- I just found out my perfect 22yo son is gay; is it my fault?
- How do you feel about the MMPI (personality test) that is required for licensing?
- My 20yo niece ran off with her boyfriend then faked an abduction; should we let her live with us again?
- When is the right time to tell my 6yo daughter that she was adopted as a baby?
- When is a good time to leave a relationship that is emotionally abusive?
- How do I talk with my sister and not be a trigger for her disassociative disorder?
- Should I feel guilty for not accepting my 31yo irresponsible daughter’s boyfriend?
- I am OK with our 17yo son using marijuana; why would my wife take issue with it?
- Should I act or not on the fact that my ex is paying people to stalk me?
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 1 Peter 5:6
Humility | Doorways, Not Doormats
Humility. What is it anyway? If I’m humble, do I have to roll over and play second fiddle to everyone, all the time? Too often humility has been misunderstood as a negative character trait. I would like to help you get a clear biblical perspective on what humility is and what it is not. Humility isn’t thinking less of your-self; it’s thinking more of God and of others. In other words, humility isn’t about putting our-selves down, but rather, about glorifying God and affirming others.
Consider Jesus. He left His place of highest honor in heaven in order to become a man, flesh and blood, here on earth. However, He didn’t tear himself down or deny that He was a person of value and importance. What He did do is lift others up through His humility and show them how valuable they were to God.
So, you see, humility isn’t about being a doormat; it’s about being a doorway–a doorway through which others enter into the presence and power of God. By focusing on building others up and helping others connect with God, we show them the love of God, who desires the best for them.
Think about how you can strive to put others’ interests ahead of your own. I challenge you to show others in your home, your offices, or even in the checkout line at the market, how you and God value them. A good way to begin is by asking yourself what Jesus would do if he were in your place.
Spontaneously and without effort we have fulfilled the law (towards one person) by loving our neighbor as ourselves. It is an image, a foretaste, of what we must become to all if Love Himself rules in us without a rival. – C.S. Lewis
By Dr. Henry Cloud | Published December 29, 2012 | FoxNews.com
There are three areas in life where we make resolutions: clinical (how you feel), relationships (marriage, dating, family friends, work) and performance (dreams, goals, talents, accomplishments).
Many of us will make New Year’s resolutions in the next few days in one or more of these areas, but there’s a problem with those resolutions. Most of them will be based on will power, commitment, or trying to make better choices.
While commitment is important, it always fails without another ingredient: we have to develop the capacity to reach those goals. Research shows that people who succeed do so by opening themselves up to capacity building from the outside.
How do you get that capacity to succeed and make sure 2013 is not what I call a “groundhog year”?
When you put your New Year’s resolutions into your schedule, you have to figure out where the power drains and old patterns of failure come from and begin to say no.
You’re going to need two things: 1) a new energy source and 2) a structure or template to guide that energy. For example, if you want to stay on a diet, you need the energy of a support group and the structured guide of a program plan of diet and exercise. That kind of structure in any endeavor along with energy will close the gap. It can be a coach, a buddy system, an accountability partner, joining a program or reading new books—there are a million different ways to structure a growth pattern, you just have to get in one. Having said that, I’m going to give you a few more tips:
First of all, the biggest mistake people make is trying to accomplish the goal based on commitment and trying harder. That will fail.
Instead, get together with people who are already accomplishing what you want to accomplish. If you want to become healthy, you have to surround yourself with a group of people that are getting healthy and you have to be connected to a community that is doing what you want to do. That is why programs such as Weight Watchers, or other support communities are so powerful.
If you want to become more spiritual, you’ve got to get connected with a group of people that are growing in that area, instead of just thinking you will do it and sustain it on your own.
We know from research that growth is actually contagious so if you want to reach your goals, you’ve got to get around people that are going in the same direction you want to be going and you will catch the success. The data proves it.
Also, expect to fail. That’s right—both you and I—nobody gets it perfectly all the time. Here is what’s actually going to happen: you’re going to blow it!
If your resolution is to lose weight, there will be a time when you’re going to eat five days worth of Weight Watchers points in one day. Don’t interpret that as a horrible thing, that’s a normal part of the process.
The problem is that people blow it and then they feel bad about it. Then they go off and binge eat in order to get over feeling bad about it and then they drop their whole plan altogether.
Instead, when you blow it, accept your setbacks as normal.
Don’t use all or nothing thinking. Take each day as its own day and don’t worry about it if you mess up one day. The most important thing you can do is just get back up on the horse.
Remember: perfection goals fail, while “get better goals” succeed. Just do better tomorrow than you did today.
Next, ask yourself, “why hasn’t this worked before? How did I fail last year?” We don’t usually need new ways of failing; the old ways tend to work just fine.
Are there people that normally get you off track? Do you have trouble saying no? Do you fail one day, get discouraged and quit? Do you fail to protect the time you need in order to get things done?
I remember when I wrote my first book, “Changes that Heal,” I never could find a way to actually get it done. Then I thought to myself, “why have I not been able to do this before?” I had not been able to do it because I had never blocked off the time that I really needed to finish the project. So, I made a commitment and a priority that for the next six months from Friday when I got off of work at 5 o’clock until Monday when I went back to work that I would lock myself up and I would not do anything but work on my book. I had just one exception to the rule and that was that I’d let myself go out to dinner for two hours on Saturday evening. I said no to everything that would interfere with my plan and I had accountability with others.
You’ve got to set some boundaries to protect what you’re trying to build. When you put your New Year’s resolutions into your schedule, you have to figure out where the power drains and old patterns of failure come from and begin to say no. It’s important to create some very protective boundaries.
