Should Married People Have Friends of the Opposite Sex?

It sounds like a crazy question…of course we can all have friends of all kinds. But when you are married, it’s important to put your spouse first in all things, and that means having some serious boundaries about opposite sex friendship. Click here to watch!


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New Life Live: September 18, 2014


Topics: Sexual IntimacyEating DisordersDatingGuiltParentingDivorce
Hosts: Steve ArterburnDr. Dave StoopDr. Jill Hubbard

Caller Questions:

  1. Sex is painful for me and then my husband feels rejected; how can we make sex enjoyable? 
  2. My fiancée has been bulimic for 14yrs; how can I respond to her with compassion and not anger? 
  3. I am teaching a singles leadership class; is it ethical to date someone from class? 
  4. How do I get past the guilt of asking my ex for the child support he owes me? 
  5. My ex is not mentally right; should I allow my 13yo daughter to visit him? 

Suggested Resources:
7 Minute Marriage Solution
7 Minute Marriage Solution Devotional Bible
Book of Life Recovery
Boundaries CD

Subscribe to the NEW LIFE LIVE Podcast via iTunes or streaming audio from Stitcher, the Smart Radio App.

Teen Daughter Sneeks Out to Have Sex

A distraught mom wrote us. Her 15-year-old daughter recently snuck out out the house, walked to an older boy’s house and had sex with him. She confessed to her youth minister, and ultimately to her parents.   What is the proper response? Should she take away access to dance, her daughter’s passion?   Shannon Ethridge, Author & Speaker and I offer our points of view to help her navigate a tough parenting situation.  #WATCH the full video here:


Steve Arterburn: My Apology to all Women

In case you missed this on our new TV channel here’s your chance to see this very touching and tender message from Steve Arterburn. Steve says: ” Toward the end of the show about sex trauma I recorded with Sheri Keffer, I really felt compelled to say something important to all the women watching. It came straight from the heart. And when the show was over, I was overcome with emotion. I had no idea the cameras were still rolling and I learned a lot about myself that day.” Click on the image to watch.

New Life Live: October 24, 2013


Topics: BoundariesFriendshipsMarriageSexual IntegrityForgivenessParentingSexual Abuse
Hosts: Steve ArterburnDr. Henry CloudDr. Dave Stoop

Caller Questions:

  1. How can I help my mentally ill best friend without breaking my boundaries? 
  2. I shared my impure thoughts with my wife, and she left me; how do I get her back? 
  3. The kids think I am unforgiving, but they don’t know all the sex partners their dad has had. 
  4. How do I deal with the family denial that my young daughters were sexually abused? 

Suggested Resources:
Healing Is a Choice
Raising Great Kids

Subscribe to the NEW LIFE LIVE Podcast via iTunes or streaming audio from Stitcher, the Smart Radio App.

New Life Live: August 27, 2013


Topics: ParentingAlcohol AbuseBorderlineBoundariesMarriageIntimacy
Hosts: Dr. Dave StoopDr. Jill Hubbard with Larry Sonnenburg

Caller Questions:

  1. Should I kick out my 19yo son who drinks and drives? 
  2. My sister may be borderline; how do I set boundaries if she moves in with me? 
  3. After 4-5 counselors, my husband hasn’t changed and it’s now affecting our daughter. 
  4. As a newlywed, is it normal for my husband to want sex 2-3 times a day? 

Suggested Resources:
Book of Life Recovery
7 Minute Marriage Solution
Just Us

Subscribe to the NEW LIFE LIVE Podcast via iTunes or streaming audio from Stitcher, the Smart Radio App.

New Life Live: August 12, 2013


Topics: BoundariesSex AddictMarriageChristian WalkDatingControllerIntimacy
Hosts: Steve ArterburnMilan Yerkovich, Guest Host Marilyn Meberg

Caller Questions:

  1. What boundaries do you suggest for a love addict married to a sex addict? 
  2. How can I help a friend whose husband tells her that God doesn’t love her? 
  3. My fiancée said I am controlling, and then she left. 
  4. Why would our sex life go from healthy to none? 

Suggested Resources:
7 Minute Marriage Solution
How We Love
Is This The One

Subscribe to the NEW LIFE LIVE Podcast via iTunes or streaming audio from Stitcher, the Smart Radio App.

