Bullying: Ryan Halligan Story

Think cyber-bullying to be just a big joke, eh? You had better think again. Like real-life harassment it can destroy self-esteem and even push a hurting person over the edge to suicide. You need to hear this true story.

Read more about this story

New Life Live: May 31 , 2011

Play

Topics: Parenting Marriage Self Worth Pornography

Hosts: Dr. Sheri Denham, Dr. Henry Cloud, Dr. Jill Hubbard

Caller Questions:
1. My 13yo son wants to date and we think it’s too soon.
2. What boundaries do I need since my wife stopped counseling?
3. My husband devalues me since I lost my job.
4. How do I handle my husband exposing our 14yo son to porn?

Suggested Resources:
Boundaries
Boundaries in Dating
Every Young Man’s Battle

New Life Live: May 6, 2011

Play

Topics:
Marriage, Dating, Anxiety, Parenting, Self Worth and Confidence.  

Hosts:
Steve Arterburn, Dr. Jill Hubbard, Dr. Sheri Denham 

Caller Questions:
1. My husband of 2 years minimizes my feelings.
2. I’m dating and can’t decide if I have trust issues or if I’m just being discerning.
3. My 21yo nephew refuses to take his meds until someone shows him it’s OK in the Bible.
4. Should I be concerned that my 18yo son is on the computer 8 hours a day?
5. How do I stop from clamming up and being so shy? 

Suggested Resources:
How We Love
Blended Families cd
Healing is a Choice
Emotional Freedom Workbook

New Life Live: March 25, 2011

Play

Hosts:
Steve Arterburn, Dr. Henry Cloud, Dr. Jill Hubbard

Discussion Topics:
Self worth and confidence, adult children, sexual integrity, forgiveness.

Caller Questions:
1. My sister and I push each other’s buttons.
2. How do you start living again when you want to die?
3. What can I do about my 21yo son turning on me?
4. How can I restore trust after my husband went to EMB?
5. Comment: Why do you gang up on callers?
6. How will I know when I have forgiven my pastor?

Suggested Resources:
Life Recovery Bible
Healing Is a Choice
Every Man’s Marriage
Necessary Endings

New Life Live: March 24, 2011

Play

Hosts:
Steve Arterburn, Dr. Sheri Denham, Milan Yerkovich

Discussion Topics:
Marriage, dating, self worth and confidence.

Caller Questions:
1. My husband is a controller and keeps secrets; how do I get to the truth?
2. How do I get my possessions back from my ex-boyfriend?
3. My unfaithful husband wants to reconcile, but I have concerns.

Suggested Resources:
Healing Is a Choice
Every Man’s Battle

New Life Live: March 10, 2011

Play

Hosts:
Steve Arterburn, Dr. Jill Hubbard, Milan Yerkovich

Discussion Topics:
Marriage, grief, self worth and confidence.

Caller Questions:
1. My ex wants to leave her new husband and reconcile; good idea?
2. Should I grieve the loss of never having kids?
3. My 16yo husband won’t stop talking about his previous girlfriends.
4. I lost desire for sexual intimacy with my husband.
5. Should I confront a friend of the family who is lying?

Suggested Resources:
How We Love
healing Is a Choice
Better Than Ever

A Person’s a Person

Excerpted from the book The God of Second Chances by Steve Arterburn.

In college I dated a woman for whom I really cared. She was a Christian—bright, gentle, beautiful, and energetic. I believed we had a lot in common. Because we loved each other, I had an easy time convincing her to sleep with me. I justified my sin—and hers—by believing that loved covered everything. Yet, I discovered it was less love for her and more love for myself that lead me to seek sexual gratification. How shameful that I didn’t see what I was doing until it was too late. She missed one period, and then another. She was pregnant.

Although I loved my girlfriend, I selfishly did not want to shatter my musical career. Never once did I consider any options. Never once did I drop down on my knees and seek God’s forgiveness and ask Him to show me a responsible way out of the problem. She had to have an abortion.

I was deeply immersed in the philosophy of the world. If something is inconvenient–say, a broken radio, a bad marriage, or a baby—just get rid of it. So there we were, my girlfriend and I and the baby growing in her womb. I carefully laid out my plan with all the details already put together: go here at such and such a time, they will do such and such to you, and then it will be over. We can go on with our lives. I’ll even pay half the cost of the procedure.

