Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 3:13-14

Can we return to the Garden of Eden? A German theologian, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, made this observation after studying the Bible’s account of Adam and Eve’s first sin: “So Adam must leave paradise. For every one of us it’s in the past. And only fools think that it can be re-established on this earth. As a rule, those who have promised men a heaven on earth have made it a life of hell. No, there is no road back.”

Out of Eden


This same German theologian suffered greatly under the Third Reich . . . all due to one man’s attempt to return to Eden . . . to find utopia.

Utopian dreams aren’t usually as brutal as the Third Reich’s. But they’re all around us, and ultimately, no less delusional. That’s because they point us back to Eden rather than forward to heaven, and they ignore the fact that mankind fell with Adam and desperately needs Jesus.

Jesus’s resurrection is the beginning of God’s new project not to snatch people away from earth to heaven but to colonize earth with the life of heaven. That, after all, is what the Lord’s Prayer is about. ~ N.T. Wright

Father God, whenever I think about my lost Eden, of when my life might have been “perfect”, remind me that
only you are perfect and as I travel this broken road towards Heaven I will learn of you, your nature and
immense love for me. Amen

Seeking God’s Plans

Seeking God’s Plans

‘For I know the plans I have for you”[this is] the Lord’s declaration’ ‘plans for [your] welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.’ Jeremiah 29:11 HCSB


Why did God put me here?’ It’s a simple question to ask and, at times, a very complicated question to answer.

As you seek to discover (or perhaps, to rediscover) God’s plan for your life, you should start by remembering this: You are here because God put you here, and He did so for a very good reason: His reason.

At times, you may be confident that you are doing God’s will. But on other occasions, you may be uncertain about the direction that your life should take. At times, you may wander aimlessly in a wilderness of your own making. And sometimes, you may struggle mightily against God in a vain effort to find success and happiness through your own means, not His. But wherever you find yourself’ whether on the mountaintops, in the valleys, or at the crossroads of life you may be assured that God is there . . . and you may be assured that He has a plan.

If you manage to align yourself with God’s plan for your life, you will be energized, you will be enthused, and you will be blessed. That’s why you should strive mightily to understand what it is that God wants you to do. But how can you know precisely what God’s intentions are? The answer, of course, is that even the most well- intentioned believers face periods of uncertainty and doubt about the direction of their lives. So, too, will you.

When you arrive at one of life’s inevitable crossroads, that’s the moment when you should turn your thoughts and prayers toward God. When you do, He will make Himself known to you in a time and manner of His choosing. When you discover God’s plan for your life, you will experience abundance, peace, joy, and power’ God’s power. And that’s the only kind of power that really matters.

God has a wonderful plan for your life. And the time to start looking for that plan and living it, is now. And remember’ discovering God’s plan begins with prayer, but it doesn’t end there. You’ve also got to work at it.

One of the wonderful things about being a Christian is the knowledge that God has a plan for our lives. Warren Wiersbe

If God declares what it means to be human, then our lives are not the meaningless collections of unrelated events they so often appear to be. Stanley Grenz


Dear Heavenly Father, your word says that the footsteps of a righteous man are guided by you. I pray Lord that you will guide my steps and my plans. Thank you that the events in my life are not meaningless coincidences but they are plans that you have set in motion for me. Amen