Releasing Past Failures

Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. – Psalm 37:5–6

Releasing Past Failures

Some people go through life excusing their shortcomings because of some disadvantage they’ve had stacked against them. Others have grown up in great families and circumstances of great advantage and privilege. They’ve had less in their lives to overcome and less occasion to stumble.

If you’re one who hasn’t had these benefits and you’ve had a disadvantage or two to overcome, you may feel angry, resentful, and even ashamed as a result. If so, I have two  important things to say to you: first, your feelings are certainly understandable. Second, despite the fact that your resentful feelings may be justified, you simply must let go of them–those feelings will slowly eat you alive.

Letting go is so simple and at the same time so hard to do. Daily, we face the same challenge . . . a challenge to surrender. Surrender your will, your power, your bitter, angry feelings of resentment to God. Empty yourself so His Holy Spirit can come and fill the void.

See if God won’t respond to your surrender.

– Steve Arterburn

The greatness of a man’s power is the measure of his surrender. – William Booth

New Life Live: March 30, 2015


Topics: PornographyMarriageBoundariesCodependencyAnger 
Hosts: Steve ArterburnDr. Dave StoopDr. Jill Hubbard

Caller Questions:

  1. My husband thinks his porn use is no big deal and dismisses my feelings; what do I do now? 
  2. How do I convince my friend to not give up on his rocky marriage? 
  3. Why do I have anger and resentment when I have to say no? 

Suggested Resources:
Forgiving the Unforgivable
Worthy of Her Trust
Just Us
Healing Is a Choice

This is the Every Man’s Battle testimony Steve read on the radio today:

I was angry when I came to EMB, but I didn’t know why. I wrestled with whether I was here because my heart is truly repentant or simply because I got caught. I love the Lord, but I am a proud man. I enjoyed pornography, but when I indulged, the Holy Spirit would convict me. I have tried numerous times on my own to quit, but have not been successful. I realize that if my heart is not truly repentant, EMB and this weekend is just a waste of my time and money. I have decided and I am resolved to be a man of sexual integrity. If my wife stays or goes, if my friends know or don’t know, if my church family thinks I am a hypocrite. I am ready. EMB has given me hope, but more than just the fleeting kind of hope that I have experienced before an emotional high after a fiery sermon or motivational talk. My hope is now based on examples of men I met who are victorious over this struggle and have given me Biblically based practical tools I can use to have lasting success. – Will

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Some of us are locked in prison cells of our own making. Prisons of rage, resentment, addiction, bad relationships…just to name a few. But you can break free. Are you behind bars? You don’t have to be anymore. Check out this video and leave a comment at the end. Screen-Shot-2014-11-17-at-11.25.29-AM

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Give Up Resentment; Get Back Love

Do you want to live an exceptional life? In part two of my series I’ll explain how to get rid of poisonous resentment, and replace it with love. We all tend to remember offenses against us, but if we let them fester, they block us from receiving God’s love and sharing it with others. Watch for more.

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Teen Daughter Taking Sides in Divorce

After a father committed adultery which led to a divorce, his teen daughter still chose to live with him, and had most of her resentment towards her mother.  But no matter who is at fault for the divorce, mom needs to repair her connection with her daughter.  Check out the video.

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Letting Go of Bitter Resentment

Letting Go of  Bitter Resentment
If you are having a hard time releasing a resentment or grieving a loss, there is an answer. It takes work, but there are a few steps you can take to upgrade your life by finding forgiveness and letting go of bitterness that is weighing you down. Click below to watch.
Find out more about New Life TV here.

The Choice to Forgive: Healing is a Choice Part 1

healingisachoiceThe Seventh Big Lie: ‘Forgiveness is only for those who deserve it or earn it.’

The fact that you are even reading these words is a miracle, because you have read a lot of stuff on forgiveness and understand everyone’s angle on it, and none of it does one bit of good for you and your situation. You have been abused, mistreated, or neglected in such a severe way that you believe that forgiveness of that person or persons is impossible for you to experience. You are a good and kind and loving person, but there is one person that you harbor a grudge against, and you plan on keeping it. The person does not deserve to be forgiven by you or by God. Anyone looking at what happened would say that you are totally entitled to your feelings.

If what I have described above is the way you feel, or you feel that way to a lesser degree, I am hoping and praying right now as I write this that this could be the time when everything changes for you. I am praying that as you read on I can help you walk through some steps and help you make some choices that lead you to the choice to forgive the unforgivable. And if you are someone who has not been hurt deeply, I pray that you will use these words to minister to someone else who is struggling because he or she is unable or unwilling to forgive. I pray that in the future if you are ever hurt deeply, you might come back to this and use it to walk out the anger, bitterness, and resentment.

The Most Dangerous Thing on Earth

We live in a world where danger and terror are all around us. We live with uncertainty each new day because we never know what might befall us. Since 9/11 most of us have a little more fear of terror in the world that might one day intersect with our personal world. There is something much more dangerous than a terrorist somewhere out there in the world that may or may not harm us one day. There is something worse, much worse than that. It is worse because it can exist within us and affect everything we do and the very person we become. That internal terrorist is called a ‘justifiable resentment’.