My heartless and unbending pragmatism overwhelmed her. I never really gave her an opportunity to respond. No unwanted baby was going to stand in the way of my career. So she went because I convinced her it was the best way out of a bad situation and because she thought I loved her.

The guilt, shame, and remorse had emotional, physical, and spiritual consequences that had such a devastating effect on me that I almost lost my life. I fell into a deep depression, went on antidepressants, and began to feel as old as a grandfather. Within six months of convincing my girlfriend to have an abortion, I was diagnosed with eighty-three ulcers. My doctor told me that I would have to make some serious life-style changes or have my intestines or my colon removed. Within a year I had dropped out of my music major and abandoned my dream. At the time I had no idea what was causing me such misery.

Fortunately I came to an end of myself. In my depression I was able to acknowledge that I had made a complete mess of my life and that I needed God’s forgiveness and strength. I turned back to the narrow path. I found God’s surprising grace there. We all have wounds that never seem to heal—from childhood, from our sinful behavior, from living in the world. But the answer is not to pretend that they don’t exist or believe the world’s lies that we can alleviate them with self-gratifying pleasures.

We must face our wounds honestly, repent before God, and let Him surprise us with His amazing and healing grace. It is only then that we can begin to experience what God has intended and desired for us all along.

If you have taken part in an abortion and have never healed from this pain, you are probably today living with frustration, sadness, or pain in your relationships. I hope you will find encouragement from someone like you:

After attending our New Life Weekend, Maryann wrote: This weekend has blessed me by helping me to explore some  painful hurts and feelings that have surfaced about post abortion that I never talked about. I discovered the anger and unforgiveness in me. I leave here surrendering this to God so I can live under his power now, and find a self worth to be free, to be me. Steve, you and your radio staff have been in my life for 12 years. You have given me laughter, tears, and hope. You gave me a message one day when I was listening. If anyone had ever had an abortion and doesn’t think that’s their ‘it’ it is. I’d like to thank  you for that, thank God for giving me ears to hear that, and thank the person who have the scholarship who thought I was worth it.

If you’ve had an abortion, that’s what I call your ‘it.’ And until you find healing, ‘it’ will keep you from the forgiveness and joy your heavenly Father wants you to receive. Join us at our next New Life Weekend. We’d be honored to help.

Breaking Up the Fear and Food Addictive Relationship: Part 5

Steve Arterburn

The fear and food addictive relationship cycle spins in the following order:

‘ Denial

‘ Emotional Pain

‘ Food fuels the process

‘ The cost (weight gain and other costs)

‘ Self-loathing, followed by:

‘ More denial

‘ More pain

‘ More food (and the cycle repeats itself on and on)

Do these steps sound frighteningly familiar? Do you have a sense that this cycle is true for you, but you don’t want to think about it right now? That’s understandable, but it’s these tendencies that give the cycle energy. If you want to ever really stop or get off, you have to pay attention to the whole cycle. In the next few articles I will talk about five steps that will help you get off this addictive wheel.

STEP FIVE – Admit the Self-Loathing

As fear drives people from guilt to shame, it also affects the way they see themselves. In contrast to self-respect, overeaters develop self-hate. Although they may not be aware of the fact, they have started functioning in a highly self-destructive manner. Bulimic purging is one way to get rid of the fearful aspects of their lives. One bulimic patient kept vomiting throughout her marriage; she was symbolically trying to rid herself of her emotional feelings about her controlling, abusive husband. Once she finally divorced her unfaithful, physically and sexually abusive husband, the vomiting stopped.

Binges and purging are also ways that bulimics are destroying themselves. As bizarre as this repressed logic may be, millions of people do not face the self-hate that is causing their problems.

Of course, despising themselves enlarges the emotional emptiness they have been feeling for so long. Love hunger deepens, forcing the addictive cycle forward. These sufferers are helplessly entangled in a terrible process that can destroy their lives. Even though they make promises to adjust their eating behavior, nothing changes because they have failed to see the whole cycle for what it is ‘ a process!

What is the first step toward healing? Please join us at our next New Life Weekend.

Breaking Up the Fear and Food Addictive Relationship Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4.

