“The secure father has a fully-integrated heart.
His faith, spirituality, and relationships are all integrated.” – Steve Arterburn
There’s a Bible verse that nails what it means to be a secure man, and especially a secure father. King Solomon said, “He who walks with integrity walks securely,” (Proverbs 10:9, NLT).
If you have integrity, you’re consistent. The way you talk and walk fit together. You have no secret sins. Your life is—essentially—an open book. And so, you don’t ever have to worry about being found out. Because you don’t have any secrets, you aren’t afraid that someone is going to discover something bad about you.
But if you’re living a life with secrets, you’re not walking in integrity. There’s no consistency, and the lack of integrity will make you a very weak and insecure man. So, how do you become a strong man who is a secure father? There are three things you can begin to do.
Clean Up Your Act
A lot of fathers don’t have any security whatsoever because they have a divided heart. You’ve got half of your heart wanting to serve God. But the other half is saturated with the darkness of this world. The problem is that your life is not just yours. As a father, your kids are watching; and they are impacted by how you live.
Perhaps you’re a guy who seems to have everything together. But you turn to alcohol to deal with the pain of your past. Or maybe you’re someone who leads and everyone thinks is a great person. But on the side, there’s pornography—your secret sin. You may think that being a great husband and father means making money is the most important thing. Yet, what you’re doing is serving your job and your career. All of this describes a divided heart. Those things will never satisfy you.
Scripture from David’s prayer in Psalm 51:10 says, “Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me.”
Make the decision to live ‘whole heartedly‘. Admit your sins to God, connect with another godly man who is living a ‘’whole hearted‘ life. Begin to change the choices you have been making to create a life of integrity and honor.
Once you clean up your heart, you will start to live securely.
Make Wise Decisions
After you clean up your act, what next? Make sure that you don’t go back to the things that have made your heart dirty. Start by making responsible decisions. Assess your life and ask, ‘where am I making poor choices‘? Financial, spiritual, physical, career, home and family (not in that specific order). If you need help in any of these areas, seek out men who have knowledge and wisdom in the areas you need help to learn what you can do to change and improve your life.
Walk With Integrity
If you want to be more secure, start to walk the life of the godly man. Start with being honest about your issues with men who are living a godly life. If you hold it all inside and keep it all a secret, you’ll never be the secure man and father that you want to be. Connect with a group of men who are able to encourage each other in this walk.
Here’s one final word of caution. The Bible says, “Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone” (James 4:14). Life is short—it goes by fast. You don’t have that much time. Put a stake in the ground today. Decide that you are going to be a more secure man and father by cleaning up your act, making wise decisions, and walking with integrity.
If you need help finding a licensed Christian counselor or a Life Recovery Group, please call us at 800-NEW-LIFE.