A lot of people have resentments. Some just seem to have a bad attitude about life, and they lean toward resenting everything. They resent paying taxes, paying more than a dollar for a gallon of gas, or being asked by their church to give money to support the new building campaign. They resent the person they are living with. That person is not bad, but the ‘resenter’ collects little things done over time and walks around with a huge collection of little things to hold against the person. It makes him feel a bit superior, so he hangs on to everything he can find. Resenters go through life pretty negative on anything and everything. They have a problem, but it is nothing like what I am going to describe. These petty resentments are real resentments, but they are not the type that will kill you.

A justifiable resentment is the type of resentment that will kill you. It is not about anything petty. It is about real and horrible abuse or mistreatment. It is about a real life event that anyone would say was terribly wrong, and most anyone would tell you that you are totally justified in feeling the way you do. Tenderhearted people will cry with you over it, and many probably have. All the evidence supports your feelings of anger, resentment, bitterness, and unwillingness to forgive. The other person does not deserve it, and no one wants him or her to have it. That is what I call a justifiable resentment.

Do you have a justifiable resentment? We’d like to help you. Call us at 800-NEWLIFE (639-5433).

New Life Live: February 1, 2012


Topics: Addictions, Alcoholics, Trust, Marriage
Hosts: Steve Arterburn, Dr. John Townsend, Dr. Dave Stoop
Caller Questions:

  1. I am addicted to marijuana. Help! 
  2. My 26yo alcoholic son is facing jail; should he go to rehab first? 
  3. Where do I start when I don’t trust God? 
  4. My husband recently found out he is Jewish, and he tells me Jesus is not the Messiah.
  5. How do I get past resentment with my husband for past hurts? 

Suggested Resources:
Life Recovery Bible
Lose It For Life
The Encounter
Walking Into Walls

Relinquishing the Debts Owed Us

Steve Arterburn

Do you tend to keep a mental list of all the wrongs that have been done against you’an accounting of what you think others owe you? You may feel they owe you an apology, a favor, a sum of money, or something else. If every time you’re hurt, you’re mentally adding to the ledger of debt that others owe you, I want to help you see how and why to let go and erase that ledger of debt.

Jesus told this story to address what I’m talking about: ‘A king’decided to bring his accounts up to date’In the process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars.’ The man begged for forgiveness. ‘Then the king was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt. But when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars. He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment.’ This was reported to the king. ‘Then the king called in the man he’d forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant. I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?” (Matthew 18:23-35).

When you look at the enormous moral debt God has forgiven you and the price Jesus paid for us to be forgiven, you should be compelled to forgive others. Forgiveness will free you from the torture of festering resentment. You can’t change what others have done to you, but you can write off their debts by handing the accounting process over to God.

The Choice to Forgive: Healing is a Choice Part 2

Steve Arterburn

Real resentment over real damage by a real person produces a justifiable resentment, and it becomes such a huge part of your life that it feels like a vulture sitting on top of you, a dark and dangerous presence that affects everything that you do.

If the resentment was not justifiable, someone could just talk you out of it. A friend could tell you things he or she has told others who had a bad attitude;

1. Stop being so negative

2. Look at the bright side of things

3. Stop seeing the glass half empty

4. Start thinking more positively

5. Look for the good in people

6. Try accepting people for who they are.

These are the things people say to someone who just needs to make a few changes to make herself more comfortable and enjoy life more.

But none of those things apply to you, because you have something to hang on to. There is a date and a person and a trauma that really happened. It is your Auschwitz, and those who know of your terrible ordeal support your feelings. That is the problem; no one questions your feelings. Everyone feels horrible for you, so it is easy for you to hang on to the resentment. Anyone would, but you can’t.

You can’t, because it is eating you alive. It is your own internal terrorist that is destroying your life, keeping you from living the best life possible. It is hurting your relationship with God and with others. You will be firmly rooted to your past and to your abuse as long as the justifiable resentment grows within you. Everything you do in life will lean up against your grudge. It will come to define who you are and limit what you can become.

Although it might be very difficult to imagine, you really can be free from that justifiable resentment. You can let it go and experience the healing power of forgiveness. You can choose to heal a very troubled area of your soul by choosing to walk through a path of forgiveness. And if you take this path, something very amazing is going to happen to you one day.

One day you are going to awaken and realize that everything in your life has changed. You will sense that you are no longer rooted in your past. You will realize that what once defined your life and your inner thoughts is no longer relevant to how you live your life. You won’t forget what happened, but you will be aware of something with the magnitude of a fly you just swoosh away. That little fly is nothing compared to the vulture that now sits atop your head, talons deeply implanted in your heart. One day you will awaken and that vulture will no longer be there, and you will be free!

Thank you for taking the time to read this article. If you’re carrying justifiable resentment, we’d like to help. Please join us at our next New Life Weekend.