Many people think of selfish people as being difficult. But “self-centeredness” comes closer to the real description of what a truly selfish person is. What it means is that someone basically experiences life mostly in terms of him or herself. Someone has said, “To interpret any event only in terms of how it affects oneself is to live on the doorstep of Hell.” And that is true.|
When one is self-centered, one guarantees the failure of love, for love is an attachment between two people, and the self-centered person denies the reality of the “other.” This person sees others as extensions of himself. They exist to make him happy, serve his needs, regulate his feelings or drives in life. And when they fail to do that by having an existence of their own, he has some sort of negative reaction, such as anger, withdrawal of love, controlling behavior or rejection.This orientation to another person being more of an object for self-gratification than a person, makes a true attachment impossible. Love requires two people, not one person and an “object.”We could write about this dynamic for a long time, but one quick way to understand it is to look at it in terms of the quote above. “Only me” involves not ever adapting to the wishes or needs of someone else, or sacrificing something that I want for another person or a purpose or group larger than myself. Or, to say, ‘only me’, is to think of the significance of events or people only as I am benefited or denied.
Are you struggling to give or receive love? Are you in a relationship with a self-centered person? For help, we recommend attending our one of our Weekend Workshops. By God’s grace, you will be transformed!