Another important item is to have sub-goals. You’re not going to lose 100 pounds immediately but what is your plan for tomorrow? Go on a 45-minute walk and work up a brisk sweat? Here’s an example of sub-goals: when I was writing my book, if the whole book was 100,000 words my goal for tomorrow might be to write 2,000 words.
If your resolution is to get out of debt, you can skip eating lunch out each day and start sending that money in to pay off credit card debt. Then, voila…in six months that credit card might be paid off. As you’ll begin to see, your daily goals help you fulfill your larger goal. Sub-goals are very, very important.
Lastly, also remember that the goals you choose are important, too. Some goals are not going to fulfill you. Choose goals that you value and care about.
Do all these things and I bet 2013 will be better than 2012.
- Is it wrong to feel uncomfortable when I get attention?
- How can I overcome trust issues with my wife’s infidelity last year?
- Interview with Luci Swindoll on “The 12 Gifts of Christmas.”
- I invited my sister to Thanksgiving; how can I help her stop wrecking her relationships?
- When is it time to tell my husband to leave after going back to his porn and alcohol abuse?
- I’m on the road a lot as a trucker; how do I get counseling?
- Can you help with my crippling anxiety? I can’t sleep.
- Married 5 years; is it time to leave my cheating husband?
- One of my in-laws is addicted to alcohol and drugs; should we cut off contact?
- My wife and I stopped being intimate after 2yrs of marriage; how do we get that back?
- Is my husband a sex addict if he won’t stop texting women and looking at porn?
- I just received “The Book of Life Recovery” and I love it!
God, give us grace to accept with serenity
The things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
Which should be changed,
And the Wisdom to distinguish
The one from the other.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.
- My husband is a great provider, but has no time for the kids or me.
- My son was mad at me, and he died unexpectedly. How do I get forgiveness?
- How does \”Is This The One\” apply to the 50yo dating scene?
- Shall I stay in a marriage with my husband who had an emotional affair?
- Should my husband and I pay the rent for our 18yo alcoholic son?
- I had an abusive dad. Will EMDR help my fears?
1. Connect before you correct.
Part of every Dad’s role is to bring a healthy sense of structure and discipline to the family. Communicating with your child, which includes listening to their “side” of the issue, is a key first step in successful, loving discipline.
2. Be there.
One of the great myths is that a little “quality” time makes up for a substantial “quantity” of time. Going to school, sporting and other events is a big deal! It says – “I have your best interests at the center of my heart” to your child. Don’t think only about your own affairs, but be interested in others, too, and what they are doing. ~ Philippians 2:4
3. Express love often.
Kids (especially pre-teens and teens) act like they don’t want their parents to “make a fuss” over them. It’s just an act. Kids need hugs and kisses … affirm them at every opportunity.
4. Phony, macho men are only heroes in the movies.
Real Dads aren’t perfect. You can be a hero to your children if you open your heart to them and admit when you’ve made mistakes. They have an enormous capacity to forgive and their hearts’ desire is to love and be loved. People who cover over their sins will not prosper. But if they confess and forsake them, they will receive mercy. ~ Proverbs 28:13
5. Never make your child choose between parents.
If you have problems with your wife, don’t try to convince your child that you’re “right” or the “victim.” This causes an emotional split in your child and will ultimately drive him or her further away from you. Confine the adult issues to the adults.
6. Love your wife.
The greatest Dad in the world will minimize the true impact he has on his children if he does not model Godly intimacy in front of his kids. That’s where the cornerstone of their future marriage is laid. Since God chose you to be the holy people whom He loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. You must make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive the person who offends you … And the most important piece of clothing you must wear is love. Love is what binds us all together in perfect harmony. ~ Colossians 3:12-14
7. Be consistent.
When you are consistent in your actions, love and discipline, an environment of safety and security is created. Kids need to know that there are some things they can always count on. Discipline your child while there is hope. If you don’t, you will ruin their lives. ~ Proverbs 19:18
8. Be careful, you’re in the spotlight.
Your kids are watching every move you make. To some extent, their picture of you shapes their picture of their Heavenly Father. You have the opportunity to create a positive, loving image or a confusing and untrustworthy one. Instead, there must be a spiritual renewal of your thoughts and attitudes. You must display a new nature because you are a new person, created in God’s likeness – righteous, holy and true. ~ Ephesians 4:23,24
9. Guard your tongue.
The words you speak to your children can cut like a knife or send them soaring like a rocket. They will remember some things you say in passing for the rest of their lives. Kind words are like honey – sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.
~ Proverbs 16:24
10. Develop Godly character.
Nothing will influence your children more than watching you grow in your relationship with God. You can preach the Gospel by your actions much more effectively than you can by your words. And now, just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to live in obedience to Him. Let your roots grow down into Him and draw up nourishment from Him, so you will grow in faith, strong and vigorous in the truth you were taught. Let your lives overflow with thanksgiving for all He has done. ~ Colossians 2:6,7
For more help see: Raising Sons and Daughters
Today’s Guest on New Life Live is Mike Hyatt a long time friend and well known leadership expert. Many people have asked me for advice on how to write a book and how did I get it published. Mike Hyatt is the Chairman of the board of Thomas Nelson Publishers. His new book Platform: Get Noticed in a Noisy World has all those answers.
- Interview with Mike Hyatt, author of Platform: Get Noticed in a Noisy World.
- Is church and God enough for my addiction recovery?
- After many losses, how can I get out of my depression?
- Interview with Mike Moore, who invites groups to his house to hear inspiring speakers.
- Should I confront my 20yo son on his unpaid loan?
- Why do I go back to my bad habits like anger?