Is it hard for you to trust? If trust has been broken in marriage, it’s difficult to know when and how to trust your husband again. But there are things you can do to help promote the right environment for trust to be restored. Here are eight principles to lay the foundation for rebuilding trust in your marriage after sexual betrayal.
- I will give myself permission to NOT trust my husband.
Giving yourself grace takes the pressure off and helps you wait to see what your husband will do. “Putting confidence in an unreliable person in times of trouble is like chewing with a broken tooth or walking on a lame foot” (Prov. 25:19). - I will embrace the fact that forgiveness doesn’t mean I feel trust but rather forgiveness is one component that prepares my heart to trust again.
Forgiveness is a choice—it sets you free. “Forgive, and you will be forgiven” (Lk. 6:37). - I will allow myself to have boundaries in the bedroom.
You won’t save your husband from addiction by doing something you don’t want to do sexually. “Just say a simple, ‘Yes, I will,’ or ‘No, I won’t.’ Anything beyond this is from the evil one” (Matt. 5:37). - I have the right to protect myself.
Protecting yourself will allow you to heal; setting boundaries will help. “For when a strong man is fully armed and guards his palace, his possessions are safe” (Lk. 11:21). - I will be aware that triggers have the potential to erode trust.
Don’t let your emotions control you. But if you do feel triggered, don’t let it destroy the trust that is in the process of being rebuilt. “A person without self-control is like a city with broken-down walls” (Pr. 25:28). - I will surrender my husband and his process to God.
Realize you can’t change your husband, but God can change him. “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But not with God. Everything is possible with God” (Mk. 10:27). - I will work toward surrendering my process to God (and wait on His timing).
Begin the process of waiting on God and trust Him to fulfill the desires of your heart. “Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you your heart’s desires” (Ps. 37:4). - I will acknowledge that God is trustworthy above all and work toward trusting in Him.
It may seem like there’s nothing to be grateful for, but choose gratitude for what God is doing in your life. “Those who trust in me will never be put to shame” (Is. 49:23).
Applying these eight principles will help you establish a healthy environment for trust to grow. It’s important for you to press in to trusting God and—ultimately—your husband when he does the difficult work he needs to do to rebuild your trust. For more help learning how to rebuild trust after sexual betrayal, we recommend Rescued.
