There was a time when everything was perfect. It was called paradise, and the Bible refers to it as the Garden of Eden. In that place, everything was “good.” But, as the rest of the Bible tells us, and history confirms, Eden has been lost, and we live in an imperfect world. What that translates to in the world of relationships is that we will always be in relationships with people who have imperfections.
To the extent that someone has come to grip with this reality, he or she can have satisfactory relationships. He/she can accept others for who they are and solve problems. But if you still have a wish to be in the Garden where things are perfect, you will always be frustrated with the people you find yourself connected to. You’ll always want more, you’ll judge and protest the reality of who the person is and there is very little safety for love to grow.
Narcissism and perfectionism are killers to real relationship. Real love can only grow where someone’s “real self” can be known and accepted by the other person. If there are demands for perfection and the “ideal person,” then love is blocked.Love can only exist where there is freedom. Our attempts to control what another person thinks, feels, wants, does, values, believes, etc. are destined to drive him/her away, and ultimately destroy love. Love only exists as we see another person in his/her own right as a separate individual, who as Jesus said is free to do what he/she wants to with what is his/her own. Look at what Matthew 20:15 says: ‘Is it against the law for me to do what I want? Should you be angry because I am kind?’ When someone says “no”, we are to respect it. When others have choices and wishes that are different from ours, we are to respect them as well.
Are you struggling to love or to receive love? Are your relationships strained? We’d like to help. Consider joining us on one of our Weekend Workshops or call 800-NEW-LIFE (639-5433) for more information.