Dignity

This week while I was on New Life Live Radio the overwhelming theme was dignity. Or, better said, the lack, degradation and thievery there of. I want to spend a few minutes here talking about dignity.

Here’s the definition: the state or quality of being worthy of honor or respect.

For too many men, we’ve diminished our dignity through our involvement with pornography, prostitution, affairs and other sexual escapades. We’ve jettisoned our own sense of honor and respect. I don’t know about you, but in my addiction I hated seeing myself in the mirror. I just didn’t like the man looking back at me.

Likewise, many wives have diminished their dignity by being willing to accept their husbands’ wanton disregard for them. On radio, we talked with several wives who’ve resigned themselves to marriages fraught with sexual, spiritual, emotional and physical abuse. They’ve mistaken love for license, and in so doing have lost respect and honor for themselves. Many of those wives seemed to believe that they don’t deserve to be treated with honor and respect.

We are all men and women of worth, simply because God handcrafted us in his image. Neither the things we’ve done nor the things done to us have tarnished our true worth and dignity, it only informed our perception of it as rusty and dilapidated. Those things put blinders of shame on us to see ourselves through a foggy, dysfunctional and errant lens.

Part of our (Shelley and I) healing journey has been to recapture our sense of God-given dignity. I had to decide that I’m worth an intimate relationship with another human being, not just relegated to a fraudulent, empty life of sexual fantasy.

I had to decide, through God’s help, that the women I was engaging with, both online and off, were created in His image and, as such, they were women of worth and dignity. My abuse of them was in fact spitting in God’s face and giving him the bird.

Shelley had to decide that she was worth more than lies, secrets and settling for second best. She had to come to the conclusion that what God said about her is more important than what I was saying about her. She also had to decide that her self-respect and the respect of God was more important than anyone else’s respect on the planet.

I hope today you’ll also recapture your sense of dignity. You worthwhile and honorable, deserving of respect simply as a function of God having breathed life into you.

3 thoughts on “Dignity

  1. Your right on I’ve already lost my wife I waste a lot of time on porn and acting out I’ve been to EMB but I didn’t get plugged in with the group I went through it with I’ve recently joined SA I am having a hard time mostly because I’m afraid I’ll be rejected or have to stop my mission in the church
    Long time addict

  2. One thing that helped was to get off the caffeine. Caffeine is a very powerful stimulate. Some people get a erection from it.I would drink two three cups in the morning and became horny.

  3. I am the wive of a porn addict. Although he has not acted out in 2 years I sometimes get a gutt feeling something is still not right. I was told by a therapist who specializes in support of ones who’s spouses are porn addicts, that I will know he has stopped when he makes other lifestyle changes. Like no more anger outbursts or turn to more healthy choices, lose weight etc. She saved me along with my belief & faith in Jesus. The pain was beyond anything I could imagine.
    My husband works crazy hours & is tired & finally willing to move from this job so we are going in a different direction to slow down the madness.
    Our office computer began to get sexual spam & it triggered me & made me afraid. We have protective hardware “covenant eyes” on his but not on his office managers since he is rarely on that one. Plus loading this hardware on hers would raise the awareness that there’s a problem & I would be embarrassed by this.
    The anger has greatly diminished but not gone & he struggles with his weight & healthier lifestyle. He also suffered a loss 5 years ago so he seems stuck in this grief.
    He no longer attends SA but did for about a year. Should this be ongoing? Although I have seen some changes they are not huge.
    What can I ask of my husband to help me heal? I’ve been doing well & fall back with certain triggers. Can someone write a message that I can share with him? Is he unrealistic to think he is healed forever or is it possible to heal from the addiction this quick?
    He tells me it doesn’t even cross his mind anymore but due to the dishonesty & betrayal in the past I still do not have that assurance.
    Thank you
    A wive who wants to stop being afraid

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Dignity

This week while I was on New Life Live Radio the overwhelming theme was dignity. Or, better said, the lack, degradation and thievery there of. I want to spend a few minutes here talking about dignity.

Here’s the definition: the state or quality of being worthy of honor or respect.

For too many men, we’ve diminished our dignity through our involvement with pornography, prostitution, affairs and other sexual escapades. We’ve jettisoned our own sense of honor and respect. I don’t know about you, but in my addiction I hated seeing myself in the mirror. I just didn’t like the man looking back at me.

Likewise, many wives have diminished their dignity by being willing to accept their husbands’ wanton disregard for them. On radio, we talked with several wives who’ve resigned themselves to marriages fraught with sexual, spiritual, emotional and physical abuse. They’ve mistaken love for license, and in so doing have lost respect and honor for themselves. Many of those wives seemed to believe that they don’t deserve to be treated with honor and respect.

We are all men and women of worth, simply because God handcrafted us in his image. Neither the things we’ve done nor the things done to us have tarnished our true worth and dignity, it only informed our perception of it as rusty and dilapidated. Those things put blinders of shame on us to see ourselves through a foggy, dysfunctional and errant lens.

Part of our (Shelley and I) healing journey has been to recapture our sense of God-given dignity. I had to decide that I’m worth an intimate relationship with another human being, not just relegated to a fraudulent, empty life of sexual fantasy.

I had to decide, through God’s help, that the women I was engaging with, both online and off, were created in His image and, as such, they were women of worth and dignity. My abuse of them was in fact spitting in God’s face and giving him the bird.

Shelley had to decide that she was worth more than lies, secrets and settling for second best. She had to come to the conclusion that what God said about her is more important than what I was saying about her. She also had to decide that her self-respect and the respect of God was more important than anyone else’s respect on the planet.

I hope today you’ll also recapture your sense of dignity. You worthwhile and honorable, deserving of respect simply as a function of God having breathed life into you.

3 thoughts on “Dignity

  1. Your right on I’ve already lost my wife I waste a lot of time on porn and acting out I’ve been to EMB but I didn’t get plugged in with the group I went through it with I’ve recently joined SA I am having a hard time mostly because I’m afraid I’ll be rejected or have to stop my mission in the church
    Long time addict

  2. One thing that helped was to get off the caffeine. Caffeine is a very powerful stimulate. Some people get a erection from it.I would drink two three cups in the morning and became horny.

  3. I am the wive of a porn addict. Although he has not acted out in 2 years I sometimes get a gutt feeling something is still not right. I was told by a therapist who specializes in support of ones who’s spouses are porn addicts, that I will know he has stopped when he makes other lifestyle changes. Like no more anger outbursts or turn to more healthy choices, lose weight etc. She saved me along with my belief & faith in Jesus. The pain was beyond anything I could imagine.
    My husband works crazy hours & is tired & finally willing to move from this job so we are going in a different direction to slow down the madness.
    Our office computer began to get sexual spam & it triggered me & made me afraid. We have protective hardware “covenant eyes” on his but not on his office managers since he is rarely on that one. Plus loading this hardware on hers would raise the awareness that there’s a problem & I would be embarrassed by this.
    The anger has greatly diminished but not gone & he struggles with his weight & healthier lifestyle. He also suffered a loss 5 years ago so he seems stuck in this grief.
    He no longer attends SA but did for about a year. Should this be ongoing? Although I have seen some changes they are not huge.
    What can I ask of my husband to help me heal? I’ve been doing well & fall back with certain triggers. Can someone write a message that I can share with him? Is he unrealistic to think he is healed forever or is it possible to heal from the addiction this quick?
    He tells me it doesn’t even cross his mind anymore but due to the dishonesty & betrayal in the past I still do not have that assurance.
    Thank you
    A wive who wants to stop being afraid

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