One of the subtle realities of pornography, affairs, strip clubs and/or prostitutes is guaranteed satisfaction. Sure, we all know that in the aftermath of acting out there is zero satisfaction. But in the moment, the fix is real and never lets us down.
To explain further, remember that sexual acting out isn’t about sex. It’s about the emotional charge, the escape from reality, and the offset to the longings of our soul. Where we feel overwhelmed, we feel peace for a moment; where disconnected, we feel a sense of belonging; where feeling criticized, we feel appreciated; where minimized, like we matter; helpless–powerful; failure–accomplishment. You get the picture. With a click of a button, a swipe of a screen, an email or a phone call we can instantly inject enough morphine into our system to numb the unpleasant present reality. Guaranteed. For a few moments.
But the real antidote to acting out is intimacy. There is actually a 1-for-1 offset that doesn’t often get spoken of. When you have a couple of people (in addition to your spouse) in your life who you know beyond a shadow of a doubt will be there for you, there is a direct offset to the sexual acting out. Will porn ever reject you at 2am? Nope. Is there someone you are 100% confident will answer your call if you ring them at 2am? If the answer is no, you’ll consistently revert back to the guaranteed hit.
Taking it a step further, sexual acting out provides a false sense of security. We know, even without thinking about it, we just “know” that it’ll be there for us. It’s been proven. Tested. Tried. There is no question. That sense of guarantee, where you know that you know that you know — that’s called security. Porn (for example) provides security. That’s kind of sick to think, isn’t it? Say it out loud and give it a test drive; see how it sits with you when you say: “Porn provides me security“. “Strip clubs provide me security“. “Masturbating gives me security“. Weird, right?
We need men in our lives who we know have our best interest at heart and who will be there for us any time we need them. Hands down. If they’re on vacation, they’ll answer our call. If they’re in the middle of a meeting at work, they’ll answer our call if it’s an emergency. At 2am, exhausted and groggy, they’ll drive to the ends of the earth to help us.
If you will nurture those relationships, it’s almost guaranteed you won’t need acting out anymore!