New Life Live: August 2, 2013


Topics: DatingForgivenessVerbal AbuseMarriageSexual IntegrityAngerFearPleaserAvoider
Hosts: Steve ArterburnDr. Dave Stoop

Caller Questions:

  1. Comment: The New Life Marriage Weekend was beyond good! 
  2. I loved “Is This The One.” How do I get a date? 
  3. Why did I dream that I hate my mom? 
  4. Should I endure my husband’s verbal abuse and stay married? 
  5. My husband needs to talk to our 20-something sons about their sexual integrity; should I push him? 
  6. How do I forgive myself for our separation? 
  7. I married an older man to care for my child, and now he wants sex. 
  8. How do I overcome the fear of someone getting angry with me? 
  9. Can a pleaser and an avoider be friends? 

Suggested Resources:
How To Get a Date Worth Keeping
7 Minute Marriage Solution
Forgiving the Unforgivable

Subscribe to the NEW LIFE LIVE Podcast via iTunes or streaming audio from Stitcher, the Smart Radio App.

3 Things We Must Admit for Recovery

I’ve been thinking a little bit about the core beliefs of sexually addicted men and how skewed they are. Our actions and reactions to life are predicated on our core beliefs. If they are slightly out of whack, not grounded in biblical truth or altogether false we are sure to stay stuck. Here are 3 core beliefs I think every man must acknowledge and admit in order to see his sanctification and recovery process move forward.

1 – BELIEF: Sex is vitally important to my well-being. ADMISSION: Sex is something I’ve come to value too highly and I am willing to trust God with it.

It was a huge hurdle for me to surrender sex. I’d say I trust God with my finances, my health, my business, my kids and their health, etc. etc. But trust God with my sex? Let Him be in charge of whether or not I ever have it again? Yikes. And it was a fundamental shift that was absolutely necessary for me to find freedom. The prayer went something like this: “OK God. I’ve put too much importance on sex. But I don’t want to undervalue it either! So you be the judge and you be the determining factor. If I never have sex again; I trust you. If I have frequent sex again; I trust you. As the author of the act, I trust you”.

2 – BELIEF: If anyone knows the truth about my struggle they will reject me. ADMISSION: I have to face rejection to find freedom.

I hate rejection. Even that little tinge of rejection I feel when I’m at a summer BBQ with folks I don’t really know and it seems like I’m odd man out for the conversations going on. Yuck. Hate it. That little tinge of rejection is amplified exponentially when it comes to shameful things like my sexual struggles. I was deathly afraid of being found out. Yet being found out was the best thing that ever happened to me. Freedom is found in facing your fears. Especially rejection.

3 – BELIEF: My life goes well when I’m in control. ADMISSION: I am NOT the best CEO of my life.

This has been a tough one to learn. Over and over again. And over. Again. When I think I’m the best person to be in charge of my life something inevitably and divinely happens to remind me that its a myth. When I think I’ve got it altogether I’m kidding myself. The objective truth is that I can manage some things really well. I’m gifted in areas and can steward those gifts quite well. And the objective truth is also that when I try to manage every thing in my life, I blow it up. I am not the best CEO and that is exactly why I need a savior.

I often need a reminder of this truth; so I’ve been keeping a little note on my computer. It helps me stay grounded even as I blog.

I would love to hear what you’ve had to admit to see recovery happen in your life. I’m sure there are more than these few. Please let me know in the comments section!


New Life Live: June 18, 2013


Topics: DatingForgivenessAffairsMarriageAdult ChildrenBoundaries
Hosts: Steve ArterburnDr. Sheri DenhamMilan Yerkovich
Caller Questions:

  1. How do I heal from a past relationship? 
  2. I think my husband had sex with his cousin; should I call her to confirm? 
  3. My 13yo granddaughter lives with us, but she would like to be with her addict mom. 
  4. My husband says he is only “honoring” our pastor’s wife through their calls and money gifts. 
  5. I fell in love with a married man by accident; is it OK to be his friend? 

Suggested Resources:
How We Love
7 Minute Marriage Solution
How We Love Our Kids

Subscribe to the NEW LIFE LIVE Podcast via iTunes or streaming audio from Stitcher, the Smart Radio App.