Filling Our Lives with Goodness

Susan Eppley

I have recently returned from a week of inspiration in Cape May, New Jersey. As a therapist for Lose It For Life, I was privileged to hear Steve, John, Henry and Jill share their insights on permanent weight loss. I was equally privileged to lead a small group of nine participants. These people shared their individual stories,
agonies, struggles, fears, and hopes. Through the days of LIFL, I saw attitudes shift, stubbornness softened, secrets shared, friendships forged and lives transformed. God was indeed present. In days full of connection, learning, and growth, surrounded by fellowship and praise music I found myself thinking of what Paul wrote in his letter to the Philippians.

‘Finally brothers whatever is noble,
Whatever is right,
whatever is pure,
whatever is lovely,
whatever is admirable –
if anything is excellent
you have learned or received or heard from me-
put it into practice.
And the God of peace will be with you.’

Philippians 4:8, 9

 My prayer is that for each who attended, and even those who did not, God will continue to fill our lives with goodness such as we experienced and that we will put into practice what we have learned.

One area of particular interest involved the topic of ‘Thinking Like A Winner.’ Steve encouraged participants to challenge the negative things they had been saying to themselves I would like to underscore the importance of this challenge. Many of us have had the unfortunate experience of living with someone who is critical of us. ‘You will never amount to anything.’ ‘You don’t look good in anything.’ If we hear something long enough we start to believe it! The same is true with what we say to ourselves inside our own heads! ‘You have no will power.’ ‘You will never lose this weight.’ ‘You are a failure.’

************************************
The first step
in changing our outer self
is changing our inner self!

************************************

Statements such as this do not obey Paul’s reminder to surround ourselves with whatever is good, positive, beautiful and noble. A first step toward changing our outer self is changing our inner self. Our ‘self talk’ is a key part of our inner self. Begin by challenging your negative self statements by stating a positive (and real) self statement each time you hear yourself being negative about yourself.

Some more positive examples would be:

* More and more God is working a miracle in me.

* Every day in every way, I am loving myself more like God loves me.

* Each day I am becoming more and more of what God wants me to be.

Each time you find your ‘self talk’ being negative, gently pull your thought from that and shift to a more positive statement like these. With some patience and perseverance you can fill your mind with a more realistic attitude that will support rather than sabotage your weight loss efforts!

Haven’t attending Lose it for Life? What’s keeping you. Call 1-800-NEW-LIFE to save yourself a spot at our next weekend.

Breaking Up the Fear and Food Addictive Relationship: Part 2

Steve Arterburn

The fear and food addictive relationship cycle spins in the following order:

‘ Denial

‘ Emotional Pain

‘ Food fuels the process

‘ The cost (weight gain and other costs)
‘ Self-loathing, followed by:

‘ More denial

‘ More pain

‘ More food (and the cycle repeats itself on and on)

Do these steps sound frighteningly familiar? Do you have a sense that this cycle is true for you, but you don’t want to think about it right now? That’s understandable, but it’s these tendencies that give the cycle energy. If you want to ever really stop or get off, you have to pay attention to the whole cycle. In the next few articles I will talk about five steps that will help you get off this addictive wheel.

STEP TWO – Face the Emotional Pain

Being honest about the depth of our emotional pain is extremely difficult. No one wants to get in touch with the root of the pain system, since this renews the loss and deprivation that we’re trying desperately to avoid.

Generally our apprehension twists our opinion of ourselves, leaving us with low self-esteem. Even though our personal accomplishments may be of considerable scope, we tend to see ourselves in a diminished and insignificant position. The result is emotionally devastating.

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SELF-ESTEEM
is a gift
only we can
give ourselves!
**************************************

We must learn that self-esteem is a gift only we can give ourselves. Rather than a product of accomplishment, enduring self-esteem rests on a sense of self-worth intrinsically ours because we are children of God.
I John 3:1 says: ‘See how very much our heavenly Father loves us, for he allows us to be called his children, and we really are!’ We have value because the heavenly Father has placed us in this world as His special envoys. We must recognize and accept this fact as true.


****************************************

In God’s eyes
we have
supreme value!

****************************************

Whether the president of the United States or a dishwasher, we are of supreme value in God’s sight. Recognizing that fact is one of the most important steps we can take to break out of emotional pain. Experiencing unconditional love from good friends over a long period of time also reinforces our feelings of self-worth.

What is the first step toward healing? Please join us at our next New Life Weekend.

Breaking Up the Fear and Food Addictive Relationship
Part 1, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5.